Metal Detecting At The Beach    5/9/2008    28.9 MB  I look for buried treasure on a beach in Florida only this beach doesn't allow treasure hunters (no metal detectors allowed).  Find out how I thwart beach officials by using my custom built detector toboggan, a blowup doll and a zippered vinyl lunch bucket.  Recorded live on tape using an Edirol R-09. Hair Lip    5/2/2008    32.6 MB  Clearwater Beach, the movies, Brickhouse and the heel of her shoe, my invention and lots more! The Floating Band-Aid (I almost swallowed)  4/25/08  33.0 MB  They got me on videotape, the Band-Aid I almost swallowed, Cosmopolitan magazine, the shopping cart at Walgreens. My Wooden Clogs    4/18/2008    32.0 MB   Jim Wilson, the bicycle built for two, her Harley, I took the bus to pick up my package, the clogs and lots more! Roadside Assistance   4/11/2008   30.4 MB  Her car broke down and I was going to assist her and the story about a rogue wheelchair that slammed into my vintage Caddy (while I was at the Wal-Mart). Sound Waves and Their Megaphones   4/4/08   29.6 MB   Get with lots of chicks using my revolutionary breast megaphone sound wave method, the squirrel I helped and how best to use a hacksaw when cutting through bicycle frames. Crybaby    3/28/08     29.3 MB   She phoned from Georgia to tell me that I'm a crybaby. The Baker Act    3/22/08   28.6 MB   Held against my will in a behavioral science ward. Audio Stick Of Amplified Pleasure   3/14/08   28.2 MB   One out of four teenage American girls and my amplified audio pleasure stick idea with weatherproof speakers. My Ten Inch Toilet Seat   3/7/08  29.2 MB  Her Dormia Space Age foam mattress (continued), remove pesky pubic lice (crabs) from pubic mounds using an inexpensive lint roller, make paper mache toilet seats that collapse when someone sits on them, my lemon cake comment and the mall security guard, I fell off an exterior Wal-Mart wall ladder while carrying a pillowcase chocked full of custom made dildos and lots more! She Says I'm Vulgar and The 50 Gallon Drum  2/29  28.7 MB  I hurt myself by falling into a deep hole, a woman phones me and says I'm Vulgar and I get a free 50 gallon drum of Pliatex casting rubber.  Her Bed Is Broken    2/22/08   34.2 MB  The defective bed, the buy, my shoes, tooth fillings. Fisticuffs With An Angry Hag    2/15/08   30.9 MB  My parking lot ordeal with the angry middle-aged bag. The 7-Eleven Slurpee Incident   2/8/08   29 MB  More trouble from the ice fishing rental guy, her wine store (and my dildo idea), Gloria and the 7-Eleven Incident and lots more! Push Button For Manual Flush   2/1/08   30.4 MB  She said I needed ten friends, the toilet flush button, always use a lint roller before handling the genitals of your lover, masking tape, doorbell buttons, at the movies and lots more! The Houghton Lake Ice Fishing Shanty  1/25/08  28.2 MB  I rent an ice fishing shanty on Houghton Lake in Michigan and it eerily resembles a Vietnam hot box.  Help!  (Live in field recording using an Edirol R-09). Her Walk-In Bathtub   1/18/2008    33.9 MB  The phone call from the woman in Seattle, my long lost nudie Polaroid pictures, my new menopause pad invention, I hit myself in the jaw with a jar of spaghetti sauce and I get flushed out a walk-in bathtub and end up in a Tampa hospital. He Had A Club Foot   1/11/2008   29.0 MB  I drove them to the airport and something bad happened, the attorney and her rewrite demands (regarding my essay), my date stood up at the restaurant and informed me that I wasn't, "Normal,"  my $250 dumping fine and lots more! Her Punk Lit My Caddy On Fire   1/4/2008   29.8 MB   Her kid lit my car on fire, the Christmas beating, dad and the boat and lots more! Megan Was A Double-D  12/28/2007    30.1 MB  The airplane in the crotch incident, my mood ring observation, my sleep dicking incident, my hand job from the woman living behind Kmart and I played Twister with her kids and her daughter was a Double-D.  