NEW!  BROTHER ISLAND!   2/3/2012   63.3 MB  Norm rambles on while using a wood chipper! Como Estas?   1/27/2012   57.8 MB  My book, Spanish lessons, my front loader hips, hotdogs and much more! Save The Chickens!  1/20/2012    64.2 MB  An emergency at the Maldorf farm! Lincoln Lady!   1/13/2012   63.9 MB  The fence post holes, the penny and Mrs. Maldorf's sandwiches! The Chicken Coop!   1/7/2012    61.4 MB  The cat, the chicken coop and mountains of poop! Pretzel King!   12/23/2011    67.2 MB  To the mall and then to the bowling alley all paid for by Mister Maldorf! A Bale Of Tinsel!    12/16/2011    64.6 MB   Free Christmas trees, Cedar Falls and much more! Silo Rats!   12/9/2011    68.8 MB The woman I humped at the Dike, Iowa ultralight fly-in has died, the silo rats and much more! Tub Talk!  12/2/2011   58.1 MB  In the tub on the second floor at the Maldorf farm in Dike, Iowa! Corn Bed!  11/20/2011    69.4 MB  The Dike Iowa ultralight holiday fly in, chicken buttholes, the corn stalk bed and lots more! Miss Clairol!  11/14/2011   62.8 MB  Turkey hunting and the girl I met at the Corn Rose Saloon! Poachers!  11/6/2011      62.5 MB  Poachers on the Maldorf farm, tree stands, chemical toilets, underground tunnels and lots more! The Rag Man!  10/30/2011   63.3 MB  Her 800 pound pumpkin, barbells, Corn Rose and lots more! The Maldorf's!  10/23/2011   58.7 MB  Palma's Deli and Market, the phone call, H.G. Maldorf, the Autumn Harvest Dance and much more! Dike Iowa!  10/14/2011   61.9 MB  The wheel incident, Dike Iowa, the Challenger 670 Combine and much more! Count Chocula!  10/9/2011   58.1 MB   The treehouse, Pilot Travel Centers and more! Native Drums!  9/30/2011   57.1 MB  The blonde clerk at the desk, the whorehouse in Georgia and lots more! Pump Honey!    9/22/2011   44 MB  My Caddy needs gallons of freakin' pump honey, learned lessons and much more! Tom's Ion Ball!  9/12/2011   61.3 MB  I poop my pants on the FSU campus and much more! Uh-Oh!  9/5/2011   55.8 MB  I sold my house to go to a job that isn't there, the KOA, Zipper Pocket and much more! Please Drink!  8/26/2011   79.8 MB  My helium balloons, the fire ants, rags in my yard, I found a big bag of panties, the Salvation Army shoes and lots more! Playtex Prize!    8/19/2011   72.5 MB  My running sexual stump incident, the smoke that came from my metal detector, my Playtex brassiere scam, the hidden agendas of TV commercials and much more! 35 Mile Range!   8/12/2011    61.7 MB  The Motorola walkie-talkie, I unearthed some dead chicks eyelash curler, my groovy song and lots more! Merle's Luge!    8/05/2011    67 MB  She asked to mow my lawn and the real story behind Elmer's Glue! Taffy Days   7/29/2011    67.8 MB  I work as an eager volunteer at Taffy Days!  Germ-X!   7/22/2011     67.1 MB  Walmart at two in the morning and the buyer wanted a firm mattress for his trial overnight sleepover at my house and lots more! For Sale!     7/15/2011    66.8 MB  The oddballs that come to view my house, the Realtors, the cleaning that never ends, the granite countertops, the top of the line Badger insinkerator and lots more! Bert's Bologna House!   7/8/2011   68.0 MB  The panties that dropped in my lap, the K-Tire, Benjamin the cat and the car fire behind Bert's World Famous Bologna House and much more! Sod Busters!    7/01/2011   68.0 MB  I buy an old map and head over to the Apalachicola National Forest to find buried treasure but I walk into Jo-Wills General Store on Highway 23 instead! Oh Andy   6/24/2011    57.7 MB  My vintage Cadillac and the automobile storage lot in Tampa and Jerome said that's what Tucks medicated wipes are used for! Blackies Niece!   6/17/2011   62.2 MB  Hear the mind blowing actual speech I gave at the 140 Characters Conference in New York City and much, much more! You gotta hear it! Open House!   6/10/2011   41.1 MB  I pump my Realtor and a potential buyer of my home at the same time while their brassieres swing from a ceiling fan. Learn from me. Recorded in a supermarket parking lot! On The Road II!    6/3/2011   47 MB  I pump my Realtor another seven more times. Learn from me. Recorded in the parking lot at 7-Eleven! On The Road!    5/27/2011    42.1 MB  I pump my Realtor seven more times. Learn from me. Recorded on the drive back from New York City. Wrinkle Free!   5/20/2011   30.0 MB  At the Walmart in the fitting room at two in the morning, my Realtor, for a modest fee I can redo the bathroom in your house and turn your toilet into an authentic Porta-John and lots more! Carpet Man!   5/13/2011   27.2 MB  She owns a three story house on Gasparilla Island and she asked me to help her tear out the old carpet and pad. Warp Nine Spock!    5/6/2011    32.1 MB  The bed guys, the history of the microphone, wall insulation, Spock, La-Z-Boy chairs and lots more! 25 Cents Per Dong!   4/29/2011   34.4 MB  Chicks with broken bones, Norm's sex toy recycling depot, I'm a volunteer worker at the North American Bird House Association and lots more! Urine 1940!    4/22/2011   33.9 MB  Fannie Mae chocolates, Grow Monsters, Roller Bowl and the Mason jar, the hitchhiker and her Rachel Ray skillet, 700 one dollar bills in a cardboard box (and I sniff them all for traces of cocaine) and lots more! Fried Eggs!   4/15/2011   33.0 MB  My transparent tree stump idea, the vent in the ceiling above the toilet, my sexy syringe glitter system, 125 poop logs in a passenger plane at 30,000 feet (going 350 miles an hour), make sculptures from TSA pat-downs and much more! Frostproof!    4/8/2011    32.6 MB   Women of color, when an animal dies, metal detecting in Frostproof Florida, a poem, my horizontal Estes rocket launch fiasco and much more! Crap Mountain!   4/1/2011    29.4 MB  The dollar store gifts to myself, the movies and her panties, the department store restroom and much more! Lil Lightning!    3/25/2011    35.6 MB  The family restroom and her handicapped kid, Lick and Crunch, Chicks with Broken Bones, the antenna went in my eye, Clearwater Beach and the rogue wooden leg, stagecoach era women and what it must have been like and lots more! U-Boat 69!    3/18/2011    32.8 MB  My shopping mall social experiments, my vending machine that makes amazing glass vibrators from ordinary beach sand, my Swimline remote control toy submarine, the Digi Corporation cock ring that I couldn't get batteries for, urine absorbing beads and much more! VLF Pussy Gun!   3/11/2011   32.2 MB  The Bald Eagle egg felt real good, the subterranean pleasure machines at Clearwater Beach, she'll think she's making love to a Vampire, my Digi Corporation pleasure ring, my underwater VLF pussy come gun and much more! Becky's Snorkel!    3/4/2011   35.3 MB  The snorkel incident, Zia Ashby, the frantic call I got from a neighbor telling me her husband was dead, my grandmothers friend went through the windshield of a 1968 Chrysler Imperial LeBaron and much more! Vaginal Burstings!   2/25/2011    33.8 MB  Sand, food coloring and a hairnet, Zia Ashby and my vinyl raft atop Sun Moon Lake, chicks with broken bones, fun facts, vaginal burstings recorded for only a thousand dollars, walnut shells and the return of the dojo blindfold match! Dojo No! No!   2/18/2011   35.7 MB  The Victorian Era wooden bowling ball, I bought 125 human teeth off Craigslist, the sex toy I thought was a bald voyeur, No maxi pads allowed in the dojo, a match between two blindfolded women and much more! Pillow Profits!    2/11/2011    35.2 MB  Make big money manufacturing all natural door stops, Scotch tape and hair, the Burlington Coat Factory girl and her Afro razor blade dancers, paper mache oil pan drain plugs, mall hurricane machines and much more! Ghost Surfer!    