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NEW!
BROTHER ISLAND! 2/3/2012

63.3 MB Norm rambles on while
using a wood chipper!
Como Estas? 1/27/2012

57.8 MB My book, Spanish lessons,
my front loader hips, hotdogs and much more!
Save The Chickens! 1/20/2012

64.2 MB An emergency at the
Maldorf farm!
Lincoln Lady! 1/13/2012

63.9 MB The fence post holes, the
penny and Mrs. Maldorf's sandwiches!
The Chicken Coop! 1/7/2012

61.4 MB The cat, the chicken coop
and mountains of poop!
Pretzel King! 12/23/2011

67.2 MB To the mall and then to
the bowling alley all paid for by Mister
Maldorf!
A Bale Of Tinsel! 12/16/2011

64.6 MB
Free
Christmas trees, Cedar Falls and much more!
Silo Rats! 12/9/2011

68.8 MB
The woman I humped at the Dike,
Iowa ultralight fly-in has died, the silo
rats and much more!
Tub Talk! 12/2/2011

58.1 MB In the tub on the second
floor at the Maldorf farm in Dike, Iowa!
Corn Bed! 11/20/2011
69.4 MB The Dike Iowa ultralight
holiday fly in, chicken buttholes, the corn
stalk bed and lots more!
Miss Clairol! 11/14/2011

62.8 MB Turkey hunting and the
girl I met at the Corn Rose Saloon!
Poachers! 11/6/2011
62.5 MB Poachers on the Maldorf
farm, tree stands, chemical toilets,
underground tunnels and lots more!
The Rag Man! 10/30/2011

63.3 MB Her 800 pound pumpkin,
barbells, Corn Rose and lots more!
The Maldorf's! 10/23/2011

58.7 MB Palma's Deli and Market,
the phone call, H.G. Maldorf, the Autumn
Harvest Dance and much more!
Dike Iowa! 10/14/2011
61.9 MB The wheel incident, Dike Iowa, the
Challenger 670 Combine and much
more!
Count Chocula! 10/9/2011

58.1 MB
The
treehouse, Pilot Travel Centers and more!
Native Drums! 9/30/2011

57.1 MB
The blonde clerk at the
desk, the whorehouse in Georgia and lots
more!
Pump
Honey! 9/22/2011

44 MB My Caddy needs gallons of freakin' pump honey, learned lessons and
much more!
Tom's Ion Ball! 9/12/2011

61.3 MB I poop my pants on the FSU
campus and much more!
Uh-Oh! 9/5/2011

55.8 MB I sold my house to go to a
job that isn't there, the KOA, Zipper Pocket
and much more!
Please Drink! 8/26/2011

79.8 MB My helium balloons, the
fire ants, rags in my yard, I found a big
bag of panties, the Salvation Army shoes and
lots more!
Playtex Prize! 8/19/2011

72.5 MB My running sexual stump
incident, the smoke that came from my metal
detector, my Playtex brassiere scam, the
hidden agendas of TV commercials and much
more!
35 Mile Range! 8/12/2011

61.7 MB The Motorola
walkie-talkie, I unearthed some dead chicks
eyelash curler, my groovy song and lots
more!
Merle's Luge! 8/05/2011

67 MB She asked to mow my lawn and
the real story behind Elmer's Glue!
Taffy Days 7/29/2011

67.8 MB
I work as an eager
volunteer at Taffy Days!
Germ-X! 7/22/2011

67.1 MB Walmart at two in the
morning and the buyer wanted a firm mattress
for his trial overnight sleepover at my
house and lots more!
For Sale!
7/15/2011

66.8 MB The oddballs that come to
view my house, the Realtors, the cleaning
that never ends, the granite countertops,
the top of the line Badger insinkerator and
lots more!
Bert's Bologna House! 7/8/2011
68.0 MB The panties that dropped
in my lap, the K-Tire, Benjamin the cat and
the car fire behind Bert's World Famous
Bologna House and much more!
Sod Busters! 7/01/2011

68.0 MB I buy an old map and head
over to the Apalachicola National Forest to
find buried treasure but I walk into
Jo-Wills General Store on Highway 23
instead!
Oh Andy 6/24/2011

57.7 MB My vintage Cadillac and
the automobile storage lot in Tampa and
Jerome said that's what Tucks medicated
wipes are used for!
Blackies Niece! 6/17/2011

62.2 MB
Hear the mind blowing
actual speech I gave at the 140 Characters
Conference in New York City and much, much
more! You gotta hear it!
Open House! 6/10/2011

41.1 MB I pump my Realtor and a
potential buyer of my home at the same time
while their brassieres swing from a ceiling
fan. Learn from me. Recorded in a
supermarket parking lot!
On The Road II! 6/3/2011

47 MB
I pump my Realtor another
seven more times. Learn from me. Recorded in
the parking lot at 7-Eleven!
On The Road! 5/27/2011

42.1 MB I pump my Realtor seven
more times. Learn from me. Recorded on the
drive back from New York City.
Wrinkle Free! 5/20/2011

30.0 MB At the Walmart in the
fitting room at two in the morning, my
Realtor, for a modest fee I can redo the
bathroom in your house and turn your toilet
into an authentic Porta-John and lots more!
Carpet Man! 5/13/2011

27.2 MB She owns a three story
house on Gasparilla Island and she asked me
to help her tear out the old carpet and pad.
Warp Nine Spock! 5/6/2011

32.1 MB The bed guys, the history
of the microphone, wall insulation, Spock,
La-Z-Boy chairs and lots more!
25 Cents Per Dong! 4/29/2011

34.4 MB Chicks with broken bones,
Norm's sex toy recycling depot, I'm a
volunteer worker at the North American Bird
House Association and lots more!
Urine 1940! 4/22/2011

33.9 MB
Fannie Mae chocolates,
Grow Monsters, Roller Bowl and the Mason
jar, the hitchhiker and her Rachel Ray
skillet, 700 one dollar bills in a cardboard
box (and I sniff them all for traces of
cocaine) and lots more!
Fried Eggs! 4/15/2011

33.0 MB My transparent tree stump
idea, the vent in the ceiling above the
toilet, my sexy syringe glitter system, 125
poop logs in a passenger plane at 30,000
feet (going 350 miles an hour), make
sculptures from TSA pat-downs and much more!
Frostproof! 4/8/2011

32.6 MB Women of color, when
an animal dies, metal detecting in
Frostproof Florida, a poem, my horizontal
Estes rocket launch fiasco and much more!
Crap Mountain! 4/1/2011

29.4 MB
The dollar store gifts to
myself, the movies and her panties, the
department store restroom and much more!
Lil Lightning! 3/25/2011

35.6 MB The family restroom and
her handicapped kid, Lick and Crunch, Chicks
with Broken Bones, the antenna went in my
eye, Clearwater Beach and the rogue wooden
leg, stagecoach era women and what it must
have been like and lots more!
U-Boat 69! 3/18/2011

32.8 MB My shopping mall social
experiments, my vending machine that makes
amazing glass vibrators from ordinary beach
sand, my Swimline remote control toy
submarine, the Digi Corporation cock ring
that I couldn't get batteries for, urine
absorbing beads and much more!
VLF Pussy Gun! 3/11/2011

32.2 MB The Bald Eagle egg felt
real good, the subterranean pleasure
machines at Clearwater Beach, she'll think
she's making love to a Vampire, my Digi
Corporation pleasure ring, my underwater VLF
pussy come gun and much more!
Becky's Snorkel! 3/4/2011

35.3 MB
The snorkel incident, Zia
Ashby, the frantic call I got from a
neighbor telling me her husband was dead, my
grandmothers friend went through the
windshield of a 1968 Chrysler Imperial
LeBaron and much more!
Vaginal Burstings! 2/25/2011

33.8 MB
Sand, food coloring and a
hairnet, Zia Ashby and my vinyl raft atop
Sun Moon Lake, chicks with broken bones, fun
facts, vaginal burstings recorded for only a
thousand dollars, walnut shells and the
return of the dojo blindfold match!
Dojo No! No! 2/18/2011

35.7 MB
The Victorian Era wooden
bowling ball, I bought 125 human teeth off
Craigslist, the sex toy I thought was a bald
voyeur, No maxi pads allowed in the dojo, a
match between two blindfolded women and much
more!
Pillow Profits! 2/11/2011

35.2 MB Make big money
manufacturing all natural door stops, Scotch
tape and hair, the Burlington Coat Factory
girl and her Afro razor blade dancers, paper
mache oil pan drain plugs, mall hurricane
machines and much more!
Ghost Surfer! 2/4/2011

34.4 MB Redbox, she tore the
sleeves off the coat I bought her, Walmart
and the oil pan drain plug I lost, the old
surfboard and my romantic beach interlude,
the hurricane machine at the mall and much
more!
Come Ball! 1/28/2011