Hunting In Hamilton At Christmastime  12/21/07  28.9 MB    I'm invited to go on a hunting outing on a rural 500 acre piece of land in upstate New York (near Blue Mountain Lake).  I bring along my .357 handgun and my 12 gauge shotgun.  Be my guest on my special holiday hunt. Keep It Green (Your Christmas Tree)  12/14/07  32.2 MB   Free Nordstrom gift via helium balloon, paper-mache Christmas tree toppers, Smitten For Clinton, the methane explosion, let's make a snowman, my Christmas lovemaking story. Winter Wonderland   12/07/07   30.2 MB  The Omaha shooting, create fake (sand filled) paper-mache Christmas gifts (and throw them at people in Wal-Mart parking lots), vacant or occupied, Hanukkah gifts, my doorbell torch gig and much more! In The Cuff Of Her Pants   11/30/07   32.3 MB  I talk about my four days working at a Christmas tree lot in Buffalo, New York. Bonus Poem - Lake Toho  11/23/07  1.11 MB  I asked her to go on an airboat ride and she brought her kid with her. A Paper-Mache Turkey For You  11/16/07   30 MB  Learn how to make rock hard, miniature, paper-mache holiday turkeys that you can throw at people and hopefully knock them unconscious.   Red is Dead  11/09/2007  27.6 MB  I've got my rifle and I'm in a swamp in Florida and I'm gonna take out a woodpecker but the whole thing winds up a grizzly, horrific, unbelievable, bloody mess.  Remote field recording using an Edirol.  Black Power   11/02/07  29.3  Chanukah, the death of my dad, attire for pregnant women, their toy, the clogged chicken artery, her acrylic nail. Girls Wrap Your Legs In Aluminum Foil  10/26  32.3 MB   Helpful hints, artificial hips and knees, a sandwich made with heels, walking on sharp tissue and nearly dying, Halloween invention for chicks. My Halloween Blow Job Contraption  10/19/07   32.2 MB  This Halloween get lots of action with my invention, baby poop sifting update, Mathew 18:20, another complaint, masking tape on hotel carpets (what I recently found), and the one place you should be using lint rollers. Bob For My Apples   10/12/2007   29.3 MB   A game I invented that you and your old lady can participate in together during Halloween and it's like the log roll that lumberjacks compete in but it's for women only and it's a lot more difficult. Never Use Your Thumbs and The Art Of Shit Shaping 10/5/07    I destroy a wheelchair strapped to the back of a 1976 Chrysler Cordoba, breasts, germs, pink Energizer batteries and a whole lot more! White Widow   9/28/07   33.1 MB  I try to purchase a couple of White Widow marijuana seeds and the buy goes bad.  Real Bad. Welcome To Maceland   9/21/07  29.5 MB  The unexpected phone call, my dream about Maceland, sleepdicking, breast-feeding and lots more! My Roman Coin Was A Ku Klux Klan Token  9/14  28.7 MB  She asked me to come over to re-caulk her bathtub, my diaphragm flower pot and while sifting through baby shit in the mall (using my latest money making scheme) I found a coin and lots more! Baby Poop Prospecting    9/7/2007   27.8 MB   When you're walking down the halls and your balls hit the walls and how you can make big money by sifting through baby poop in public restrooms. Jeffrey Dahmer Ate My Daddy  August 31, 2007 31.4 MB  How to brick your neighbors router, I caved-in the Toyota Yaris, the best way to return your inkjet cartridges, my (at birth) age advancement idea, facial detection specialists at airports, the big baby bird landed on my hood and the story about the girl that told me her father was eaten by serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer. Ginger Heights   August 24, 2007   29.7 MB  You aren't ever getting a call on your iPhone, the guy from Vietnam, she asked me to videotape the birth of her child, 18 Wheeler, dead chicks with unfinished business, Ginger Heights and much more! I Drilled Her Dress Off   August 17, 2007    35.9 MB  Use masking tape in your hotel room to detect pubic hairs, me naked and standing on a Sit 'n Spin at your bridal shower, if you're pregnant please stop trying to be sexy, get action by putting on a fake garage sale (I'll tell you how), I get an unexpected call from a police detective who suspects that I'm drilling holes into car doors and much more! Some Cement For You   August 10, 2007   29.6 MB  Rare in the field recording offers step by step instructions on how you too can fill car doors of people you've never met (with cement) and the story about the cat that beheaded my bird friend. 