2/4/2011    34.4 MB  Redbox, she tore the sleeves off the coat I bought her, Walmart and the oil pan drain plug I lost, the old surfboard and my romantic beach interlude, the hurricane machine at the mall and much more! Come Ball!    1/28/2011   35.1 MB  My Etch A Sketch contraption, the SX-70 incident, my helium balloon semen transport went up in flames, the high gloss twelve pound jet black bowling ball she didn't want, the girl in the tiny trailer and much more! In Flight Slippers!   1/21/2011   32.4 MB  The girl at the beach, my radio controlled Mac-10 movie/novel idea, my super improved Dixie cup Apple app contraption, the layaway department at Kmart, the dropped ball at the bowling alley, atop the tree stump and much more! R-51 Hoedown!  1/14/2011    28.6 MB  I rented ice fishing shanty R-72 and I was told to check out the hoedown happening in shanty R-51! Recorded live on tape atop frozen Round Lake in Big Rapids, Michigan. Silk Toss Pillows!    1/7/2011   36.2 MB  Get chicks using my full size flip book style Christmas trees, the needs of the chick verses the needs of a dude, my much improved Catholic school playground slide, McDonald's PlayPlace and nitrous oxide, digital storage keychain photo album and the oatmeal container, the chick I met in the Walmart parking lot at three in the morning and much more! Caroling!  Caroling!   12/24/2010    29.7 MB  The registered nurse I wanted to pork lives in Buffalo, New York. I told her I'd go Christmas Caroling with her in Buffalo because I thought she'd think I was a swell guy and because she'd think I was a swell guy I figured she'd invite me to put into use my advanced cunnilingus techniques with (regards to her genitals) later on at her house in front of her fireplace! Lay Away!  12/17/2010    33.9 MB  The bait shop ice incident, my latex sniffer gadget, chicks with broken bones, my Walmart layaway department findings, proven methods that will get you truckloads of chicks at Christmastime, recordable Hallmark greeting cards and much more! Rat Ornaments!   12/10/2010   30.8 MB  The stump that collapsed, proven chick getting ideas at Christmastime, the recordable Hallmark Christmas cards at Walmart, the helium balloons, the Dixie cups and my holiday load, my highly trained angry Christmas tree ornaments and much more! Santa's Package!   12/03/10   31.4 MB  Get chicks with Norm's fun Christmastime ideas, my grandmother, Hitler, Goebbels, Mister Trulik and the ruined carpet, spray curare on the needles of your Christmas tree and get truckloads of chicks, my strobe light idea and lots more!  Poleski's On 17th!   11/19/2010   30.1 MB  The 35 foot trail of poop, Theodore Rhinal's Vinyl, the Triple W horseback riding ranch and her plaster neck cast, free turkey at McDonald's, Thanksgiving ideas that'll get you truckloads of chicks and much more! Her Plugged Tub!   11/12/2010    28.3 MB  My air bag deployment idea, her plugged drain, another digital keychain photo album shoot, the big helium float that explodes out from the Thanksgiving day turkey, get holiday action with my unique ideas and much more! Snagged Shag!   11/5/2010   32 MB  The abandoned bowling alley incident that nearly finished me, get chicks guaranteed with my rigged turkey ideas, my postage stamp size kite that women can't resist, the lady in the spooky 1975 Dodge van and much more! Hollow Weener!   10/29/2010    32 MB  Concrete kick proof pumpkins, bobbing for apples, where to dump your Halloween party guests when they're unconscious, my last week working as a volunteer ghost at a haunted house and much more! Bruise Maker!   10/22/2010   28.6 MB  The bruise making machine, the first thing I ask a chick, my amazing slide glue, soiled panties on airplanes, my ATM idea, another photo for my digital keychain and I'm a volunteer at a popular haunted house near my home! THC Bomb!   10/15/2010    30.1 MB  The outhouse, the Tampa dope buy, digital photo albums, my reworked ATM idea, what I unearthed while metal detecting, the hitchhiker I picked up and lots more! Gash Dilemma!    10/8/2010    30.3 MB  The bear trap, the eagle nest, the smoking chick stuffed in the chimney, my cassette baby and manure filled diapers, all chicks eventually undergo The Gash Dilemma, automated teller machines equal pleasure, rigged pogo sticks and much more! Come Hard!    10/1/2010    34.3 MB  My dinky in a bottle, get free merchandise from Walmart, give me 12 periods a year or die, pogo sticks and bed springs, my Barnes and Noble book author scam that will get you chicks, the Fishing Machine and lots more! Pom Pom!   9/24/2010    33.6 MB  Four periods a year instead of twelve, my digital storage keychain photos, the reality of pom-poms, helium balloons and Dixie cups, get chicks using my guaranteed movie idea and how to embed naked images of yourself into the ice of your local ice skating rink! Big Bud!    9/17/2010    34.5 MB  My fingernails have fallen off, the Totino's rubber diaphragm pizza, my toilet bowl scanner shit reconstruction idea, the pumpkin injection ploy (and its guaranteed big payoff), the old canvas tent, the cigar box was filled with Big Bud, my night hump and Haulover Park in Miami Beach. Dink Island!    9/10/2010    32.5 MB  The ring I lost and the ring I gained, my rotting middle finger (and the nail came off, too), my toilet invention, the starfish and her hair while we were under the pier, my acre of specially altered pumpkins, my dildos made out of ocean salt and my shopping cart system that will get you all the chicks you could ever hope for! Steeple Sausage    9/3/2010    31.9 MB  McDonald's PlayPlace, the surprise underwater steeple maneuver, rock paper scissors, the nineteen dollar wheelchair trick, the dolphin and the colostomy bag, fake flip flops, imitation panties, my portable solar powered beach outhouse and much more! For Your Safety!   8/27/2010    29.7 MB  You're at the bar with your lover dancing and drinking and laughing. Learn what's really going on while you sit at your table next to the dance floor with your most special hump. Ten things you must absolutely know. Learn 'em. Pass 'em on. Oven Lovin'   8/20/2010    32.9 MB  Metal detecting at the abandoned farmhouse. Me and my hump check out the oven, the washing machine, the water well, the barn and even the doghouse. Additionally, learn how to make a bowling ball using twelve pounds of Spanish Fly! Easy Rider   8/13/2010       31.0 MB  Clam digging with Mia, my polymer third leg idea for chicks, ghosts, McDonald's, sure fire money making schemes, the letter to Isabella and lots more! Pink Hammer!    8/06/2010    32.2 MB  His turbo button, her bad dad, kiss me down there, digging for worms near the stream alongside the tree stump, try breaking the board against the grain, she was ten years younger 'til I found out otherwise and I work as a volunteer for the National Kidney Foundation! I Smell Gash!   7/30/2010    32.5 MB  I'm booked to perform comedy at the Family Fun Night in Winfield, Kansas. A local Winfield resident named Edwin Pettipondle gives me a hard time and how I made five friends in only four hours and it only cost me twenty five dollars! Walkie Talkie Humpie!    7/23/2010   30.9 MB  My hotel/motel super heavy lead smoke detector idea, the Traverse City Cherry Festival and the bottle of cherry wine, the martial arts dojo, supermarket shopping carts, her Dormia Memory Foam Space Age Mattress, the sudden bizarre death of her painted turtle and much more! Save The Hot Dogs!    7/16/2010    30.9 MB  I make an emergency trip to the house of my grandmother and on the way to Miami I'm thrown one situation after another. Additionally, since loving a gal on the kitchen floor of an abandoned farmhouse I've been performing private, extremely odd solo experiments on myself. Fuse Box Fun!    7/9/2010    32.4 MB  How I unloaded a hundred Independence Day black snakes, my metal canister idea, my underwear cannon exploded, my bag of cunt lint for only $2.99, my tree stump money making scheme, metal detecting at the old farmhouse and lots more! Emma's Panties!    