35.1 MB My Etch A Sketch
contraption, the SX-70 incident, my helium
balloon semen transport went up in flames,
the high gloss twelve pound jet black
bowling ball she didn't want, the girl in
the tiny trailer and much more!
In Flight Slippers!
1/21/2011

32.4 MB The girl at the beach, my
radio controlled Mac-10 movie/novel idea, my
super improved Dixie cup Apple app
contraption, the layaway department at
Kmart, the dropped ball at the bowling
alley, atop the tree stump and much more!
R-51 Hoedown! 1/14/2011

28.6 MB I rented ice fishing
shanty R-72 and I was told to check out the
hoedown happening in shanty R-51! Recorded
live on tape atop frozen Round Lake in Big
Rapids, Michigan.
Silk Toss Pillows!
1/7/2011

36.2 MB Get chicks using my full
size flip book style Christmas trees, the
needs of the chick verses the needs of a
dude, my much improved Catholic school
playground slide, McDonald's PlayPlace and
nitrous oxide, digital storage keychain
photo album and the oatmeal container, the
chick I met in the Walmart parking lot at
three in the morning and much more!
Caroling! Caroling!
12/24/2010

29.7 MB The registered nurse I
wanted to pork lives in Buffalo, New York. I
told her I'd go Christmas Caroling with her
in Buffalo because I thought she'd think I
was a swell guy and because she'd think I
was a swell guy I figured she'd invite me to
put into use my advanced cunnilingus
techniques with (regards to her genitals)
later on at her house in front of her
fireplace!
Lay Away! 12/17/2010

33.9 MB The bait shop ice
incident, my latex sniffer gadget, chicks
with broken bones, my Walmart layaway
department findings, proven methods that
will get you truckloads of chicks at
Christmastime, recordable Hallmark greeting
cards and much more!
Rat Ornaments! 12/10/2010

30.8 MB The stump that collapsed,
proven chick getting ideas at Christmastime,
the recordable Hallmark Christmas cards at
Walmart, the helium balloons, the Dixie cups
and my holiday load, my highly trained angry
Christmas tree ornaments and much more!
Santa's Package! 12/03/10

31.4 MB Get chicks with Norm's fun
Christmastime ideas, my grandmother, Hitler,
Goebbels, Mister Trulik and the ruined
carpet, spray curare on the needles of your
Christmas tree and get truckloads of chicks,
my strobe light idea and lots more!
Poleski's On 17th!
11/19/2010

30.1 MB The 35 foot trail of poop,
Theodore Rhinal's Vinyl, the Triple W
horseback riding ranch and her plaster neck
cast, free turkey at McDonald's,
Thanksgiving ideas that'll get you
truckloads of chicks and much more!
Her Plugged Tub! 11/12/2010

28.3 MB My air bag deployment
idea, her plugged drain, another digital
keychain photo album shoot, the big helium
float that explodes out from the
Thanksgiving day turkey, get holiday action
with my unique ideas and much more!
Snagged Shag!
11/5/2010

32 MB The abandoned bowling alley
incident that nearly finished me, get chicks
guaranteed with my rigged turkey ideas, my
postage stamp size kite that women can't
resist, the lady in the spooky 1975 Dodge
van and much more!
Hollow Weener!
10/29/2010

32 MB Concrete kick proof
pumpkins, bobbing for apples, where to dump
your Halloween party guests when they're
unconscious, my last week working as a
volunteer ghost at a haunted house and much
more!
Bruise Maker!
10/22/2010

28.6 MB The bruise making machine,
the first thing I ask a chick, my amazing
slide glue, soiled panties on airplanes,
my ATM idea, another photo for my digital
keychain and I'm a volunteer at a popular
haunted house near my home!
THC Bomb!
10/15/2010

30.1 MB The outhouse, the Tampa
dope buy, digital photo albums, my reworked
ATM idea, what I unearthed while metal
detecting, the hitchhiker I picked up and
lots more!
Gash Dilemma!
10/8/2010

30.3 MB The bear trap, the eagle
nest, the smoking chick stuffed in the
chimney, my cassette baby and manure filled
diapers, all chicks eventually undergo The
Gash Dilemma, automated teller machines
equal pleasure, rigged pogo sticks and much
more!
Come Hard! 10/1/2010

34.3 MB My dinky in a bottle, get
free merchandise from Walmart, give me 12
periods a year or die, pogo sticks and bed
springs, my Barnes and Noble book author
scam that will get you chicks, the Fishing
Machine and lots more!
Pom Pom! 9/24/2010

33.6 MB Four periods a year
instead of twelve, my digital storage
keychain photos, the reality of pom-poms,
helium balloons and Dixie cups, get chicks
using my guaranteed movie idea and
how to embed naked images of yourself into
the ice of your local ice skating rink!
Big Bud! 9/17/2010

34.5 MB My fingernails have fallen
off, the Totino's rubber diaphragm pizza, my
toilet bowl scanner shit reconstruction
idea, the pumpkin injection ploy (and its
guaranteed big payoff), the old canvas
tent, the cigar box was filled with Big Bud,
my night hump and Haulover Park in Miami
Beach.
Dink Island! 9/10/2010

32.5 MB The ring I lost and the
ring I gained, my rotting middle finger (and
the nail came off, too), my toilet
invention, the starfish and her hair while
we were under the pier, my acre of specially
altered pumpkins, my dildos made out of
ocean salt and my shopping cart system
that will get you all the chicks you could
ever hope for!
Steeple Sausage
9/3/2010

31.9 MB McDonald's PlayPlace, the
surprise underwater steeple maneuver,
rock paper scissors, the nineteen dollar
wheelchair trick, the dolphin and the
colostomy bag, fake flip flops, imitation
panties, my portable solar powered beach
outhouse and much more!
For Your Safety! 8/27/2010

29.7 MB You're at the bar with
your lover dancing and drinking and
laughing. Learn what's really going on while
you sit at your table next to the dance
floor with your most special hump. Ten
things you must absolutely know. Learn 'em.
Pass 'em on.
Oven Lovin' 8/20/2010

32.9 MB Metal detecting at the
abandoned farmhouse. Me and my hump
check out the oven, the washing machine, the
water well, the barn and even the
doghouse. Additionally, learn how to
make a bowling ball using twelve pounds of
Spanish Fly!
Easy Rider 8/13/2010
31.0 MB Clam digging with Mia, my
polymer third leg idea for chicks, ghosts,
McDonald's, sure fire money making schemes,
the letter to Isabella and lots more!
Pink Hammer!
8/06/2010

32.2 MB His turbo button, her bad
dad, kiss me down there, digging for worms
near the stream alongside the tree stump,
try breaking the board against the grain,
she was ten years younger 'til I found out
otherwise and I work as a volunteer for the
National Kidney Foundation!
I Smell Gash!
7/30/2010

32.5 MB I'm booked to perform
comedy at the Family Fun Night in Winfield,
Kansas. A local Winfield resident named
Edwin Pettipondle gives me a hard time and
how I made five friends in only four hours
and it only cost me twenty five dollars!
Walkie Talkie Humpie!
7/23/2010

30.9 MB My hotel/motel super heavy
lead smoke detector idea, the Traverse City
Cherry Festival and the bottle of cherry
wine, the martial arts dojo, supermarket
shopping carts, her Dormia Memory Foam Space
Age Mattress, the sudden bizarre death of
her painted turtle and much more!
Save The Hot Dogs!
7/16/2010

30.9 MB I make an emergency trip
to the house of my grandmother and on the
way to Miami I'm thrown one situation after
another. Additionally, since loving a gal on
the kitchen floor of an abandoned farmhouse
I've been performing private, extremely odd
solo experiments on myself.
Fuse Box Fun! 7/9/2010

32.4 MB How I unloaded a hundred
Independence Day black snakes, my metal
canister idea, my underwear cannon exploded,
my bag of cunt lint for only $2.99, my tree
stump money making scheme, metal detecting
at the old farmhouse and lots more!
Emma's Panties!
7/2/2010

32.4 MB The Tuesday night incident
after my Hebrew Scripture study group, smoke
bombs, my Independence Day underwear cannon,
Corky, Macular Degeneration, the vegetable,
the eight hour line for the iPhone 4 and
much more!
House of Sex!
6/25/2010

28.4 MB This show was recorded
live on tape while in the House of Sex
in Charlotte county Florida at the Smith
Brothers Traveling Amusement Park.
DON'T MISS THIS ONE!
Panty Shovel 6/18/2010

30.4 MB The real oil spill we
should be concerned about, Bandit dug his
own grave, air bubbles in the tub, emergency
panties, my soundproof tent idea continued,
cadavers and lots more!
Sheet A Month!
6/11/2010

29.4 MB Walmart Kaleidoscopes, I
dumped Bandit in a trailer park, my improved
soundproof tent idea with
photographs, sons or daughters, the enema I
require of you and lots more!
Silver Lake!
6/4/2010