18 Wheeler   August 3, 2007    30 MB   Cloning puppies from the DNA of Doo Drop, my rubber band vibrator idea, the contraceptive sponge, 18 Wheeler, filling car doors with concrete and lots more! Doo Drops Coffin   July 27, 2007      (CLICK TO SEE PHOTOGRAPH OF DOO DROPS COFFIN) 30.1 MB   I accidentally pushed my foot through the lid of Doo Drops homemade coffin, I was nearly arrested by a Florida game warden, chicks with broken bones, I found panties in a supermarket, the famous woman that Fed-Exed me the GPS unit and lots more! Our Vaginal Contraceptive Film (VCF) Doobies  26.6 MB  In my dream I'm making love in a dumpster, her VCF saved the day, my new living art invention, hymens in amber (fossilized tree resin), scary cracking noises in my private area and lots more!  The Volkswagen Incident  July 13, 2007  27.9 MB  The unexpected phone call, the Volkswagen, the Ivory Billed Woodpecker and lots more! Jean Brown   July 6, 2007    28 MB  Pregnant women, Jean Brown, Mister Roboto, my underwear cannon update, the Jet Ski incident and lots more! Bagpiper Boy   June 29, 2007   30.7 MB  The Black Widow spider and the Diamondback rattlesnake den, the Canon camera TV commercial, ghosts, my dream with the girl using the walker, my July 4th underwear cannon, my new United States postage stamp invention, the kid bagpiper and lots more!  More Pancakes   June 22, 2007   28.3 MB   I hate your family and especially your friends, older women looking for younger men (Cougars), Dolphins looking like vibrators, Crest Pro-Health toothpaste and your sexual needs, my Virginia Tech inspired invention and lots more! She Wore Her Bikini  June 15, 2007   29.2 MB   My coming of age speech, the bait box lid knocked her unconscious, the seahorse I killed with my own urine, my empty rubber love pods I left at the motel, my new invention, chicks with broken legs and lots more.   KFC Big Bowl or Big Hole?  June 8, 2007  29.1 MB   My friend the physical therapist, the KFC Big Bowl verses the Big Hole, the comedian Margaret Cho with a brush cut and no lipstick looks just like the Virginia Tech gunman (Cho), Yahoo Answers, the kid that nearly killed me and lots more. Women Only  June 1, 2007  28.7 MB  Magazine covers, 100 million people are doing it, Panera Bread, the fish filet incident, at the beach, Wal-Mart, Neosporin, Silverjet, Eclipse Fusion gum, the women only floor at the Marriott. Forever 21  May 25, 2007  31.0 MB  She sweeps up hair at Forever 21, Betty Crocker carrot cake mix, my dream, her dog food, Kmart Wall of Honor, the oak hash pipe incident. Universal Studios, Florida  May 18, 2007  32.9 MB  I spend the day at Universal Studios, Florida. Mothers Day and The Rabbit Foot  27.3 MB  The rabbit foot for my mom, my Steak n' Shake dream, the Easy Button, the hearing aid, mood panties, my litmus paper Hallmark card idea and lots more! Case Dismissed   May 4, 2007  27.3 MB  The judge dismisses her case, a hovercraft for her, my constipation invention, the Apple window display, the package I received and lots more! The Injured 29  April 27, 2007   28.3 MB  The 29 injured Virginia Tech survivors, chicks with broken bones, I don't care if it's your birthday, honeybees, my handicapped guy in the wheelchair scary movie idea and more! Virginia Tech   April 20, 2007  27.7 MB  Virginia Tech, my underwear in the hotel safe, Rolo candy, her missing fingernail polish. Podcamp NYC  April 13, 2007   27.6   The restraining order, my airport search, the big woman on the plane, Miriam, Podcamp NYC. Her Beaver