7/2/2010    32.4 MB  The Tuesday night incident after my Hebrew Scripture study group, smoke bombs, my Independence Day underwear cannon, Corky, Macular Degeneration, the vegetable, the eight hour line for the iPhone 4 and much more!  House of Sex!     6/25/2010    28.4 MB  This show was recorded live on tape while in the House of Sex in Charlotte county Florida at the Smith Brothers Traveling Amusement Park. DON'T MISS THIS ONE! Panty Shovel    6/18/2010    30.4 MB  The real oil spill we should be concerned about, Bandit dug his own grave, air bubbles in the tub, emergency panties, my soundproof tent idea continued, cadavers and lots more! Sheet A Month!   6/11/2010    29.4 MB  Walmart Kaleidoscopes, I dumped Bandit in a trailer park, my improved soundproof tent idea with photographs, sons or daughters, the enema I require of you and lots more! Silver Lake!    6/4/2010    29.8 MB  Out of focus cosmetic television commercials, I shoot out three more iPad screens, her second floor window air conditioner, soundproof tents and lots more! Big Party Today!   5/28/2010    30.4 MB  Kite fishing, my much improved helium balloon idea, my backup plan floor mat strategy, hotel math with regards to its occupants, my new stage act and info about the big titted chick I'm working with, my Memorial Day holiday barbecue scam guaranteed to net you truckloads of pussy and lots more! Mister Sandman!   5/21/2010    29.5 MB  Mister Sandman for under twenty bucks, my inflatable beach ball head appliance, I shot out three more iPad screens using my BB gun pistol with silencer, my Crisco oil invention and much more! Gravity Boots!    5/14/2010    30.4 MB  Two women at a Laundromat, one woman at an outdoor tanning salon, my iPad handle idea, the human experience vending machine, my very low frequency (VLF) metal detector and lots more! The Two Seater!    5/7/2010    34.2 MB  I go metal detecting with a woman at the Ocala National Forest and we find an old abandoned house and behind the old house is an intact outhouse. Purple Fingers!    4/30/2010    33.5 MB  My letter to the corn cob pipe company, my iPad stove idea, my fingers are still wrinkled, my purple fingers idea that could make me rich, the telephone call from the park ranger, the Polaroid camera trick, don't be alarmed and much more! The Nest!   4/23/2010    31.4 MB  My corn cob pipe fiasco, 206 bones, my wrinkled fingers, the good advice from the mushroom farm supervisor, the eagle nest, my special handy panties, don't be alarmed and much more! Body Talk!  4/16/2010      32.6 MB My odd dream, my underground pipe idea, suction cups with stickers, broken pelvic bones, something I ask all my chicks, let's get physical, don't be alarmed, my shit mountain thingy and much more! Jack In The Box!    4/09/2010   33.8 MB  Get chicks using a stick and some string, I nearly died in the trunk of my car, something I tell all my chicks, my weed purchase, a bike ride with Norm, a couple of new ideas, don't be alarmed and much more! Mommies Stalagmite!  4/2/2010  31.9 MB More door-to-door sales, my dong idea with the onboard intercom, my cat food company, suction cups and dildos, I found a set of keys, where two or more are gathered in my name and lots more! Ping Her Love Canal!   3/26/2010   31.3 MB  My Ring-O-Death for flies leads to a pleasurable unexpected big score, my sticky sex seal idea, easily determine depth, width and temperature of a very private place, my glass bottom boat scam, my cock ring transmitter gong device, don't be alarmed and much more! He Makes BB's!    3/19/2010   33.1 MB  Parachutes, my toilet masterpiece idea, motion detectors at supermarkets, tweet panties, my second call to Jim Rutenberg at American Standard Toilet Corporation, don't be alarmed and much more! The Wax Ring!    3/12/2010   34.8 MB  The community center spaghetti dinner, her flies and the wax ring, my phone call to the vice president of marketing at American Standard, a couple of dildo ideas, don't be alarmed and much more! The House Ball!   3/5/2010   31.4 MB  A hundred million people doing it, K2 in the McDonald's toilet, my silly string idea, at the bowling alley, inside the box spring, don't be alarmed and much more! Up Periscope!    2/26/2010    30.8 MB  Get the sound of an owl into her subconscious, McCormick salt and pepper shakers, my periscope, chicks with broken bones, things you too can do in a hotel or motel with your old lady, don't be alarmed and much more! Shanty C-1139!    2/19/2010    29.4 MB  Ice fish and get chicks, too!  Norm recorded this piece while inside a deluxe ice fishing shanty situated atop Lake Cadillac in Cadillac, Michigan. Live on tape in field recording! Saw Me In Half!   2/12/2010    28.1 MB  The pelican, my lime and salt portable pleasure kit, fun things you can do in hotel/motel rooms, don't be alarmed and much more! Mr. Microphone!    2/5/2010    30.1 MB  I'm stuck in a loop with regards to a TV commercial I watched years ago, clean underwear, my U gadget, the ambulance is just through these doors, at the movie theater, fun hotel/motel room ideas and much more! My Enema Horseshoe!    1/29/2010    30.1 MB  The movies, college rings, the hand sanitizers at the mall and the chick that let the luck run out of my horseshoe and lots more! Smell My Hole!    1/22/2010       32.2 MB  Chicks with broken bones, my washing machine idea, Redbox, my dry cleaner establishment continued, don't be alarmed, my Nexus One observation and the chick with the flimsy brassiere. Your Bathtub Speaker!    1/15/2010    28.7 MB  Don't be alarmed, Cosmo, my dry cleaning establishment, the chopper at the mall, girls and bathtub speakers, her washer and dryer and lots more!  Her Hair Plugs!   1/8/2010   32.0 MB   My late night walks, hunting in Michigan, a couple of great ideas, If I had a daughter, the forty-five year old mattress and much more! The Dildo Factory!    1/1/2010    29.5 MB  Live in-field recording direct from the Dawn Dildo factory in Howard City, Michigan! Radio Controlled Xmas Tree!  12/18/09      35.0 MB  Walmart, my secret compartment in the floor under the Christmas tree idea, the sound relaxation machine, the Christmas tree on the wheelchair, the flying Christmas tree, the Subway girl and lots more! I'm The Milkman!   12/11/2009    33.0 MB  My Black & Decker vibrating seat, the race the woman will always win, the vertical Christmas tree with remote, my holiday skirt idea, the bed sheets on Gasparilla Island, when I see chicks and lots more! The Dyson Donging!   12/04/2009   31.8 MB  Use parts taken from a hotel/motel toilet and you too can perform the Dyson Donging Maneuver, the diabetic in Miami, my sex toy polishing machine, my belly button experiment, small game hunting in Michigan and much more! MY BLACK BABY!   11/20/2009   36.6 MB  To Tampa I go to get some holiday weed! Emergency Chewing Gum!  11/13/2009   30.0 MB  Wintertime emergency tips for chicks, the Play Place at McDonald's, Butterball turkey pop-up timers and lots more!  Dumpster Writhing!   11/06/2009   30.6 MB   At the movies, when I see a girl, the Home Depot (cartoon woman) at the self-checkout, pleasure time at McDonald's and lots more! 17 Pairs of Panties!   10/30/2009    29.4 MB  The Salvation Army panty purchase, my pumpkin photocell sex thing, homeless women and dumpsters, my last week working as a volunteer at a haunted house and lots more! CHEROKEE!  10/23/2009   31.5 MB   Her parakeet flew into the open panel that lead to her attic and she wanted me to find it.  