29.8 MB Out of focus cosmetic
television commercials, I shoot out three
more iPad screens, her second floor window
air conditioner, soundproof tents and lots
more!
Big Party Today! 5/28/2010

30.4 MB Kite fishing, my much
improved helium balloon idea, my backup plan
floor mat strategy, hotel math with regards
to its occupants, my new stage act and info
about the big titted chick I'm working with,
my Memorial Day holiday barbecue scam
guaranteed to net you truckloads of pussy
and lots more!
Mister Sandman! 5/21/2010

29.5 MB Mister Sandman for under
twenty bucks, my inflatable beach ball head
appliance, I shot out three more iPad
screens using my BB gun pistol with
silencer, my Crisco oil invention and much
more!
Gravity Boots!
5/14/2010

30.4 MB Two women at a Laundromat,
one woman at an outdoor tanning salon, my iPad handle idea, the human experience
vending machine, my very low frequency (VLF)
metal detector and lots more!
The Two Seater!
5/7/2010

34.2 MB
I go metal detecting with a woman
at the Ocala National Forest and we find an
old abandoned house and behind the old house
is an intact outhouse.
Purple Fingers!
4/30/2010

33.5 MB
My letter to the corn cob pipe company,
my iPad stove idea, my fingers are still
wrinkled, my purple fingers idea that could
make me rich, the telephone call from
the park ranger, the Polaroid camera trick,
don't be alarmed and much more!
The Nest!
4/23/2010

31.4 MB
My corn cob pipe fiasco, 206 bones, my
wrinkled fingers, the good advice from the
mushroom farm supervisor, the eagle nest, my
special handy panties, don't be alarmed and
much more!
Body Talk!
4/16/2010
32.6 MB My odd dream, my underground
pipe idea, suction cups with stickers,
broken pelvic bones, something I ask all my
chicks, let's get physical, don't be
alarmed, my shit mountain thingy and
much more!
Jack In The Box!
4/09/2010

33.8 MB
Get chicks using a stick and some
string, I nearly died in the trunk of my
car, something I tell all my chicks, my weed
purchase, a bike ride with Norm, a couple of
new ideas, don't be alarmed and much more!
Mommies Stalagmite! 4/2/2010

31.9 MB
More door-to-door sales, my dong idea
with the onboard intercom, my cat food
company, suction cups and dildos, I found a
set of keys, where two or more are gathered
in my name and lots more!
Ping Her Love Canal!
3/26/2010

31.3 MB
My Ring-O-Death for flies leads to a
pleasurable unexpected big score, my sticky
sex seal idea, easily determine depth, width
and temperature of a very private place, my
glass bottom boat scam, my cock ring
transmitter gong device, don't be alarmed
and much more!
He Makes BB's!
3/19/2010

33.1 MB
Parachutes, my toilet masterpiece idea,
motion detectors at supermarkets, tweet
panties, my second call to Jim Rutenberg at
American Standard Toilet Corporation, don't
be alarmed and much more!
The Wax Ring!
3/12/2010

34.8 MB
The community center spaghetti dinner,
her flies and the wax ring, my phone call to
the vice president of marketing at American
Standard, a couple of dildo ideas, don't be
alarmed and much more!
The House Ball!
3/5/2010

31.4 MB
A hundred million people doing it, K2 in
the McDonald's toilet, my silly string idea,
at the bowling alley, inside the box spring,
don't be alarmed and much more!
Up Periscope!
2/26/2010

30.8 MB
Get the sound of an owl into her
subconscious, McCormick salt and pepper
shakers, my periscope, chicks with broken
bones, things you too can do in a hotel or
motel with your old lady, don't be alarmed
and much more!
Shanty C-1139!
2/19/2010

29.4 MB Ice fish and get
chicks, too! Norm recorded this
piece while inside a deluxe ice
fishing shanty situated atop Lake Cadillac
in Cadillac, Michigan. Live on tape in field
recording!
Saw Me In Half!
2/12/2010

28.1 MB
The pelican, my lime and salt portable
pleasure kit, fun things you can do in
hotel/motel rooms, don't be alarmed and much
more!
Mr. Microphone!
2/5/2010

30.1 MB
I'm stuck in a loop with regards to a TV
commercial I watched years ago, clean
underwear, my U gadget, the ambulance is
just through these doors, at the movie
theater, fun hotel/motel room ideas and much
more!
My Enema Horseshoe!
1/29/2010

30.1 MB
The movies, college rings, the hand
sanitizers at the mall and the chick that
let the luck run out of my horseshoe and
lots more!
Smell My Hole!
1/22/2010
32.2 MB
Chicks with broken bones, my washing
machine idea, Redbox, my dry cleaner
establishment continued, don't be alarmed,
my Nexus One observation and the chick with
the flimsy brassiere.
Your Bathtub Speaker!
1/15/2010

28.7 MB
Don't be alarmed, Cosmo, my dry cleaning
establishment, the chopper at the mall,
girls and bathtub speakers, her washer and
dryer and lots more!
Her Hair Plugs!
1/8/2010

32.0 MB
My late night walks, hunting in
Michigan, a couple of great ideas, If I had
a daughter, the forty-five year old
mattress and much more!
The Dildo Factory!
1/1/2010

29.5 MB
Live in-field recording direct from the
Dawn Dildo factory in Howard City, Michigan!
Radio Controlled Xmas Tree!
12/18/09
35.0 MB
Walmart, my secret compartment in the
floor under the Christmas tree idea, the
sound relaxation machine, the Christmas tree
on the wheelchair, the flying Christmas
tree, the Subway girl and lots more!
I'm The Milkman!
12/11/2009
33.0 MB
My Black & Decker vibrating seat, the
race the woman will always win, the vertical
Christmas tree with remote, my holiday skirt
idea, the bed sheets on Gasparilla Island,
when I see chicks and lots more!
The Dyson Donging!
12/04/2009

31.8 MB Use parts taken from a
hotel/motel toilet and you too can perform
the Dyson Donging Maneuver, the
diabetic in Miami, my sex toy polishing
machine, my belly button experiment, small
game hunting in Michigan and much more!
MY BLACK BABY!
11/20/2009

36.6 MB To Tampa I go to get some
holiday weed!
Emergency Chewing Gum!
11/13/2009

30.0 MB
Wintertime emergency tips for chicks,
the Play Place at McDonald's, Butterball
turkey pop-up timers and lots more!
Dumpster Writhing!
11/06/2009

30.6 MB
At the movies, when I see a girl, the
Home Depot (cartoon woman) at the
self-checkout, pleasure time at McDonald's
and lots more!
17
Pairs of Panties!
10/30/2009

29.4 MB
The Salvation Army panty purchase, my
pumpkin photocell sex thing, homeless women
and dumpsters, my last week working as a
volunteer at a haunted house and lots more!
CHEROKEE!
10/23/2009 
31.5 MB
Her parakeet flew into the open panel
that lead to her attic and she wanted me to
find it.
Three Chicks One Paraplegic!
10/16/2009
30.6 MB
Off the road in a heavy rainstorm I meet
up with three women and a man in the early
morning hours.
Bob For Apples!
10/09/2009
31.0 MB Ten things I watch out for in
a woman, I pierced her ear with a carpet
needle, my Halloween costume idea, I'm
working at a haunted house, my excellent
bobbing for apples invention and lots more!
Get The Color Out!
10/02/2009

31.3 MB
My new invention that connects to your car
radiator, a poem, what my stepfather once
said that pulled me out of a severe
nosedive, wash your hole mole and lots more!
Bertha's Box!
9/25/2009
58.7 MB
Live on tape in-field recording direct
from Oak Hill Cemetery!
My Coffee Book!
9/18/2009

33.1 MB My photographs since I was
seven, the water that rushed into the hole,
Theodore Bikel, the mall Hurricane, the Fios
tech lady, the one gallon canister next to
my bed and lots more!
Tiffany Calling! 9/11/2009

34 MB
Pumpkins and how best to use them, my
sixth grade teacher Carol Smith, wash your
hole, she wants 12,000 bucks to fix it, my
boiling water experiment and lots more!
Duke My Cuke!
9/4/2009
31 MB The Hurricane contraption at the shopping
mall (and my black date), chicks love my
tacky two thing, my screened tent on the
sands of Clearwater Beach (with the zippered
floor) and lots more!
Moans-O-Plenty!
8/28/2009
31.9 MB
A hole a day for seven days (and on the
seventh day I'll rest), wash your snatch, my
wireless butt plug invention, my coke
experiment and lots more!
Captain Nemo!
8/21/2009
32 MB
Something I tell all my chicks, the
McDonald's Play Place, Walmart and the three
wheeled bicycle, don't play with your food
and lots more!
Momma and Me! 8/14/09