Pelt   April 5, 2007  27.5 MB  My new FAA invention, her face peel, more Honda 70 troubles and lots more. Penny Loafers   March 30, 2007   28.2 MB  California Red Bud and someone ratted me out. Honda 70   March 24, 2007  29 MB   I bought the Honda 70 at a flea market and I was going to impress her with my skills. People Helping Birds  March 16, 2007   26.9 MB  The electrocution in the Caddy, the self igniting fragrance releasing semen sock, the dog park, supermarket skin, hot wax, a new national registry, the bowling alley and more. The Fair  March 9, 2007   25.8  The supermarket, the pelican, the fair, world anthem, my corn cob invention, new semen sock model, chicks with broken legs and lots more! This is Bluegill  March 2, 2007  27.5 MB   Sometimes I hear my stepfather, toilet bowls, the coffin/casket idea, Quiznos, my sock invention, Wal-Mart Easter baskets, the fat pelican and more! Tommy You're Scaring Lindsay  February 23, 2007  26.8 MB   White teeth, the shopping cart incident, the atomic clock vibrator idea, the syringe I stepped on, her worn toilet plunger handle and lots more! The Parking Spot  February 16, 2007   29.1 MB   The parking lot fight (with a woman), good schools, ice-skating, girls with broken legs, aspirins, my fake box of chocolate invention, bowling, his answering machine and more! Dog Watson  February 9, 2007   28.1 MB  Vending machines for transients, combination book light/vaginal cameras, your cell phone ain't never gonna ring, gumball machines with my prize inside and poor Watson didn't have a chance. One Dollar & Seventy Five Cents   February 2, 2007  26.5 MB  She needed the air raid siren, she used her Roomba robotic floor vacuum to suck up condoms, free cocaine at the bank, educational vibrators, blue ice, my dinky, how you too can perform delicate sexual moves like a seasoned safecracker, she was violated by someone she trusted and lots more.     Morse Code Lovin'  January 26, 2007   27.3 MB  Grandma, Sleep Number 69, Morse Code, red pubes, the locked toilet tank at McDonald's and lots more. Her Bubble Machine  January 19, 2007  25.9 MB    Toilet training, India, the splits, Sadie's Portraits, the sign at the playground, the kite at Clearwater Beach, her bubble machine and lots more! He's in The Drawer   January 12, 2007    26.9 MB  Airport toilets, the arts and crafts store and the squirrel buried in the drawer (He had to go). She Wears Insolence   January 5, 2007    28 MB   Stanley Steemer, my door-to-door sales job, programmable panties and lots more! My Polaroid Pictures  Dec. 29, 2006   28.5 MB   A girl I dated while attending college is dead, at the mall and her pants disintegrated, my photographs in the water pipes, vibrating chairs at the mall and lots more! Her Odd Christmas Tree  December 22, 2006  32 MB  Fossils, American Express, iPod Mattress Kit, Heelys, condoms in bookstores, her unusual Xmas tree and more! Cottonelle  December 15, 2006  30.7 MB  Christmastime, Shim-Shin-Do, The Starbucks orgy, the heat lamp, the metric system and lots more! Wrap My Meat (For the holidays)  December 8, 2006   28.2 MB  The parabolic dish, she was wrapping gifts at the shopping mall, her cat doesn't like me, dust and lots more! It Burns   December 1, 2006   28.9 MB  I've planted hypnotic suggestions into your sleeping kids ear, I don't like your friends or family (especially your sister) they questioned us about our trunk action and lots more! Trunk Lovin'  November 24, 2006  31.2 MB  My new invention, love in my Cadillac trunk and lots more. Bank Love   November 17, 2006     30.6 MB  My custom made just for you shoe store idea, Yankee Candle, Feliz Navidad, love at a bank and lots more. Help Me  November 10, 2006    33.2 MB  A psychiatrist calls me, shoes at Nordstrom, miniature golf and the bird lady, the septic tank crying out for help and lots more. My Jell-O Jack O' Lantern & Electro Boy  Nov. 03, 2006  29 MB  Tide-To-Go, the cassette recordings I made as a kid, my Jell-O Jack O' Lantern and Electro Boy. The Singles Halloween Hayride  October 27, 2006  28.40 MB The Halloween hayride (for singles) and the pumpkin you can carve that'll get you chicks (guaranteed).  