Three Chicks One Paraplegic!  10/16/2009  30.6 MB  Off the road in a heavy rainstorm I meet up with three women and a man in the early morning hours. Bob For Apples!   10/09/2009   31.0 MB  Ten things I watch out for in a woman, I pierced her ear with a carpet needle, my Halloween costume idea, I'm working at a haunted house, my excellent bobbing for apples invention and lots more! Get The Color Out!   10/02/2009   31.3 MB   My new invention that connects to your car radiator, a poem, what my stepfather once said that pulled me out of a severe nosedive, wash your hole mole and lots more! Bertha's Box!    9/25/2009      58.7 MB  Live on tape in-field recording direct from Oak Hill Cemetery! My Coffee Book!    9/18/2009   33.1 MB  My photographs since I was seven, the water that rushed into the hole, Theodore Bikel, the mall Hurricane, the Fios tech lady, the one gallon canister next to my bed and lots more! Tiffany Calling!    9/11/2009    34 MB   Pumpkins and how best to use them, my sixth grade teacher Carol Smith, wash your hole, she wants 12,000 bucks to fix it, my boiling water experiment and lots more! Duke My Cuke!   9/4/2009      31 MB   The Hurricane contraption at the shopping mall (and my black date), chicks love my tacky two thing, my screened tent on the sands of Clearwater Beach (with the zippered floor) and lots more! Moans-O-Plenty!   8/28/2009    31.9 MB   A hole a day for seven days (and on the seventh day I'll rest), wash your snatch, my wireless butt plug invention, my coke experiment and lots more! Captain Nemo!   8/21/2009      32 MB   Something I tell all my chicks, the McDonald's Play Place, Walmart and the three wheeled bicycle, don't play with your food and lots more! Momma and Me!    8/14/09    55.0 MB   Walnut Hill Cemetery phoned and informed my mother that my stepfather and his water-logged casket had to be moved right quick. Live in-field on tape recording direct from the Laurel Oak Inn!  Hoop-A-La-Helen's Roll-A-Round!   8/7/09     57.2 MB   I strap on an Edirol and head over to historic Hoop-A-La Helen's Roll-A-Round Roller Skating Rink.  Exciting and action packed don't miss this live on tape in-field recording direct from this 55-year-old rink! Pink Bismuth!    7/31/2009    31.3 MB   Load blows calculated, we're all mountain climbers, my water saving idea, the redhead went grey, my trip to the dollar store and lots more! Ring of Fire!   7/24/2009    29.5 MB  The beach pillow, the hitchhiker, the ranger, my motion sensor nap safety device, the temporary tooth I made that gets chicks and lots more! The Rosenbury Affair!    7/17/2009    29.4 MB  The rubber raft, Doctor Rosenbury and the bogus tooth, the topless dancer and her kids, the McDonald's belt buckle and lots more! Moose River!    7/10/2009    52.4 MB    Join me at my campsite at Moose River in Maine!  Exciting in-field on tape recording! My Musical Septic Tank!    7/3/2009     28.8 MB    My married friend and his old lady, my new improved Slip and Slide idea, my airline musical septic tank scheme, how you too can get out of speeding tickets, my 4th of July underwear cannon and lots more! Slip and Slide!   6/26/2009   28.9 MB  Dear Norm, note to self, Auschwitz and me, find love with my Slip and Slide idea, Rocket Romp and lots more! The Wienermobile!    6/19/2009    29.1 MB  Musket Norm, clicking fingers, my airline septic tank DNA identification probe device, my vibratory pulse fake metal detector chick getter and lots more! TASOG Is Hiring!    6/12/2009    28.9 MB  Clicking fingers again, fun facts, passenger plane septic tanks, TASOG, new inventions and lots more! Blow Globes    6/5/2009     32.7 MB    Blow globes, chicks with broken bones, note to self, yellow mustard, glitter, the scary sound chicks make and lots more! Note To Self    5/29/2009    31.0 MB   The nurse practitioner, my buried treasure scam, diaries, old photographs inside headlights and much more! Jersey Cows   5/22/2009   31.6 MB  My hinged plywood ceiling board, her constipation story, fun facts, the unique girl sound, the incident with the horseshoe lady (and her big titted twins) and lots more! Don't Be Alarmed   5/15/2009   33.2 MB  Fun facts, chicks with broken bones, Universal Studios, Pepto-Bismol and my mom and lots more! Beach Metal!    5/8/2009   60.5 MB  Let's hunt for scrap metal!  Live on tape (nighttime) in-field recording using an Edirol R-09!  (((::IN-STEREO::))) Make Your Own Sex Nickel!    5/1/2009    30.2 MB   Get women using the sex nickel, the eyeglasses that were missing something, my vibrator vending machine with lots of extra options, my kite making contraption and lots more! Her Hubby Wants To Talk To Me!   4/24/2009   34 MB  The sex nickel and her lamp, quick facts, another invention, the woman and her kid at McDonald's and lots more! Win Friends Influence People!    4/17/2009    32.0 MB  The scissor chick, the outhouse gal, make money from beach sand and lots more! Seventy Five Bucks    4/10/2009    35.2 MB    I head to Tampa for smoke supplies on a borrowed ten speed bicycle, the chick in the cubicle next to you, my bathroom rubber stamp and lots more! She Lived In A Cardboard Box   4/3/2009   31.5 MB   The parakeet, the girl in the cardboard box and what the woman said to me while we were on the dance floor. A Canoe Full of Vittles    3/27/2009    31.1 MB  My shiny canoe, vittles, the call from the psychiatrist and the glass blower on Clearwater beach. Backdoor Magazine and The Airport   3/20/09    30.2 MB   The pelican suffered a heart attack mid-flight. The Beach Bum    3/13/2009    31.1 MB   Asleep on the beach with my plastic pumpkin and she woke me up in the most unique way. The Railroad Tie   3/6/2009    28.1 MB   She made wooden peace signs and sold them at the beach. Under The Driver's Seat    2/27/2009    30.6 MB   It was hidden under the car seat 'til we ran out of gas at the airport. Floating Debris and Me    2/20/2009   30.6 MB   I've got my arms around a woman and we're lying on a beach and that's when something washes ashore and slams into my balls. Boom Went Her Toilet    2/13/2009    30.6 MB   She asked me to come to her Naples Florida home to help her replace her toilet. Gas Can Massage   2/6/2009   34.4 MB  The thrift store, The Jitterbug, my subway fall, phoning grandma, AAA and a whole lot more! Schindler's Lisp   1/30/2009    28.5 MB  She had a second floor helicopter pad and I talk about my latest endeavor with regards to Schindler's Lisp. She Died For Me    1/23/2009      27.1 MB  She was hanging from the rafters inside the ice fishing shanty and then she let go and dropped into the hole. Duke Sausage   1/16/2009    27.3 MB  I rent an ice fishing shanty in the upper peninsula of Michigan (Delta County). Live on tape in-field recording using an Edirol R-09. MY SD Memory Card Hack  1/9/09  31.2 MB   My pulley contraption, her dad is a vegetable and her mom is in an iron lung, the pregnancy test, I woke up with my hand glued to the wall and much more! Me and My Porcupine Puffer Fish   1/2/2009   32.2 MB   Fake root balls, Hallmark Cards, the double amputee, the chick that tried to mow me down and the Flapper. Get Chicks Using My Xmas Tree Stand  12/19/08  32.5 MB   Get truckloads of chicks this holiday by building a unique Christmas tree stand that moves the tree vertically up and down. He Didn't Show Up  12/15/08   30.3 MB  Unisex barber shops and my job interview in New York. Soto Romero And My UV Dick Sterilizer  12/05/08   33.3 MB  I ball a Spanish woman behind Vega Ortega's and I talk about my excellent UV penis sterilizer that I developed by altering a UV toothbrush sterilizer. The Log Roll Competition At The Wal-Mart  11/28/08 29.7 MB  Black Friday at the Wal-Mart and the unexpected lumberjack log roll competition. I'll Shoot My Own Thanksgiving Turkey  11/21/08  29.6 MB This year I'm gonna hunt down and shoot my own Thanksgiving day turkey. Live in field recording using an Edirol R-09. Gravy & Vinegar in The Finger Holes  11/14/08 32.4 MB  At the bowling alley drinking Vernor's Ginger Ale and eating hamburgers and while I'm at the bowling alley I'm putting my latest bowling ball finger filler up hole thingy contraption to work. Her Over Inflated Select Comfort Bed  11/7/08  30.8 MB  The case hardened steel ball bearings froze up and then they blew up the air compressor of her Sleep Number bed! 10 Speed Remote Control Pleasure Bullet  10/31/08   30.3 MB  Happy Halloween! In this exciting episode I talk about my holiday employment at a haunted house (I'm a ghost). Additionally I tell you about a woman that called to complain and I talk about how pumpkin love making has kinda caught on for me. Be A Ghost.  