55.0 MB
Walnut Hill Cemetery phoned and informed
my mother that my stepfather and his
water-logged casket had to be moved right
quick. Live in-field on tape recording
direct from the Laurel Oak Inn!
Hoop-A-La-Helen's Roll-A-Round! 8/7/09
57.2 MB
I strap on an Edirol and head over to
historic Hoop-A-La Helen's Roll-A-Round
Roller Skating Rink. Exciting and
action packed don't miss this live on tape
in-field recording direct from this
55-year-old rink!
Pink Bismuth!
7/31/2009

31.3 MB
Load blows calculated, we're all
mountain climbers, my water saving
idea, the redhead went grey, my trip to the
dollar store and lots more!
Ring of Fire! 7/24/2009

29.5 MB
The beach pillow, the hitchhiker, the
ranger, my motion sensor nap safety device,
the temporary tooth I made that gets chicks
and lots more!
The Rosenbury Affair!
7/17/2009

29.4 MB The
rubber raft, Doctor Rosenbury and the bogus
tooth, the topless dancer and her kids, the
McDonald's belt buckle and lots more!
Moose River! 7/10/2009
52.4 MB
Join me at my campsite at Moose River in
Maine! Exciting in-field on tape
recording!
My Musical Septic Tank!
7/3/2009

28.8 MB
My married friend and his old lady, my
new improved Slip and Slide idea, my airline
musical septic tank scheme, how you too can
get out of speeding tickets, my 4th of July
underwear cannon and lots more!
Slip and Slide! 6/26/2009

28.9 MB Dear
Norm, note to self, Auschwitz and me, find
love with my Slip and Slide idea, Rocket
Romp and lots more!
The Wienermobile!
6/19/2009

29.1 MB Musket Norm, clicking
fingers, my airline septic tank DNA identification
probe device, my vibratory pulse fake metal
detector chick getter and lots more!
TASOG Is Hiring!
6/12/2009

28.9 MB
Clicking fingers again, fun facts,
passenger plane septic tanks, TASOG, new
inventions and lots more!
Blow Globes 6/5/2009

32.7 MB
Blow globes, chicks with broken bones, note
to self, yellow mustard, glitter, the scary
sound chicks make and lots more!
Note To Self 5/29/2009

31.0 MB The nurse
practitioner, my buried treasure scam,
diaries, old photographs inside headlights
and much more!
Jersey Cows 5/22/2009

31.6 MB My
hinged plywood ceiling board, her
constipation story,
fun facts, the unique girl sound, the
incident with the horseshoe lady (and her
big titted twins) and lots
more!
Don't Be Alarmed 5/15/2009

33.2 MB
Fun facts, chicks with broken bones,
Universal Studios, Pepto-Bismol and my mom
and lots more!
Beach Metal! 5/8/2009
60.5 MB
Let's hunt for scrap metal! Live on
tape (nighttime) in-field recording using
an Edirol R-09!
(((::IN-STEREO::)))
Make Your Own Sex Nickel! 5/1/2009

30.2 MB
Get women using the sex nickel, the
eyeglasses that were missing something, my
vibrator vending machine with lots of extra
options, my kite making contraption and lots
more!
Her Hubby Wants To Talk To Me! 4/24/2009

34 MB The sex nickel and her lamp,
quick facts, another invention, the woman
and her kid at McDonald's and lots more!
Win Friends Influence People!
4/17/2009 
32.0 MB The
scissor chick, the outhouse gal, make money
from beach sand and lots more!
Seventy Five Bucks
4/10/2009

35.2 MB
I head to Tampa for smoke supplies on a
borrowed ten speed bicycle, the chick in the
cubicle next to you, my bathroom rubber
stamp and lots more!
She Lived In A Cardboard Box
4/3/2009

31.5 MB
The parakeet, the girl in the
cardboard box and what the woman said to me
while we were on the dance floor.
A Canoe Full of Vittles
3/27/2009

31.1 MB
My shiny canoe, vittles, the call from
the psychiatrist and the glass blower on
Clearwater beach.
Backdoor Magazine and The Airport
3/20/09

30.2 MB
The pelican suffered a heart attack
mid-flight.
The Beach Bum
3/13/2009

31.1 MB Asleep on the beach with
my plastic pumpkin and she woke me up in the
most unique way.
The Railroad Tie
3/6/2009

28.1 MB She made wooden peace
signs and sold them at the beach.
Under The Driver's Seat
2/27/2009

30.6 MB
It was hidden under the car seat 'til we
ran out of gas at the airport.
Floating Debris and Me 2/20/2009

30.6 MB I've got my arms around
a woman and we're lying on a beach and
that's when something washes ashore and
slams into my balls.
Boom Went Her Toilet
2/13/2009

30.6 MB She asked me to come to
her Naples Florida home to help her replace
her toilet.
Gas Can Massage
2/6/2009

34.4 MB The
thrift store, The Jitterbug, my subway fall,
phoning grandma, AAA and a whole lot more!
Schindler's Lisp 1/30/2009

28.5 MB
She had a second floor helicopter pad and I
talk about my latest endeavor with regards
to Schindler's Lisp.
She Died For Me
1/23/2009
27.1 MB She was hanging
from the rafters inside the ice fishing
shanty and then she let go and dropped into
the hole.
Duke Sausage 1/16/2009

27.3 MB I rent an ice fishing shanty
in the upper peninsula of Michigan (Delta
County). Live on tape in-field recording
using an Edirol R-09.
MY SD Memory Card Hack
1/9/09

31.2 MB My pulley
contraption, her dad is a vegetable and her
mom is in an iron lung, the pregnancy test,
I woke up with my hand glued to the wall and
much more!
Me and My Porcupine Puffer Fish
1/2/2009

32.2 MB
Fake root balls, Hallmark Cards, the
double amputee, the chick that tried to mow
me down and the Flapper.
Get Chicks Using My Xmas Tree Stand
12/19/08

32.5 MB
Get truckloads of chicks this holiday by
building a unique Christmas tree stand that
moves the tree vertically up and down.
He Didn't Show Up
12/15/08 
30.3 MB Unisex barber shops and my
job interview in New York.
Soto Romero And My UV Dick Sterilizer
12/05/08
33.3 MB I ball a Spanish woman
behind Vega Ortega's and I talk about my
excellent UV penis sterilizer that I
developed by altering a UV toothbrush
sterilizer.
The Log Roll Competition At The Wal-Mart
11/28/08

29.7 MB
Black Friday at the Wal-Mart and the
unexpected lumberjack log roll competition.
I'll Shoot My Own Thanksgiving Turkey
11/21/08

29.6 MB
This year I'm
gonna hunt down and shoot my own
Thanksgiving day turkey. Live in field
recording using an Edirol R-09.
Gravy & Vinegar in The Finger Holes
11/14/08

32.4 MB
At the bowling alley drinking Vernor's
Ginger Ale and eating hamburgers and while
I'm at the bowling alley I'm putting my
latest bowling ball finger filler up hole
thingy contraption to work.
Her Over Inflated Select Comfort Bed
11/7/08

30.8 MB
The case hardened steel ball bearings
froze up and then they blew up the air
compressor of her Sleep Number bed!
10 Speed Remote Control Pleasure Bullet
10/31/08 
30.3 MB
Happy Halloween! In this exciting
episode I
talk about my holiday employment at a
haunted house (I'm a ghost). Additionally I
tell you about a woman that called to
complain and I talk
about how pumpkin love making has kinda
caught on for me.
Be A Ghost. Get Chicks
10/24/2008

29.5 MB I'm
working at the haunted house, nitrous oxide
pumpkins, she blames me for her Halloween
yeast infection and lots more!
My Spanish Fly Pumpkin Concoction
10/17/07 
31.4 MB Sexually charged gaseous
pumpkins (just follow my easy recipe),
vibrator empaths, her dead ferret, pogo
sticks and lots
more!
The Anvil and Her Powerful Pussy Lips
10/10/08

29.7 MB I'm counting my nose
hairs, the sound of pubic hairs being torn
out, my Polaroid pictures, the anvil lady
(and her snatch lips) and much more!
I Cut The Dolphin in Half!
10/3/2008

27.5 MB On a boat with Norm
fishing in the Gulf of Mexico. Live in-field
recording using an Edirol R-09!
Her Cotton Ventilated Panel
9/26/08

30.7 MB The lady on the
beach was wearing her bikini bottom inside
out. I was just being a Good Samaritan.
My Go-Kart Weed Machine
9/19/2008

32.2 MB I build a go-kart that
will take me to Tampa where a fresh brick of
weed awaits me.
The Maxi Pad and The Coke Can
9/12/08
30.7 MB Clicking my fingers again, the
gravy incident, hurricanes and bathing, the
beach discovery and lots more!
My Dildo Recycling Plan
9/5/2008

29.3 MB
By 2015 there will be 100 million abandoned,
antiquated, worn-out dildos lying about in
the United States. Hear Norm talk
about his revolutionary dildo recycling
idea!
Dead Cats and Your Enormous Gape
8/29/2008

33.2
MB The fat
whore with the Snickers bar (at the movies),
the back to school shoppers at Wal-Mart and
don't send me photographs of your big gape.
I Seesawed The Beaver
8/22/2008