Halloween Stains   October 20, 2006   28.2 MB   The basement I lived in, gifts for me, the stains I saw on Halloween night (that make sense to me now), my Halloween party and lots more! Into the Furnace on Halloween Night  October 13  It was the last thing I saw before I fell into the furnace and it haunts me. Corn Dodger  October 06, 2006   29 MB  Corn dodgers and cans of beans and the squirrel I screwed up.   My Video iPod Eulogy Idea  September 29   31 MB  Using my revolutionary system/method you'll know more about that dead person than you ever did when they were alive. Her Find   September 22, 2006    26 MB  She found a diamond ring. McDonald's  September 16, 2006  29 MB  My latest invention. Down There  September 8, 2006   26.2 MB  Everyone in America is actually humping one another in a small wooded area. Skull Creek  September 1, 2006  25.8 MB  Sarasota, termites, my transparent plaster mousetrap and lots more! Gifts For Me  August 27, 2006  30.8 MB  Gifts for me, my invention, the movies and more! The Pancake Dinner  August 18, 2006   30.0 MB  I worked at a pancake benefit and a retard there nearly got me killed.   Die Mower Die!  August 11, 2006     30.5 MB  My lawnmower had to go and the supermarket incident. The Park  August 4, 2006  28.3 MB  Metal detecting at the historic park, the bowling alley and lots more! Her Rock Tumbler  July 28, 2006  29.9  MB  Park Rangers, good neighborhoods, chain-of-humping, depression, her rock tumblers and lots more! His Scab Smoked Up My Car  July 21, 2006   28.6 MB My diary, the plastic Easter eggs and the Mexican jumping beans (and the bird nest), the scab from her kid stunk and smoked up my car, I played five hundred with my neighbor, his mom, the whistle and lot's more! My Arrest  July 15, 2006  28.6 MB  At the movies, my arrest, fiber optic fishing, the propane mousetrap and lots more! Pink Detonator  July 7, 2006  26.8  MB  I went camping with the daughter of a dead trucker, the portable solar shower, Mac the poodle and lots more! The 4th of July with Grandmother in Miami   June 30, 2006  27.2 MB  The roller skating rink, salt crystal lamps, the 4th of July with grandmother and lots more! The Beekeeper Girl  June 23, 2006 27.4 MB  Your zipper, in the department store restroom, the bird nest invention, the beekeeper and lots more! The Motorized Bed  June 16, 2006  26.6 MB  The wind-up flashlight, the stench of her stitches, the toboggan, the motorized bed and lots more! Ride The Movies   June 9, 2006  25.8 MB  The wine drinking lovers at the movies, her dentures, Universal Studios and lots more!  The Kentucky Fried Chicken Big Bowl $4.99  June 2, 2006  28 MB  Pubic pillows, on the pew with the red head, the laundry basket alongside the highway, KFC, her daughters name is Reese, the restroom inspection form, hurricane preparation and lots more! Her Relaxation Sound Machine  May 26, 2006  27.2 MB  Models and the subtext of their pose, the sound machine near her bed, sex in a gopher turtle den, the kids toilet in the family restroom (lined with squares of toilet paper) and lots more. Jelly Jars  May 19, 2006   28.2 MB  The young pinko, the bowling prize, get chicks using the hamster on the exercise wheel scam, metal detecting and the sexual story behind the book I donated to the Jerome K. Jerome museum. The Cheeseburger  May 12, 2006  27 MB  Mothers day, the cheeseburger fell through the rusted out hole in her floorboards, the maple syrup that wasn't and lots more. The Blair Witch Bitch  May 5, 2006   27.7 MB  The Blair Witch chick, the party bus, a leather mallet between her f-ckin' eyes and lots more. Carol's House  April 28, 2006   27.9 MB   If Ross hadn't come in I might be retarded right now or dead even. I Killed a Family With A High-Powered Snowmobile  April 21, 2006  42.6 MB She