Get Chicks    10/24/2008   29.5 MB  I'm working at the haunted house, nitrous oxide pumpkins, she blames me for her Halloween yeast infection and lots more! My Spanish Fly Pumpkin Concoction  10/17/07   31.4 MB  Sexually charged gaseous pumpkins (just follow my easy recipe), vibrator empaths, her dead ferret, pogo sticks and lots more! The Anvil and Her Powerful Pussy Lips  10/10/08   29.7 MB   I'm counting my nose hairs, the sound of pubic hairs being torn out, my Polaroid pictures, the anvil lady (and her snatch lips) and much more! I Cut The Dolphin in Half!   10/3/2008    27.5 MB   On a boat with Norm fishing in the Gulf of Mexico. Live in-field recording using an Edirol R-09! Her Cotton Ventilated Panel   9/26/08    30.7 MB   The lady on the beach was wearing her bikini bottom inside out.  I was just being a Good Samaritan. My Go-Kart Weed Machine   9/19/2008   32.2 MB  I build a go-kart that will take me to Tampa where a fresh brick of weed awaits me. The Maxi Pad and The Coke Can   9/12/08   30.7 MB  Clicking my fingers again, the gravy incident, hurricanes and bathing, the beach discovery and lots more! My Dildo Recycling Plan    9/5/2008    29.3 MB  By 2015 there will be 100 million abandoned, antiquated, worn-out dildos lying about in the United States.  Hear Norm talk about his revolutionary dildo recycling idea! Dead Cats and Your Enormous Gape   8/29/2008   33.2 MB  The fat whore with the Snickers bar (at the movies), the back to school shoppers at Wal-Mart and don't send me photographs of your big gape. I Seesawed The Beaver   8/22/2008   29.4  During a flag football game I massaged (and resuscitated) a beaver and then I seesawed the sister. I Broke Her Pelvic Bone    8/15/2008    My cousin from Las Vegas and how I broke her pelvic bone. My Nitrogen Balloon Bee Bomb   8/08/08    26.6 MB  The beehive had to go. Live on tape in-field recording using an Edirol R-09. Her Foaming Encare Oval  8/1/08       32.5 MB  The psychiatrist called to say I was, "clinically insane," the bong water and her Encare oval vaginal suppositories and I'm inserting dildos into loaves of bread at supermarkets and it feels real good. Finney Must Die!    7/25/08   31.5 MB  The upside down Saint Joseph figurine in a McDonald's cup, I told him it was Gatorade and Finney was gonna drive me to Tampa on his vintage Chinese military motorbike with sidecar (so that I could get my brick of weed) but he pulled the release lever instead. They Stole The Tires And The Gas   7/18/08    30.7 MB  I wanted to buy a brick of weed but the moped I used to get to the buy fucked me real good. The Dollar Store Plastic Testicle Cactus  7/11/08  28.3 MB  Women's shoes at the Salvation Army store, the crocheted rooster head egg warmers, his dollar store cactus scheme and lots more! My 4th Of July Underwear Cannon   7/4/2008   30.2 MB  My amazing Independence Day underwear cannon and my sister Sandy shows up at all holiday family gatherings and heads straight to the toilet. The Parakeet and The Dildo   6/27/2008   30.3 MB  Her Hohner harmonica, the roach I inhaled, the lady with the enormous asshole, I wasted her parakeet (RK) and loads more! Mommies Fun Place  6/20/2008   30.2 MB   Six chicks (more even) sent me photographs of their pussies and will pay for my web server for a month provided I eat out their snatch for sixty guaranteed minutes.  I talk about those pictures and a whole lot more! Empty Mommies Colostomy Bag   6/13/2008   29.9 MB  Her sick lawn, please empty mommies colostomy bag (In the ocean) and lots more! It's Making Cracking Sounds   6/6/08   30.8 MB  Chicks with broken legs, KY Yours & Mine, I'm snapping my fingers again, strange cracking sounds are emanating from my penis and lots more! The Beach Hotel   5/30/2008   28.7 MB   I left my woman in a hotel room for just a short while and when I came back she had a guy in the room and I update you on the status of my guaranteed money making bank robbery scheme. The Ballsy Poodle    5/23/2008    The Poodle with the red scarf incident, my shopping cart invention and lots more! My Latest Book   5/16/2008    29.2 MB   My latest book: 2.5 Million Fucking Positions, the Starbucks logo controversy, the Target department store help button and lots more!Metal Detecting At The Beach    5/9/2008    28.9 MB  I look for buried treasure on a beach in Florida only this beach doesn't allow treasure hunters (no metal detectors allowed).  Find out how I thwart beach officials by using my custom built detector toboggan, a blowup doll and a zippered vinyl lunch bucket.  Recorded live on tape using an Edirol R-09. Hair Lip    5/2/2008    32.6 MB  Clearwater Beach, the movies, Brickhouse and the heel of her shoe, my invention and lots more! The Floating Band-Aid (I almost swallowed)  4/25/08  33.0 MB  They got me on videotape, the Band-Aid I almost swallowed, Cosmopolitan magazine, the shopping cart at Walgreens. My Wooden Clogs    4/18/2008    32.0 MB   Jim Wilson, the bicycle built for two, her Harley, I took the bus to pick up my package, the clogs and lots more! Roadside Assistance   4/11/2008   30.4 MB  Her car broke down and I was going to assist her and the story about a rogue wheelchair that slammed into my vintage Caddy (while I was at the Wal-Mart). Sound Waves and Their Megaphones   4/4/08   29.6 MB   Get with lots of chicks using my revolutionary breast megaphone sound wave method, the squirrel I helped and how best to use a hacksaw when cutting through bicycle frames. Crybaby    3/28/08     29.3 MB   She phoned from Georgia to tell me that I'm a crybaby. The Baker Act    3/22/08   28.6 MB   Held against my will in a behavioral science ward. Audio Stick Of Amplified Pleasure   3/14/08   28.2 MB   One out of four teenage American girls and my amplified audio pleasure stick idea with weatherproof speakers. My Ten Inch Toilet Seat   3/7/08  29.2 MB  Her Dormia Space Age foam mattress (continued), remove pesky pubic lice (crabs) from pubic mounds using an inexpensive lint roller, make paper mache toilet seats that collapse when someone sits on them, my lemon cake comment and the mall security guard, I fell off an exterior Wal-Mart wall ladder while carrying a pillowcase chocked full of custom made dildos and lots more! She Says I'm Vulgar and The 50 Gallon Drum  2/29  28.7 MB  I hurt myself by falling into a deep hole, a woman phones me and says I'm Vulgar and I get a free 50 gallon drum of Pliatex casting rubber.  