29.4
During a flag football game I massaged
(and resuscitated) a beaver and then I
seesawed the sister.
I Broke Her Pelvic Bone
8/15/2008

My cousin from Las Vegas and how I broke
her pelvic bone.
My Nitrogen Balloon Bee Bomb
8/08/08

26.6 MB
The beehive had to go. Live on tape
in-field recording using an Edirol R-09.
Her Foaming Encare Oval
8/1/08
32.5 MB
The psychiatrist called to say I was,
"clinically insane," the bong water and her
Encare oval vaginal suppositories and I'm
inserting dildos into loaves of bread at
supermarkets and it feels real good.
Finney Must Die!
7/25/08

31.5 MB
The upside down Saint Joseph figurine in
a McDonald's cup, I told him it was Gatorade
and Finney was gonna drive me to Tampa on
his vintage Chinese military motorbike with
sidecar (so that I could get my brick of
weed) but he pulled the release lever
instead.
They Stole The Tires And
The Gas
7/18/08 
30.7 MB
I wanted to buy a brick of weed but the
moped I used to get to the buy fucked me
real good.
The Dollar Store Plastic
Testicle Cactus
7/11/08

28.3 MB
Women's shoes at the Salvation Army
store, the crocheted rooster head egg
warmers, his dollar store cactus scheme and
lots more!
My 4th Of July Underwear
Cannon
7/4/2008

30.2 MB My amazing
Independence Day underwear cannon and my
sister Sandy shows up at all holiday family
gatherings and heads straight to the toilet.
The Parakeet and The Dildo
6/27/2008

30.3 MB Her Hohner
harmonica, the roach I inhaled, the lady
with the enormous asshole, I wasted her
parakeet (RK) and loads more!
Mommies Fun Place
6/20/2008

30.2 MB Six chicks (more
even) sent me photographs of their pussies
and will pay for my web server for a month
provided I eat out their snatch for sixty
guaranteed minutes. I talk about those
pictures and a whole lot more!
Empty Mommies Colostomy Bag
6/13/2008

29.9 MB Her sick lawn,
please empty mommies colostomy bag (In the
ocean) and lots
more!
It's Making Cracking Sounds
6/6/08

30.8 MB
Chicks with broken legs, KY Yours &
Mine, I'm snapping my fingers again, strange
cracking sounds are emanating from my penis
and lots more!
The Beach Hotel
5/30/2008

28.7 MB I left my woman in a
hotel room for just a short while and when I
came back she had a guy in the room and I
update you on the status of my guaranteed
money making bank robbery scheme.
The Ballsy Poodle
5/23/2008

The Poodle with the red scarf incident,
my shopping cart invention and lots more!
My Latest
Book 5/16/2008

29.2 MB My latest
book: 2.5 Million Fucking Positions,
the Starbucks logo controversy, the Target
department store help button and lots more!Metal Detecting At The Beach 5/9/2008

28.9 MB I look for buried
treasure on a beach in Florida only this
beach doesn't allow treasure hunters (no
metal detectors allowed). Find out how I
thwart beach officials by using my custom
built detector toboggan, a blowup doll and a
zippered vinyl lunch bucket. Recorded live
on tape using an Edirol R-09.
Hair Lip 5/2/2008

32.6 MB Clearwater Beach,
the movies, Brickhouse and the heel of her
shoe, my invention and lots more!
The Floating Band-Aid (I almost
swallowed) 4/25/08

33.0 MB They got me on
videotape, the Band-Aid I almost swallowed,
Cosmopolitan magazine, the shopping cart at
Walgreens.
My Wooden Clogs
4/18/2008

32.0 MB Jim Wilson,
the bicycle built for two, her Harley, I
took the bus to pick up my package, the
clogs and lots more!
Roadside Assistance 4/11/2008

30.4 MB Her car broke down and I was
going to assist her and the story
about a rogue wheelchair that slammed into
my vintage Caddy (while I was at the
Wal-Mart).
Sound Waves and Their Megaphones
4/4/08

29.6 MB
Get with lots of chicks using my
revolutionary breast megaphone sound wave
method, the squirrel I helped and how
best to use a hacksaw when cutting through
bicycle frames.
Crybaby
3/28/08 
29.3 MB She phoned from Georgia
to tell me that I'm a crybaby.
The Baker Act
3/22/08

28.6 MB Held against
my will in a behavioral science ward.
Audio Stick Of Amplified Pleasure 3/14/08

28.2 MB One out of four
teenage American girls and my amplified
audio pleasure stick idea with
weatherproof speakers.
My Ten Inch Toilet Seat
3/7/08

29.2 MB Her Dormia Space Age foam
mattress (continued), remove pesky pubic
lice (crabs) from pubic mounds using an
inexpensive lint roller, make paper mache
toilet seats that collapse when someone sits
on them, my lemon cake comment and the mall
security guard, I fell off an exterior
Wal-Mart wall ladder while carrying a
pillowcase chocked full of custom made
dildos and lots more!
She Says I'm Vulgar and The 50
Gallon Drum 2/29

28.7 MB
I hurt myself by falling into a deep
hole, a woman phones me and says I'm
Vulgar and I get a free 50 gallon drum
of Pliatex casting rubber.
Her Bed Is Broken
2/22/08

34.2 MB The defective bed, the buy, my
shoes, tooth fillings.
Fisticuffs With An Angry Hag
2/15/08

30.9 MB
My parking lot ordeal with the
angry middle-aged bag.
The 7-Eleven Slurpee Incident
2/8/08

29 MB More trouble from the ice
fishing rental guy, her wine store (and my
dildo idea), Gloria and the 7-Eleven
Incident and lots more!
Push Button For Manual Flush
2/1/08

30.4 MB She said I needed ten
friends, the toilet flush button,
always use a lint roller before handling the
genitals of your lover, masking tape,
doorbell buttons, at the movies and lots
more!
The Houghton Lake Ice Fishing Shanty
1/25/08

28.2 MB I rent an ice fishing shanty
on Houghton Lake in Michigan and it eerily
resembles a Vietnam hot box.
Help! (Live in field recording using
an Edirol R-09).
Her Walk-In Bathtub
1/18/2008

33.9 MB The phone call from
the woman in Seattle, my long lost nudie
Polaroid pictures, my new menopause pad
invention, I hit myself in the jaw with a
jar of spaghetti sauce and I get flushed out
a walk-in bathtub and end up in a Tampa
hospital.
He Had A Club Foot 1/11/2008

29.0 MB
I drove them to the airport and something
bad happened, the attorney and her rewrite
demands (regarding my essay), my date stood
up at the restaurant and informed me that I
wasn't, "Normal," my $250 dumping fine
and lots more!
Her Punk Lit My Caddy On Fire
1/4/2008

29.8 MB Her kid lit
my car on fire, the Christmas beating, dad
and the boat and lots more!
Megan Was A Double-D 12/28/2007

30.1 MB The airplane in the crotch
incident, my mood ring observation, my sleep dicking incident, my hand job from the woman
living behind Kmart and I played Twister
with her kids and her daughter was a
Double-D.
Hunting In Hamilton At Christmastime
12/21/07

28.9 MB I'm
invited to go on a hunting outing on a rural
500 acre piece of land in upstate New York
(near Blue Mountain Lake). I bring
along my .357 handgun and my 12 gauge
shotgun. Be my guest on my special
holiday hunt.
Keep It Green
(Your Christmas Tree)
12/14/07
32.2 MB Free Nordstrom
gift via helium balloon, paper-mache
Christmas tree toppers, Smitten For Clinton,
the methane explosion, let's make a snowman,
my Christmas lovemaking story.
Winter Wonderland
12/07/07

30.2 MB
The Omaha shooting, create fake (sand
filled) paper-mache Christmas gifts (and
throw them at people in Wal-Mart parking
lots), vacant or occupied, Hanukkah gifts,
my doorbell torch gig and much more!
In The Cuff Of Her Pants
11/30/07

32.3 MB I talk about my four days
working at a Christmas tree lot in Buffalo,
New York.
Bonus Poem - Lake Toho 11/23/07

1.11 MB I asked her to go
on an airboat ride and she brought her kid
with her.
A Paper-Mache
Turkey For You
11/16/07 
30 MB Learn how to make rock hard,
miniature, paper-mache holiday turkeys that
you can throw at people and hopefully knock
them unconscious.
Red is Dead
11/09/2007

27.6 MB I've got my rifle and I'm
in a swamp in Florida and I'm gonna take out
a woodpecker but the whole thing winds up a
grizzly, horrific, unbelievable, bloody
mess. Remote field recording using an
Edirol.
Black Power
11/02/07

29.3 Chanukah, the death of
my dad, attire for pregnant women, their
toy, the clogged chicken artery, her acrylic
nail.
Girls Wrap Your Legs In Aluminum Foil
10/26