called to say I spelled 'thong' wrong, the after-hours Easter party and how the guests (at the party) told stories and laughed and drank 'til it was my turn to tell my story, the walnut engraved box filled with her dead moms hair and lots more. A Day At The Beach  April 14  40.3 MB  I was gonna find coins from long lost Spanish Galleons (and jewelry) or maybe just a shark tooth but instead I found some other things, Easter at my grandmothers and the never before told story of my sister Sandy who just can't get enough. Her Acrylic Nails and the Pubic Hairs   April 7  44.4 MB  There were pubic hairs stuck in the clear coat atop her acrylic nails, Benny the parakeet was killed when the old man shit his pants (again), my metal-detecting anti-rape motion sensor and lots more. Motorhips  March 31   44.4 MB  Her punky kid ripped my car apart, juggernaut hips, Nora and I ball on the handicap ramp and lots more. Vivian  March 24  44.2 MB  Jerry gets certified, chicks with broken bones, Vivian, Benny the parakeet, her father crapped his pants and more. The Rat  March 17    43.6 MB  I trapped a raccoon and he was gonna love me and we were gonna be friends and I was gonna teach him tricks and I was gonna awe and amaze my friends and then the raccoon that was really a rat bit the end of my finger off so he had to f-ckin' die. I illegally Dumped a Dishwasher One Piece At A Time  March 10 49.4 MB    I was gonna score big so long as I transported her new dishwasher to her house and then removed the old one and then installed the new one and then took the old one the f-ck away. Love Dice  March 3  42.8 MB  Mister Clean, hymenoplasty, the foam bed, found panties and the slip and fall. Flashlights One Dollar  February 23  44.2 MB  Hope plus doubt equals desire, the pitching machine, the coffee girl. The Twilight Years Trailer Park   February 15, 2006  40.4 MB  His China lady, inside the trailer, trouble at the theater and lots more. Key Lime Pie Factory and Restaurant  February 8, 2006  39.5 MB  She worked at the pie factory and she told me to call her Pie Bitch, Valentine's Day, the lady with the space-age foam mattress, great men like Gandhi or Abraham Lincoln didn't swear and lots more. Plaster of Paris and I Found IUD's  February 3, 2006  41.4 MB  She's not gonna sue me now thanks to plaster of paris, I found copper coins that were really IUD's, the slot car track, the Morning-after pill, your orgasm face frozen forever for future generations and the bird that probably committed suicide. Elexa Freshening Wipes by Trojan  January 26, 2006  45.9 MB  Elexa Freshening Wipes by Trojan, 100 million people doing it in America every day, the dangling modifier and personal pronoun, swearing, the chick that left a permanent impression of her body onto her Dormia foam mattress is suing me, vibrating rings, citizen band radios and lots more.   Miss America  January 18, 2006  45.8 MB  The Miss America Pageant, the memory foam bed, the panties I found at the mall, the programmable light-emitting diode (LED) belt buckle and lots more. The Diaper Left Behind  January 11, 2006  46 MB  I'm in the family restroom at the department store and waiting just for me is an abandoned diaper filled with fresh shit.  He died and she says he lit up the room when he'd enter it, Little Boy, Cosmo Magazine, cell phones the post office and lots more. I Wasn't Right For Her  January 5, 2006  27.3 MB  I'm at the restaurant and she says she doesn't like what she sees after she's cracked me open.  My portable toothbrush fiasco, she's in the hospital again (after another suicide attempt), the mouse that had to die, my pigeon, porn and lots more.    