Her Bed Is Broken    2/22/08   34.2 MB  The defective bed, the buy, my shoes, tooth fillings. Fisticuffs With An Angry Hag    2/15/08   30.9 MB  My parking lot ordeal with the angry middle-aged bag. The 7-Eleven Slurpee Incident   2/8/08   29 MB  More trouble from the ice fishing rental guy, her wine store (and my dildo idea), Gloria and the 7-Eleven Incident and lots more! Push Button For Manual Flush   2/1/08   30.4 MB  She said I needed ten friends, the toilet flush button, always use a lint roller before handling the genitals of your lover, masking tape, doorbell buttons, at the movies and lots more! The Houghton Lake Ice Fishing Shanty  1/25/08  28.2 MB  I rent an ice fishing shanty on Houghton Lake in Michigan and it eerily resembles a Vietnam hot box.  Help!  (Live in field recording using an Edirol R-09). Her Walk-In Bathtub   1/18/2008    33.9 MB  The phone call from the woman in Seattle, my long lost nudie Polaroid pictures, my new menopause pad invention, I hit myself in the jaw with a jar of spaghetti sauce and I get flushed out a walk-in bathtub and end up in a Tampa hospital. He Had A Club Foot   1/11/2008   29.0 MB  I drove them to the airport and something bad happened, the attorney and her rewrite demands (regarding my essay), my date stood up at the restaurant and informed me that I wasn't, "Normal,"  my $250 dumping fine and lots more! Her Punk Lit My Caddy On Fire   1/4/2008   29.8 MB   Her kid lit my car on fire, the Christmas beating, dad and the boat and lots more! Megan Was A Double-D  12/28/2007    30.1 MB  The airplane in the crotch incident, my mood ring observation, my sleep dicking incident, my hand job from the woman living behind Kmart and I played Twister with her kids and her daughter was a Double-D.  Hunting In Hamilton At Christmastime  12/21/07  28.9 MB    I'm invited to go on a hunting outing on a rural 500 acre piece of land in upstate New York (near Blue Mountain Lake).  I bring along my .357 handgun and my 12 gauge shotgun.  Be my guest on my special holiday hunt. Keep It Green (Your Christmas Tree)  12/14/07  32.2 MB   Free Nordstrom gift via helium balloon, paper-mache Christmas tree toppers, Smitten For Clinton, the methane explosion, let's make a snowman, my Christmas lovemaking story. Winter Wonderland   12/07/07   30.2 MB  The Omaha shooting, create fake (sand filled) paper-mache Christmas gifts (and throw them at people in Wal-Mart parking lots), vacant or occupied, Hanukkah gifts, my doorbell torch gig and much more! In The Cuff Of Her Pants   11/30/07   32.3 MB  I talk about my four days working at a Christmas tree lot in Buffalo, New York. Bonus Poem - Lake Toho  11/23/07  1.11 MB  I asked her to go on an airboat ride and she brought her kid with her. A Paper-Mache Turkey For You  11/16/07   30 MB  Learn how to make rock hard, miniature, paper-mache holiday turkeys that you can throw at people and hopefully knock them unconscious.   Red is Dead  11/09/2007  27.6 MB  I've got my rifle and I'm in a swamp in Florida and I'm gonna take out a woodpecker but the whole thing winds up a grizzly, horrific, unbelievable, bloody mess.  Remote field recording using an Edirol.  Black Power   11/02/07  29.3  Chanukah, the death of my dad, attire for pregnant women, their toy, the clogged chicken artery, her acrylic nail. Girls Wrap Your Legs In Aluminum Foil  10/26  32.3 MB   Helpful hints, artificial hips and knees, a sandwich made with heels, walking on sharp tissue and nearly dying, Halloween invention for chicks. My Halloween Blow Job Contraption  10/19/07   32.2 MB  This Halloween get lots of action with my invention, baby poop sifting update, Mathew 18:20, another complaint, masking tape on hotel carpets (what I recently found), and the one place you should be using lint rollers. Bob For My Apples   10/12/2007   29.3 MB   A game I invented that you and your old lady can participate in together during Halloween and it's like the log roll that lumberjacks compete in but it's for women only and it's a lot more difficult. Never Use Your Thumbs and The Art Of Shit Shaping 10/5/07    I destroy a wheelchair strapped to the back of a 1976 Chrysler Cordoba, breasts, germs, pink Energizer batteries and a whole lot more! White Widow   9/28/07   33.1 MB  I try to purchase a couple of White Widow marijuana seeds and the buy goes bad.  Real Bad. Welcome To Maceland   9/21/07  29.5 MB  The unexpected phone call, my dream about Maceland, sleepdicking, breast-feeding and lots more! My Roman Coin Was A Ku Klux Klan Token  9/14  28.7 MB  She asked me to come over to re-caulk her bathtub, my diaphragm flower pot and while sifting through baby shit in the mall (using my latest money making scheme) I found a coin and lots more! Baby Poop Prospecting    9/7/2007   27.8 MB   When you're walking down the halls and your balls hit the walls and how you can make big money by sifting through baby poop in public restrooms. Jeffrey Dahmer Ate My Daddy  August 31, 2007 31.4 MB  How to brick your neighbors router, I caved-in the Toyota Yaris, the best way to return your inkjet cartridges, my (at birth) age advancement idea, facial detection specialists at airports, the big baby bird landed on my hood and the story about the girl that told me her father was eaten by serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer. Ginger Heights   August 24, 2007   29.7 MB  You aren't ever getting a call on your iPhone, the guy from Vietnam, she asked me to videotape the birth of her child, 18 Wheeler, dead chicks with unfinished business, Ginger Heights and much more! I Drilled Her Dress Off   August 17, 2007    35.9 MB  Use masking tape in your hotel room to detect pubic hairs, me naked and standing on a Sit 'n Spin at your bridal shower, if you're pregnant please stop trying to be sexy, get action by putting on a fake garage sale (I'll tell you how), I get an unexpected call from a police detective who suspects that I'm drilling holes into car doors and much more! Some Cement For You   August 10, 2007   29.6 MB  Rare in the field recording offers step by step instructions on how you too can fill car doors of people you've never met (with cement) and the story about the cat that beheaded my bird friend. 18 Wheeler   August 3, 2007    30 MB   Cloning puppies from the DNA of Doo Drop, my rubber band vibrator idea, the contraceptive sponge, 18 Wheeler, filling car doors with concrete and lots more! Doo Drops Coffin   July 27, 2007      (CLICK TO SEE PHOTOGRAPH OF DOO DROPS COFFIN) 30.1 MB   I accidentally pushed my foot through the lid of Doo Drops homemade coffin, I was nearly arrested by a Florida game warden, chicks with broken bones, I found panties in a supermarket, the famous woman that Fed-Exed me the GPS unit and lots more! Our Vaginal Contraceptive Film (VCF) Doobies  26.6 MB  In my dream I'm making love in a dumpster, her VCF saved the day, my new living art invention, hymens in amber (fossilized tree resin), scary cracking noises in my private area and lots more!  The Volkswagen Incident  July 13, 2007  27.9 MB  The unexpected phone call, the Volkswagen, the Ivory Billed Woodpecker and lots more! Jean Brown   July 6, 2007    28 MB  Pregnant women, Jean Brown, Mister Roboto, my underwear cannon update, the Jet Ski incident and lots more! Bagpiper Boy   June 29, 2007   30.7 MB  The Black Widow spider and the Diamondback rattlesnake den, the Canon camera TV commercial, ghosts, my dream with the girl using the walker, my July 4th underwear cannon, my new United States postage stamp invention, the kid bagpiper and lots more!  More Pancakes   June 22, 2007   28.3 MB   I hate your family and especially your friends, older women looking for younger men (Cougars), Dolphins looking like vibrators, Crest Pro-Health toothpaste and your sexual needs, my Virginia Tech inspired invention and lots more! She Wore Her Bikini  June 15, 2007   29.2 MB   My coming of age speech, the bait box lid knocked her unconscious, the seahorse I killed with my own urine, my empty rubber love pods I left at the motel, my new invention, chicks with broken legs and lots more.   