32.3 MB
Helpful hints, artificial hips and
knees, a sandwich made with heels, walking
on sharp tissue and nearly dying, Halloween
invention for chicks.
My Halloween Blow Job Contraption
10/19/07 
32.2 MB This Halloween get lots of
action with my invention, baby poop sifting
update, Mathew 18:20, another complaint,
masking tape on hotel carpets (what I
recently found), and the one place you
should be using lint rollers.
Bob For My Apples
10/12/2007 
29.3 MB A game I
invented that you and your old lady can
participate in together during Halloween and
it's like the log roll that lumberjacks
compete in but it's for women only and it's
a lot more difficult.
Never Use Your Thumbs and The Art Of Shit
Shaping
10/5/07

I destroy a wheelchair strapped to the
back of a 1976 Chrysler Cordoba, breasts,
germs, pink Energizer batteries and a whole
lot more!
White Widow
9/28/07

33.1 MB
I try to purchase a couple of White
Widow marijuana seeds and the buy goes bad.
Real Bad.
Welcome To Maceland
9/21/07

29.5 MB The unexpected phone call,
my dream about Maceland, sleepdicking,
breast-feeding and lots more!
My Roman Coin Was A Ku Klux Klan Token
9/14 
28.7 MB She asked me to
come over to re-caulk her bathtub, my
diaphragm flower pot and while sifting
through baby shit in the mall
(using my latest money making scheme) I
found a coin and lots more!
Baby Poop Prospecting
9/7/2007

27.8 MB
When you're walking down the halls and
your balls hit the walls and how you can
make big money by sifting through baby poop
in public restrooms.
Jeffrey Dahmer Ate My Daddy
August 31, 2007
31.4 MB How to brick your
neighbors router, I caved-in the Toyota
Yaris, the best way to return your inkjet
cartridges, my (at birth) age advancement
idea, facial detection specialists at
airports, the big baby bird landed on my
hood and the story about the girl that told
me her father was eaten by serial killer
Jeffrey Dahmer.
Ginger Heights
August 24, 2007 
29.7 MB You aren't ever getting a
call on your iPhone, the guy from Vietnam,
she asked me to videotape the birth of her
child, 18 Wheeler, dead chicks with
unfinished business, Ginger Heights and much
more!
I Drilled Her Dress Off
August 17, 2007 
35.9 MB Use masking tape in your
hotel room to detect pubic hairs, me naked
and standing on a Sit 'n Spin at your bridal shower, if
you're pregnant please stop trying to be
sexy, get action by putting on a fake garage
sale (I'll tell you how), I get an
unexpected call from a police detective who
suspects that I'm drilling holes into car
doors and much more!
Some Cement For You
August 10, 2007

29.6 MB Rare in the field
recording offers step by step instructions
on how you too can fill car doors of people
you've never met (with cement) and the story
about the cat that beheaded my bird friend.
18 Wheeler
August 3, 2007 
30 MB
Cloning puppies from the DNA of Doo
Drop, my rubber band vibrator idea, the
contraceptive sponge, 18 Wheeler, filling
car doors with concrete and lots more!
Doo Drops Coffin
July 27, 2007
(CLICK
TO SEE PHOTOGRAPH OF DOO DROPS COFFIN)
30.1 MB
I accidentally pushed my foot through
the lid of Doo Drops homemade coffin, I was
nearly arrested by a Florida game warden,
chicks with broken bones, I found panties in
a supermarket, the famous woman that Fed-Exed
me the GPS unit and lots more!
Our Vaginal Contraceptive Film (VCF) Doobies

26.6 MB In my dream I'm making
love in a dumpster, her VCF saved the day, my new living art
invention, hymens in amber (fossilized tree
resin), scary cracking noises in my private
area and lots more!
The Volkswagen Incident July 13,
2007

27.9 MB
The unexpected phone call, the
Volkswagen, the Ivory Billed Woodpecker and
lots more!
Jean Brown July 6, 2007 
28 MB
Pregnant women, Jean Brown, Mister
Roboto, my underwear cannon update, the Jet
Ski incident and lots more!
Bagpiper Boy June 29, 2007

30.7 MB The Black Widow
spider and the Diamondback rattlesnake den,
the Canon camera TV commercial, ghosts, my
dream with the girl using the walker, my
July 4th underwear cannon, my new United
States postage stamp invention, the kid
bagpiper and lots more!
More Pancakes June 22, 2007

28.3 MB I hate your
family and especially your friends, older
women looking for younger men (Cougars),
Dolphins looking like vibrators, Crest
Pro-Health toothpaste and your sexual needs,
my Virginia Tech inspired invention and lots
more!
She Wore Her Bikini June 15, 2007 
29.2 MB My coming of age
speech, the bait box lid knocked her
unconscious, the seahorse I killed with my
own urine, my empty rubber love pods I left
at the motel, my new invention, chicks with
broken legs and lots more.
KFC Big Bowl or Big Hole? June 8,
2007

29.1 MB My friend the
physical therapist, the KFC Big Bowl verses
the Big Hole, the comedian Margaret Cho with
a brush cut and no lipstick looks just like
the Virginia Tech gunman (Cho), Yahoo
Answers, the kid that nearly killed me and
lots more.
Women Only June 1, 2007

28.7 MB Magazine covers,
100 million people are doing it, Panera Bread,
the fish filet incident, at the beach,
Wal-Mart, Neosporin, Silverjet, Eclipse
Fusion gum, the women only floor at the
Marriott.
Forever 21 May 25, 2007

31.0 MB She sweeps up hair
at Forever 21, Betty Crocker carrot cake
mix, my dream, her dog food, Kmart Wall of
Honor, the oak hash pipe incident.
Universal Studios, Florida
May 18, 2007
32.9 MB
I spend the day at Universal Studios,
Florida.
Mothers Day and The Rabbit Foot

27.3 MB
The rabbit foot for my mom, my
Steak n' Shake dream, the Easy Button, the
hearing aid, mood panties, my litmus paper
Hallmark card idea and lots more!
Case Dismissed May 4, 2007

27.3 MB The judge dismisses her
case, a hovercraft for her, my constipation
invention, the Apple window display, the
package I received and lots more!
The Injured 29 April 27, 2007

28.3 MB The 29 injured Virginia
Tech survivors, chicks with broken bones, I
don't care if it's your birthday, honeybees,
my handicapped guy in the wheelchair scary movie idea and more!
Virginia Tech April 20, 2007

27.7 MB Virginia Tech, my
underwear in the hotel safe, Rolo candy, her
missing fingernail polish.
Podcamp NYC April 13, 2007 
27.6 The restraining
order, my airport search, the big woman on
the plane, Miriam, Podcamp NYC.
Her Beaver Pelt April 5,
2007

27.5 MB My new FAA invention, her
face peel, more Honda 70 troubles and lots
more.
Penny Loafers March 30, 2007

28.2 MB California Red Bud
and someone ratted me out.
Honda 70 March 24, 2007

29 MB I bought the
Honda 70 at a flea market and I was going to
impress her with my skills.
People
Helping Birds March 16, 2007 
26.9 MB The electrocution
in the Caddy, the self igniting fragrance
releasing semen sock, the dog park,
supermarket skin, hot wax, a new national
registry, the bowling alley and more.
The Fair March 9, 2007

25.8 The supermarket, the
pelican, the fair, world anthem, my corn cob
invention, new semen sock model, chicks with
broken legs and lots more!
This is Bluegill
March 2, 2007

27.5 MB
Sometimes I hear my stepfather, toilet
bowls, the coffin/casket idea, Quiznos, my
sock invention, Wal-Mart Easter baskets, the
fat pelican and more!
Tommy You're Scaring Lindsay
February 23, 2007

26.8 MB White teeth, the
shopping cart incident, the atomic clock
vibrator idea, the syringe I stepped on, her
worn toilet plunger handle and lots more!
The Parking Spot February 16, 2007 
29.1 MB The
parking lot fight (with a woman), good schools, ice-skating,
girls with broken legs, aspirins, my fake
box of chocolate invention, bowling, his
answering machine and more!
Dog Watson
February 9, 2007 
28.1 MB
Vending machines for transients, combination
book light/vaginal cameras, your cell phone
ain't never gonna ring, gumball machines
with my prize inside and poor Watson
didn't have a chance.
One Dollar & Seventy Five Cents
February 2, 2007

26.5 MB She needed the air raid
siren, she used her Roomba robotic floor
vacuum to suck up condoms, free cocaine at
the bank, educational vibrators, blue ice,
my dinky, how you too can perform delicate
sexual moves like a seasoned safecracker, she was
violated by someone she trusted and lots
more.
Morse Code Lovin' January 26, 2007

27.3 MB Grandma, Sleep
Number 69, Morse Code, red pubes, the locked
toilet tank at McDonald's and lots more.
Her Bubble Machine January 19,
2007