Sitting Between Them  December 29, 2005  25.2 MB  At the movies and I'm sitting between two people kissing and petting and on my right the guy looks like the Unabomber and I'm pretty sure he's playing with himself, a trip to the Super Target store, grenades, 50 bullets to my forehead, over confident women and lots more. Christmas Story  December 21, 2005  18.6 MB  My mother phones me and complains about the piece I sent to Madge Weinstein of Yeast Radio and  I was invited to a Christmas party and they were telling Christmas stories and they were good touching stories and all American and then they asked me to tell one. Kneading Her  December 14, 2005   28 MB  I met her at the Apple Genius Bar and we drank and then we went to her house in Tampa and she popped the lid on a can filled with sex stuff (Can of Sutra) at which point she proceeded to throw handfuls of body dust at me.  Years ago my woman and I would go metal detecting together and while we were detecting we'd make love in and around all the abandoned buildings we'd explore; plus rubber band gun fights and more. Tonight You Die  December 7, 2005    16.3 MB  Two-thirty in the morning and I'm standing inside a Wal-Mart writing Tonight You Die on Etch-A-Sketches and I drop a pair of my underwear inside a Toys For Tots donation box.   Fatty Patty   December 1, 2005    20 MB  I put a sex doll that had three love holes inside an inflatable yard decoration and because of that the cops came into my house and found my XLR microphone cable hanging from the closet shelf ( I do the Podcast in the closet) and thought that maybe I was into autoerotic asphyxiation.  My mountain of pus grandmother says I'm a bad seed and she only allows me to use one sheet of toilet paper when visiting.  Shopping for Christmas trees inside Christmas tree tents in Florida must be similar to being inside the Hanoi Hilton, my mom walks like a Nazi and lots more.    Nancy Saved My Life at Thanksgiving  November 21, 2005  20.6 MB  My California friend Wesley married a woman who once knocked him unconscious with a Coke bottle (while he was sleeping).  Did my dad expire 'cause of a malfunctioning electric blanket?  My flickering electric candle, Baldy my hairless cat, the skeleton costume and how I once fell asleep in a running car (in a closed garage) and was saved from certain death by a pretty red-haired girl named Nancy (but I still ended up in a mental institution).      Moth Balls & Her Baby Genius  November 11, 2005  19.5 MB  I went to the movies and settled into my seat with my Nestle Sno-Caps and my iced Coca-Cola and real quick I was overcome by the strong stench of moth balls and I date a chick with a kid and she's buying him a DVD called Baby Genius.  How come all Americans think their kid is above average and brilliant and destined for greatness?  Surely some American kids are just fat, carb consuming idiots who'll never amount to anything.  Probably your kid, even.       My Song & Doomsday  October 26, 2005    18.9 MB  A woman living in the United Kingdom phoned me and said that I've been using the word DONG incorrectly.  She informed me that the word DONG when handled properly can be delivered in a sensual, gentle, pleasant manner, unlike the way (according to her) that I've been using it.  I write a song and sing it a-cappella, I also talk about the end of the world, dead cats and a bunch of other stuff.   Dong Song lyrics, HERE.  Dong Song, HERE. Cheryl  October 14, 2005  23.5 MB  I met her late at night inside a Subway sandwich shop inside a Wal-Mart Superstore and we ended up donging one another on the hot soft asphalt between two parked 50 foot trailers left behind by a couple of big-rigs.  She's gone now and I'm thinking that she might have been the ONE for me. The Toilet  October 5, 2005   22.9 MB  I  used the restroom at the movie theater and thought there might be a camera hidden in the air vent above the toilet (aimed at my dong) and somebody left a used diaper (balled up and filled with shit) lying on the wall mounted fold down baby changing table. My Halloween (The Costume)  September 21, 2005  16.3 MB  I wore the same stinkin' skeleton costume every Halloween for seven years in a row and I think my mom once tried to kill me (On Halloween night). Ann Todd and The Tree House  September 