KFC Big Bowl or Big Hole?  June 8, 2007  29.1 MB   My friend the physical therapist, the KFC Big Bowl verses the Big Hole, the comedian Margaret Cho with a brush cut and no lipstick looks just like the Virginia Tech gunman (Cho), Yahoo Answers, the kid that nearly killed me and lots more. Women Only  June 1, 2007  28.7 MB  Magazine covers, 100 million people are doing it, Panera Bread, the fish filet incident, at the beach, Wal-Mart, Neosporin, Silverjet, Eclipse Fusion gum, the women only floor at the Marriott. Forever 21  May 25, 2007  31.0 MB  She sweeps up hair at Forever 21, Betty Crocker carrot cake mix, my dream, her dog food, Kmart Wall of Honor, the oak hash pipe incident. Universal Studios, Florida  May 18, 2007  32.9 MB  I spend the day at Universal Studios, Florida. Mothers Day and The Rabbit Foot  27.3 MB  The rabbit foot for my mom, my Steak n' Shake dream, the Easy Button, the hearing aid, mood panties, my litmus paper Hallmark card idea and lots more! Case Dismissed   May 4, 2007  27.3 MB  The judge dismisses her case, a hovercraft for her, my constipation invention, the Apple window display, the package I received and lots more! The Injured 29  April 27, 2007   28.3 MB  The 29 injured Virginia Tech survivors, chicks with broken bones, I don't care if it's your birthday, honeybees, my handicapped guy in the wheelchair scary movie idea and more! Virginia Tech   April 20, 2007  27.7 MB  Virginia Tech, my underwear in the hotel safe, Rolo candy, her missing fingernail polish. Podcamp NYC  April 13, 2007   27.6   The restraining order, my airport search, the big woman on the plane, Miriam, Podcamp NYC. Her Beaver Pelt   April 5, 2007  27.5 MB  My new FAA invention, her face peel, more Honda 70 troubles and lots more. Penny Loafers   March 30, 2007   28.2 MB  California Red Bud and someone ratted me out. Honda 70   March 24, 2007  29 MB   I bought the Honda 70 at a flea market and I was going to impress her with my skills. People Helping Birds  March 16, 2007   26.9 MB  The electrocution in the Caddy, the self igniting fragrance releasing semen sock, the dog park, supermarket skin, hot wax, a new national registry, the bowling alley and more. The Fair  March 9, 2007   25.8  The supermarket, the pelican, the fair, world anthem, my corn cob invention, new semen sock model, chicks with broken legs and lots more! This is Bluegill  March 2, 2007  27.5 MB   Sometimes I hear my stepfather, toilet bowls, the coffin/casket idea, Quiznos, my sock invention, Wal-Mart Easter baskets, the fat pelican and more! Tommy You're Scaring Lindsay  February 23, 2007  26.8 MB   White teeth, the shopping cart incident, the atomic clock vibrator idea, the syringe I stepped on, her worn toilet plunger handle and lots more! The Parking Spot  February 16, 2007   29.1 MB   The parking lot fight (with a woman), good schools, ice-skating, girls with broken legs, aspirins, my fake box of chocolate invention, bowling, his answering machine and more! Dog Watson  February 9, 2007   28.1 MB  Vending machines for transients, combination book light/vaginal cameras, your cell phone ain't never gonna ring, gumball machines with my prize inside and poor Watson didn't have a chance. One Dollar & Seventy Five Cents   February 2, 2007  26.5 MB  She needed the air raid siren, she used her Roomba robotic floor vacuum to suck up condoms, free cocaine at the bank, educational vibrators, blue ice, my dinky, how you too can perform delicate sexual moves like a seasoned safecracker, she was violated by someone she trusted and lots more.     Morse Code Lovin'  January 26, 2007   27.3 MB  Grandma, Sleep Number 69, Morse Code, red pubes, the locked toilet tank at McDonald's and lots more. Her Bubble Machine  January 19, 2007  25.9 MB    Toilet training, India, the splits, Sadie's Portraits, the sign at the playground, the kite at Clearwater Beach, her bubble machine and lots more! He's in The Drawer   January 12, 2007    26.9 MB  Airport toilets, the arts and crafts store and the squirrel buried in the drawer (He had to go). She Wears Insolence   January 5, 2007    28 MB   Stanley Steemer, my door-to-door sales job, programmable panties and lots more! My Polaroid Pictures  Dec. 29, 2006   28.5 MB   A girl I dated while attending college is dead, at the mall and her pants disintegrated, my photographs in the water pipes, vibrating chairs at the mall and lots more! Her Odd Christmas Tree  December 22, 2006  32 MB  Fossils, American Express, iPod Mattress Kit, Heelys, condoms in bookstores, her unusual Xmas tree and more! Cottonelle  December 15, 2006  30.7 MB  Christmastime, Shim-Shin-Do, The Starbucks orgy, the heat lamp, the metric system and lots more! Wrap My Meat (For the holidays)  December 8, 2006   28.2 MB  The parabolic dish, she was wrapping gifts at the shopping mall, her cat doesn't like me, dust and lots more! It Burns   December 1, 2006   28.9 MB  I've planted hypnotic suggestions into your sleeping kids ear, I don't like your friends or family (especially your sister) they questioned us about our trunk action and lots more! Trunk Lovin'  November 24, 2006  31.2 MB  My new invention, love in my Cadillac trunk and lots more. Bank Love   November 17, 2006     30.6 MB  My custom made just for you shoe store idea, Yankee Candle, Feliz Navidad, love at a bank and lots more. Help Me  November 10, 2006    33.2 MB  A psychiatrist calls me, shoes at Nordstrom, miniature golf and the bird lady, the septic tank crying out for help and lots more. My Jell-O Jack O' Lantern & Electro Boy  Nov. 03, 2006  29 MB  Tide-To-Go, the cassette recordings I made as a kid, my Jell-O Jack O' Lantern and Electro Boy. The Singles Halloween Hayride  October 27, 2006  28.40 MB The Halloween hayride (for singles) and the pumpkin you can carve that'll get you chicks (guaranteed).  Halloween Stains   October 20, 2006   28.2 MB   The basement I lived in, gifts for me, the stains I saw on Halloween night (that make sense to me now), my Halloween party and lots more! Into the Furnace on Halloween Night  October 13  It was the last thing I saw before I fell into the furnace and it haunts me. Corn Dodger  October 06, 2006   29 MB  Corn dodgers and cans of beans and the squirrel I screwed up.   My Video iPod Eulogy Idea  September 29   31 MB  Using my revolutionary system/method you'll know more about that dead person than you ever did when they were alive. Her Find   September 22, 2006    26 MB  She found a diamond ring. McDonald's  September 16, 2006  29 MB  My latest invention. Down There  September 8, 2006   26.2 MB  Everyone in America is actually humping one another in a small wooded area. Skull Creek  September 1, 2006  25.8 MB  Sarasota, termites, my transparent plaster mousetrap and lots more! Gifts For Me  August 27, 2006  30.8 MB  Gifts for me, my invention, the movies and more! The Pancake Dinner  August 18, 2006   30.0 MB  I worked at a pancake benefit and a retard there nearly got me killed.   Die Mower Die!  August 11, 2006     30.5 MB  My lawnmower had to go and the supermarket incident. The Park  August 4, 2006  28.3 MB  Metal detecting at the historic park, the bowling alley and lots more! Her Rock Tumbler  July 28, 2006  29.9  MB  Park Rangers, good neighborhoods, chain-of-humping, depression, her rock tumblers and lots more! His Scab Smoked Up My Car  July 21, 2006   28.6 MB My diary, the plastic Easter eggs and the Mexican jumping beans (and the bird nest), the scab from her kid stunk and smoked up my car, I played five hundred with my neighbor, his mom, the whistle and lot's more! My Arrest  July 15, 2006  28.6 MB  At the movies, my arrest, fiber optic fishing, the propane mousetrap and lots more! Pink Detonator  July 7, 2006  26.8  MB  I went camping with the daughter of a dead trucker, the portable solar shower, Mac the poodle and lots more! The 4th of July with Grandmother in Miami   June 30, 2006  27.2 MB  The roller skating rink, salt crystal lamps, the 4th of July with grandmother and lots more! The Beekeeper Girl  June 23, 2006 27.4 MB  Your zipper, in the department store restroom, the bird nest invention, the beekeeper and lots more! The Motorized Bed  June 16, 2006  26.6 MB  The wind-up flashlight, the stench of her stitches, the toboggan, the motorized bed and lots more! Ride The Movies   June 9, 2006  25.8 MB  The wine drinking lovers at the movies, her dentures, Universal Studios and lots more!  