25.9 MB Toilet
training, India, the splits, Sadie's
Portraits, the sign at the playground, the
kite at Clearwater Beach, her bubble machine
and lots more!
He's in The Drawer January 12,
2007

26.9 MB Airport toilets, the arts
and crafts store and the squirrel buried in
the drawer (He had to go).
She Wears Insolence January
5, 2007

28 MB Stanley Steemer,
my door-to-door sales job, programmable
panties and lots more!
My Polaroid Pictures Dec. 29, 2006

28.5 MB A girl I
dated while attending college is dead,
at the mall and her pants disintegrated,
my photographs in the water pipes, vibrating
chairs at the mall and lots more!
Her Odd Christmas Tree December
22, 2006

32 MB Fossils, American
Express, iPod Mattress Kit, Heelys, condoms
in bookstores, her unusual Xmas tree and
more!
Cottonelle December 15, 2006

30.7 MB Christmastime,
Shim-Shin-Do, The Starbucks orgy, the heat
lamp, the metric system and lots more!
Wrap My Meat (For the holidays)
December 8, 2006

28.2 MB The parabolic dish,
she was wrapping gifts at the shopping mall,
her cat doesn't like me, dust and lots more!
It Burns December 1, 2006

28.9 MB I've planted
hypnotic suggestions into your sleeping kids
ear, I don't like your friends or family
(especially your sister) they questioned us
about our trunk action and lots more!
Trunk Lovin' November 24, 2006

31.2 MB My new invention, love in
my Cadillac trunk and lots more.
Bank Love November 17, 2006
30.6 MB My custom made just for you
shoe store idea, Yankee Candle, Feliz
Navidad, love at a bank and lots more.
Help Me November 10, 2006

33.2 MB A psychiatrist calls me, shoes
at Nordstrom, miniature golf and the bird
lady, the septic tank crying out for help
and lots more.
My Jell-O Jack O' Lantern & Electro Boy
Nov. 03, 2006

29 MB Tide-To-Go, the
cassette recordings I made as a kid, my
Jell-O Jack O' Lantern and Electro Boy.
The Singles Halloween Hayride
October 27, 2006

28.40 MB The Halloween hayride (for singles) and
the pumpkin you can carve that'll get you
chicks (guaranteed).
Halloween Stains October 20,
2006

28.2 MB The basement I
lived in, gifts for me, the stains I saw on
Halloween night (that make sense to me now),
my Halloween party and lots more!
Into the Furnace on Halloween Night
October 13

It was the last thing I saw before I
fell into the furnace and it haunts me.
Corn Dodger
October 06, 2006

29 MB Corn dodgers and cans
of beans and the squirrel I screwed up.
My Video iPod Eulogy Idea
September 29

31 MB Using my
revolutionary system/method you'll know more
about that dead person than you ever
did when they were alive.
Her Find
September 22, 2006
26 MB
She found a diamond ring.
McDonald's
September 16, 2006

29 MB
My latest invention.
Down There
September 8, 2006

26.2 MB
Everyone in America is actually humping
one another in a small wooded area.
Skull Creek
September 1, 2006

25.8 MB Sarasota, termites,
my transparent plaster mousetrap and lots
more!
Gifts For Me
August 27, 2006

30.8 MB Gifts for me, my
invention, the movies and more!
The Pancake Dinner
August 18, 2006 
30.0 MB I worked at a pancake benefit
and a retard there nearly got me killed.
Die Mower Die!
August 11, 2006
30.5 MB My lawnmower had to
go and the supermarket incident.
The Park
August 4, 2006

28.3 MB Metal detecting at the
historic park, the bowling alley and lots
more!
Her Rock Tumbler
July 28, 2006

29.9 MB Park Rangers,
good neighborhoods, chain-of-humping,
depression, her rock tumblers and lots more!
His Scab Smoked Up My Car
July 21, 2006 
28.6 MB
My diary, the plastic Easter eggs and
the Mexican jumping beans (and the bird
nest), the scab from her kid stunk and
smoked up my car, I played five hundred with
my neighbor, his mom, the whistle and lot's more!
My Arrest
July 15, 2006

28.6
MB
At the movies, my arrest, fiber optic
fishing, the propane mousetrap and lots
more!
Pink Detonator
July 7, 2006

26.8 MB I went camping with the
daughter of a dead trucker, the portable
solar shower, Mac the poodle and lots more!
The 4th of July with Grandmother in Miami
June 30, 2006

27.2 MB
The roller skating rink, salt crystal
lamps, the 4th of July with grandmother and
lots more!
The Beekeeper Girl
June 23, 2006

27.4 MB Your zipper, in the
department store restroom, the bird nest
invention, the beekeeper and lots more!
The Motorized Bed
June 16, 2006

26.6 MB
The wind-up flashlight, the stench of her
stitches, the toboggan, the motorized bed
and lots more!
Ride The Movies
June 9, 2006

25.8 MB The wine drinking lovers at
the movies, her dentures, Universal Studios
and lots more!
The Kentucky Fried Chicken Big Bowl $4.99
June 2, 2006

28 MB Pubic pillows, on the pew with
the red head, the laundry basket alongside
the highway, KFC, her daughters name is
Reese, the restroom inspection form,
hurricane preparation and lots more!
Her Relaxation Sound Machine
May 26, 2006

27.2 MB
Models and the subtext of their pose, the
sound machine near her bed, sex in a gopher
turtle den, the kids toilet in the family
restroom (lined with squares of toilet
paper) and lots more.
Jelly Jars
May 19, 2006 
28.2 MB
The young pinko, the bowling prize, get
chicks using the hamster on the exercise wheel scam,
metal detecting and the sexual story behind
the book I donated to the Jerome K. Jerome
museum.
The Cheeseburger
May 12, 2006

27 MB Mothers day, the
cheeseburger fell through the rusted out
hole in her floorboards, the maple syrup
that wasn't and lots more.
The Blair Witch Bitch
May 5, 2006 
27.7 MB The Blair Witch chick,
the party bus, a leather mallet between her
f-ckin' eyes and lots more.
Carol's House
April 28, 2006

27.9 MB
If Ross hadn't come in I might be retarded
right now or dead even.
I Killed a Family With A High-Powered
Snowmobile

April 21, 2006
42.6 MB
She called to say I spelled 'thong' wrong,
the after-hours Easter party and how the
guests (at the party) told stories and
laughed and drank 'til it was my turn to
tell my story, the walnut engraved
box filled with her dead moms hair and lots
more.
A Day At The Beach
April 14

40.3 MB
I was gonna find coins from long lost
Spanish Galleons (and jewelry) or maybe just
a shark tooth but instead I found some
other things, Easter at my grandmothers
and the never before told story of my sister
Sandy who just can't get enough.
Her Acrylic Nails and the Pubic Hairs April 7

44.4 MB
There were pubic hairs stuck in the clear
coat atop her acrylic nails, Benny the
parakeet was killed when the old man shit
his pants (again), my metal-detecting
anti-rape motion sensor and lots more.
Motorhips
March 31 
44.4 MB
Her punky kid ripped my car apart,
juggernaut hips, Nora and I ball on the
handicap ramp and lots more.
Vivian
March 24

44.2 MB Jerry gets
certified, chicks with broken bones, Vivian,
Benny the parakeet, her father crapped his
pants and more.
The Rat March 17
43.6 MB I trapped a raccoon and
he was gonna love me and we were gonna be
friends and I was gonna teach him tricks and
I was gonna awe and amaze my friends and
then the raccoon that was really a rat bit
the end of my finger off so he had to f-ckin'
die.
I illegally Dumped a Dishwasher One Piece At
A Time
March 10
49.4 MB
I was gonna score big so long as I
transported her new dishwasher to her house
and then removed the old one and then
installed the new one and then took the old
one the f-ck away.