13, 2005  14.8 MB  Ann Todd was mine 'til she turned her head and spoke to me and I cut down George's tree house. The Woodpecker  August 15, 2005  12.2 MB  I stumble across a rare (if not extinct) Ivory-billed Woodpecker while walking through a swamp near my home. Dug Up  August 6, 2005  13.5 MB  They had to dig up her great grandmother and (rebury her) and they're not going to rip me off when I'm dead and lying in the funeral parlor. The Incubator  July 28, 2005  14.3 MB  I sent away for a egg incubator from a comic book and the woman living next door to me tells me how hard they're trying to have a baby. The Dolphins  July 19, 2005  10.9 MB   A 400 pound dolphin charged me while standing in the Gulf of Mexico and nearly took off my testicles. The Squirrel  July 11, 2005   12.7 MB  Donna Lindsey, the fair outhouse, the squirrel I took out and my dad the drinker. Independence Day  July 1, 2005  11 MB  On the 4th of July my family and I would hide and when I was a little kid my mom referred to my penis as, "Your dinky". Mrs. Howell  June 23, 2005  10.9 MB  I had five years of piano lessons and can't remember even one note and I used to remove the dead cats from under our rented house in Detroit. Duke is Dead  June 15, 2005  14.8 MB  My mom threw Duke's frozen body over the fence, the church bake sale, I helped a chick change her tire and my unique invention that will prevent me from getting raped when I'm dead and lying on the slab at the funeral parlor. The Date  June 7, 2005  13.6 MB  I date this girl in Tampa, my favorite Taco Bell is now a porn place and Wes, my friend from California, would like me to mail him a few plates of stuffed Grape Leaves. Baby's  Got The Blues Written By Desiree Million, Copyright 2000 Rena Records-Huntsville, AL The Visit 2  June 03, 2005  11.4 MB  My friend from California goes home, thoughts of Yasmin my beautiful English ex-girlfriend and the guy with the paper shredder. The Visit  May 29, 2005  9.79 MB  He's visiting from California during Memorial Day weekend. 101 Positions  May 26, 2005  11.6 MB  Mating positions, Marbles, 7-Eleven Slurpees, my mom and Memorial Day. Aunt Doris  May 21, 2005  12.3 MB  My Aunt Doris, hamburgers and do-yourself-pregnancy testers. My Hamster Died  May 19, 2005  2.41 MB  My hamster died and I'm gonna give it a burial-at-sea.  Podcast from Clearwater Beach, Florida. Turtles and Dog Parks  May 16, 2005  8.32 MB  Turtles for sale and maybe you'll find romance in a dog park. Boots  May 14, 2005  9.1 MB  Cassette recordings, moms and fancy boots. Mother's Day  May 08, 2005  11.9 MB  Mother's Day and the birdhouse, my cat, getting porked when I'm dead, the frozen drink machine and skeletons. The Ceramic Shop  May, 06, 2005  8.33 MB  They were bonding at the ceramic shop and I found some weed in a salt shaker at the Salvation Army Store. The Bowling Prize  May 03, 2005  8.9 MB  I won a prize and put it in my ass. Skype Me  April 28, 2005  5.9 MB  I was gonna Skype people. My Cat and The Vampire  April 26, 2005  8.28 MB  I met a scary old woman at a bar and she needed a ride home. Gas Pumps  April 22, 2005  5.7 MB  Sexuality and gas pumps. Treasure Hunting  April 17, 2005  9.3 MB  I was gonna dig up all kinds of things. Click for 2004 Podcast Archive How can I listen? 1) Click here to download the free cross-platform podcast receiver, Juice.  Click here to install iTunes. 2) Install on your system. 3) Add Norm's Podcast feed:  http://www.normaugustinus.com/podfeed.xml 4) Your Podcast aggregator will automatically download Norm's feed! Norm Augustinus was born in Detroit, Michigan (USA), where he later attended Ferris State University earning a degree in Journalism and a Bachelor of Science degree in Television/Theater.  Because of his growing following publications have referred to him as a "underground cult icon". He has appeared in dozens of television commercials and stage plays and has written for numerous publications.  Write to:  normaugustinus@gmail.com