Love Dice
March 3

42.8 MB Mister Clean, hymenoplasty,
the foam bed, found panties and the slip and
fall.
Flashlights
One Dollar February 23

44.2 MB Hope plus doubt
equals desire, the pitching machine, the
coffee girl.
The Twilight
Years Trailer Park February
15, 2006

40.4 MB His
China lady, inside the trailer, trouble at
the theater and lots more.
Key Lime Pie
Factory and Restaurant February 8,
2006

39.5 MB She worked at the pie
factory and she told me to call her Pie
Bitch, Valentine's Day, the lady with
the space-age foam mattress, great men like
Gandhi or Abraham Lincoln didn't swear
and lots more.
Plaster of
Paris and I Found IUD's February
3, 2006

41.4 MB She's not gonna sue me now
thanks to plaster of paris, I found copper
coins that were really IUD's, the slot car
track, the Morning-after pill, your orgasm
face frozen forever for future generations
and the bird that probably committed
suicide.
Elexa
Freshening Wipes by Trojan January
26, 2006

45.9 MB Elexa Freshening Wipes by
Trojan, 100 million people doing it in
America every day, the dangling modifier and
personal pronoun, swearing, the chick that
left a permanent impression of her body onto
her Dormia foam mattress is suing me,
vibrating rings, citizen band radios and
lots more.
Miss America January 18, 2006

45.8 MB The Miss America
Pageant, the memory foam bed, the panties I
found at the mall, the programmable
light-emitting diode (LED) belt buckle and
lots more.
The Diaper Left Behind January 11,
2006

46 MB I'm in the family restroom
at the department store and waiting just for
me is an abandoned diaper filled with fresh
shit. He died and she says he lit
up the room when he'd enter it, Little
Boy, Cosmo Magazine, cell phones the post
office and lots more.
I Wasn't Right For Her January 5,
2006

27.3 MB I'm at the restaurant and she
says she doesn't like what she sees after
she's cracked me open. My
portable toothbrush fiasco, she's in the
hospital again (after another suicide
attempt), the mouse that had to die, my
pigeon, porn and lots more.
Sitting
Between Them December 29, 2005

25.2 MB At the movies and I'm
sitting between two people kissing and
petting and on my right the guy looks like
the Unabomber and I'm pretty sure he's
playing with himself, a trip to the Super
Target store, grenades, 50 bullets to my
forehead, over confident women and lots
more.
Christmas Story December 21, 2005

18.6 MB My mother phones
me, I
was invited to a Christmas party and they were
telling Christmas stories and they were good
touching stories and all American and
then they asked me to tell one.
Kneading Her December 14, 2005

28 MB I met her at the Apple Genius
Bar and we drank and then we went to her house
in Tampa and she popped the lid on a can filled
with sex stuff (Can of Sutra) at which
point she proceeded to throw handfuls of
body dust at me. Years ago my woman
and I would go metal detecting together and
while we were detecting we'd make love
in and around all the abandoned buildings we'd
explore; plus rubber band gun fights
and more.
Tonight You Die December 7, 2005

16.3 MB Two-thirty in the morning
and I'm standing inside a Wal-Mart writing
Tonight You Die on Etch-A-Sketches and
I drop a pair of my underwear inside a Toys
For Tots donation box.
Fatty Patty December 1, 2005
20 MB I put a sex doll that had three
love holes inside an inflatable yard decoration
and because of that the cops came into my house
and found my XLR microphone cable hanging from
the closet shelf ( I do the Podcast in the closet)
and thought that maybe I was into autoerotic
asphyxiation. My mountain of pus grandmother
says I'm a bad seed and she only allows me to
use one sheet of toilet paper when visiting.
Shopping for Christmas trees inside Christmas
tree tents in Florida must be similar to being
inside the Hanoi Hilton, my mom walks like a
Nazi and lots more.
Nancy Saved My Life at Thanksgiving
November 21, 2005

20.6 MB My California friend
Wesley married a woman who once knocked him
unconscious with a Coke bottle (while he was
sleeping). Did my dad expire 'cause of
a malfunctioning electric blanket? My
flickering electric candle, Baldy my hairless
cat, the skeleton costume and how I once fell
asleep in a running car (in a closed garage)
and was saved from certain death by a pretty
red-haired girl named Nancy (but I still ended
up in a mental institution).
Moth Balls & Her Baby Genius November
11, 2005

19.5 MB I went to the movies and settled
into my seat with my Nestle Sno-Caps and my
iced Coca-Cola and real quick I was overcome
by the strong stench of moth balls and
I date a chick with a kid and she's buying him
a DVD called Baby Genius. How come
all Americans think their kid is above average
and brilliant and destined for greatness?
Surely some American kids are just fat, carb
consuming idiots who'll never amount to anything.
Probably your kid, even.
My Song & Doomsday October 26, 2005
18.9 MB A woman living in the United
Kingdom phoned me and said that I've been using
the word DONG incorrectly. She informed
me that the word DONG when handled properly
can be delivered in a sensual, gentle, pleasant
manner, unlike the way (according to her) that
I've been using it. I write a song and
sing it a-cappella, I also talk about the end
of the world, dead cats and a bunch of other
stuff. Dong Song lyrics,
HERE. Dong Song,
HERE.
Cheryl October 14, 2005

23.5 MB I met her late at night inside
a Subway sandwich shop inside a Wal-Mart Superstore
and we ended up donging one another on the hot
soft asphalt between two parked 50 foot trailers
left behind by a couple of big-rigs. She's
gone now and I'm thinking that she might have
been the ONE for me.
The Toilet October 5, 2005 
22.9 MB I used the restroom at the
movie theater and thought there might be a camera
hidden in the air vent above the toilet (aimed
at my dong) and somebody left a used diaper
(balled up and filled with shit) lying on the
wall mounted fold down baby changing table.
My Halloween (The Costume) September
21, 2005

16.3 MB I wore the same stinkin' skeleton
costume every Halloween for seven years in a
row and I think my mom once tried to kill me
(On Halloween night).
Ann Todd and The Tree House September
13, 2005

14.8 MB Ann Todd was mine 'til she turned
her head and spoke to me and I cut down George's
tree house.
The Woodpecker August 15, 2005

12.2 MB I stumble across a rare (if not
extinct) Ivory-billed Woodpecker while walking
through a swamp near my home.
Dug Up August 6, 2005

13.5 MB They had to dig up her great grandmother
and (rebury her) and they're not going to rip
me off when I'm dead and lying in the funeral
parlor.
The Incubator July 28, 2005

14.3 MB I sent away for a egg incubator
from a comic book and the woman living next
door to me tells me how hard they're trying
to have a baby.
The Dolphins July 19, 2005

10.9 MB A 400 pound dolphin charged
me while standing in the Gulf of Mexico and
nearly took off my testicles.
The Squirrel July 11, 2005 
12.7 MB Donna Lindsey, the fair outhouse,
the squirrel I took out and my dad the drinker.
Independence Day July 1, 2005

11 MB On the 4th of July my family and
I would hide and when I was a little kid my
mom referred to my penis as, "Your dinky".
Mrs. Howell June 23, 2005

10.9 MB I
had five years of piano lessons and can't remember
even one note and I used to remove the dead
cats from under our rented house in Detroit.
Duke is Dead
June 15, 2005

14.8 MB My mom threw Duke's frozen body
over the fence, the church bake sale, I helped
a chick change her tire and my unique invention
that will prevent me from getting raped when
I'm dead and lying on the slab at the funeral
parlor.
The Date
June 7, 2005

13.6 MB I date this girl in Tampa, my
favorite Taco Bell is now a porn place and Wes,
my friend from California, would like me to
mail him a few plates of stuffed Grape Leaves.
Baby's
Got The Blues Written By
Desiree Million, Copyright 2000 Rena Records-Huntsville,
AL
The Visit 2
June 03, 2005

11.4 MB My friend from California goes
home, thoughts of Yasmin my beautiful English
ex-girlfriend and the guy with the paper shredder.
The Visit
May 29, 2005

9.79 MB He's visiting from California
during Memorial Day weekend.
101 Positions
May 26, 2005

11.6 MB Mating positions, Marbles, 7-Eleven
Slurpees, my mom and Memorial Day.
Aunt Doris
May 21, 2005

12.3 MB My
Aunt Doris, hamburgers and do-yourself-pregnancy
testers.
My Hamster Died
May 19, 2005

2.41 MB My hamster died and I'm gonna
give it a burial-at-sea. Podcast from
Clearwater Beach, Florida.
Turtles and Dog
Parks May 16, 2005

8.32 MB
Turtles for sale and maybe you'll find romance
in a dog park.
Boots
May 14, 2005

9.1 MB Cassette recordings, moms and fancy
boots.
Mother's Day May 08, 2005

11.9 MB Mother's Day and the
birdhouse, my cat, getting porked when
I'm dead, the frozen drink machine and skeletons.

The Ceramic Shop
May, 06, 2005

8.33 MB
They were bonding at the ceramic shop and I
found some weed in a salt shaker at the Salvation
Army Store.
The Bowling Prize
May 03, 2005

8.9 MB
I won a prize
and put it in my ass.
Skype Me
April 28, 2005

5.9 MB I was gonna Skype people.
My Cat and The
Vampire April 26, 2005

8.28 MB I met a scary old woman
at a bar and she needed a ride home.
Gas Pumps April 22, 2005

5.7 MB Sexuality and gas pumps.
Treasure
Hunting April 17, 2005

9.3 MB I was gonna dig up all kinds
of things.
Click for 2004 Podcast Archive
How can I listen?
1) Add Norm's Podcast feed
to your favorite aggregator:
http://www.normaugustinus.com/podfeed.xml
2) You're done!
Norm
Augustinus
was born in Detroit, Michigan (USA), where he
later attended Ferris State University earning
a degree in Journalism and a Bachelor of Science
degree in Television/Theater. Because
of his growing following publications have referred
to him as a "underground cult icon". He has
appeared in dozens of television commercials
and stage plays and has written for numerous
publications. Write to:
naugustinus@gmail.com
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