The Kentucky Fried Chicken Big Bowl $4.99  June 2, 2006  28 MB  Pubic pillows, on the pew with the red head, the laundry basket alongside the highway, KFC, her daughters name is Reese, the restroom inspection form, hurricane preparation and lots more! Her Relaxation Sound Machine  May 26, 2006  27.2 MB  Models and the subtext of their pose, the sound machine near her bed, sex in a gopher turtle den, the kids toilet in the family restroom (lined with squares of toilet paper) and lots more. Jelly Jars  May 19, 2006   28.2 MB  The young pinko, the bowling prize, get chicks using the hamster on the exercise wheel scam, metal detecting and the sexual story behind the book I donated to the Jerome K. Jerome museum. The Cheeseburger  May 12, 2006  27 MB  Mothers day, the cheeseburger fell through the rusted out hole in her floorboards, the maple syrup that wasn't and lots more. The Blair Witch Bitch  May 5, 2006   27.7 MB  The Blair Witch chick, the party bus, a leather mallet between her f-ckin' eyes and lots more. Carol's House  April 28, 2006   27.9 MB   If Ross hadn't come in I might be retarded right now or dead even. I Killed a Family With A High-Powered Snowmobile  April 21, 2006  42.6 MB She called to say I spelled 'thong' wrong, the after-hours Easter party and how the guests (at the party) told stories and laughed and drank 'til it was my turn to tell my story, the walnut engraved box filled with her dead moms hair and lots more. A Day At The Beach  April 14  40.3 MB  I was gonna find coins from long lost Spanish Galleons (and jewelry) or maybe just a shark tooth but instead I found some other things, Easter at my grandmothers and the never before told story of my sister Sandy who just can't get enough. Her Acrylic Nails and the Pubic Hairs   April 7  44.4 MB  There were pubic hairs stuck in the clear coat atop her acrylic nails, Benny the parakeet was killed when the old man shit his pants (again), my metal-detecting anti-rape motion sensor and lots more. Motorhips  March 31   44.4 MB  Her punky kid ripped my car apart, juggernaut hips, Nora and I ball on the handicap ramp and lots more. Vivian  March 24  44.2 MB  Jerry gets certified, chicks with broken bones, Vivian, Benny the parakeet, her father crapped his pants and more. The Rat  March 17    43.6 MB  I trapped a raccoon and he was gonna love me and we were gonna be friends and I was gonna teach him tricks and I was gonna awe and amaze my friends and then the raccoon that was really a rat bit the end of my finger off so he had to f-ckin' die. I illegally Dumped a Dishwasher One Piece At A Time  March 10 49.4 MB    I was gonna score big so long as I transported her new dishwasher to her house and then removed the old one and then installed the new one and then took the old one the f-ck away. Love Dice  March 3  42.8 MB  Mister Clean, hymenoplasty, the foam bed, found panties and the slip and fall. Flashlights One Dollar  February 23  44.2 MB  Hope plus doubt equals desire, the pitching machine, the coffee girl. The Twilight Years Trailer Park   February 15, 2006  40.4 MB  His China lady, inside the trailer, trouble at the theater and lots more. Key Lime Pie Factory and Restaurant  February 8, 2006  39.5 MB  She worked at the pie factory and she told me to call her Pie Bitch, Valentine's Day, the lady with the space-age foam mattress, great men like Gandhi or Abraham Lincoln didn't swear and lots more. Plaster of Paris and I Found IUD's  February 3, 2006  41.4 MB  She's not gonna sue me now thanks to plaster of paris, I found copper coins that were really IUD's, the slot car track, the Morning-after pill, your orgasm face frozen forever for future generations and the bird that probably committed suicide. Elexa Freshening Wipes by Trojan  January 26, 2006  45.9 MB  Elexa Freshening Wipes by Trojan, 100 million people doing it in America every day, the dangling modifier and personal pronoun, swearing, the chick that left a permanent impression of her body onto her Dormia foam mattress is suing me, vibrating rings, citizen band radios and lots more.   Miss America  January 18, 2006  45.8 MB  The Miss America Pageant, the memory foam bed, the panties I found at the mall, the programmable light-emitting diode (LED) belt buckle and lots more. The Diaper Left Behind  January 11, 2006  46 MB  I'm in the family restroom at the department store and waiting just for me is an abandoned diaper filled with fresh shit.  He died and she says he lit up the room when he'd enter it, Little Boy, Cosmo Magazine, cell phones the post office and lots more. I Wasn't Right For Her  January 5, 2006  27.3 MB  I'm at the restaurant and she says she doesn't like what she sees after she's cracked me open.  My portable toothbrush fiasco, she's in the hospital again (after another suicide attempt), the mouse that had to die, my pigeon, porn and lots more.    Sitting Between Them  December 29, 2005  25.2 MB  At the movies and I'm sitting between two people kissing and petting and on my right the guy looks like the Unabomber and I'm pretty sure he's playing with himself, a trip to the Super Target store, grenades, 50 bullets to my forehead, over confident women and lots more. Christmas Story  December 21, 2005  18.6 MB  My mother phones me, I was invited to a Christmas party and they were telling Christmas stories and they were good touching stories and all American and then they asked me to tell one. Kneading Her  December 14, 2005   28 MB  I met her at the Apple Genius Bar and we drank and then we went to her house in Tampa and she popped the lid on a can filled with sex stuff (Can of Sutra) at which point she proceeded to throw handfuls of body dust at me.  Years ago my woman and I would go metal detecting together and while we were detecting we'd make love in and around all the abandoned buildings we'd explore; plus rubber band gun fights and more. Tonight You Die  December 7, 2005    16.3 MB  Two-thirty in the morning and I'm standing inside a Wal-Mart writing Tonight You Die on Etch-A-Sketches and I drop a pair of my underwear inside a Toys For Tots donation box.   Fatty Patty   December 1, 2005    20 MB  I put a sex doll that had three love holes inside an inflatable yard decoration and because of that the cops came into my house and found my XLR microphone cable hanging from the closet shelf ( I do the Podcast in the closet) and thought that maybe I was into autoerotic asphyxiation.  My mountain of pus grandmother says I'm a bad seed and she only allows me to use one sheet of toilet paper when visiting.  Shopping for Christmas trees inside Christmas tree tents in Florida must be similar to being inside the Hanoi Hilton, my mom walks like a Nazi and lots more.    Nancy Saved My Life at Thanksgiving  November 21, 2005  20.6 MB  My California friend Wesley married a woman who once knocked him unconscious with a Coke bottle (while he was sleeping).  Did my dad expire 'cause of a malfunctioning electric blanket?  My flickering electric candle, Baldy my hairless cat, the skeleton costume and how I once fell asleep in a running car (in a closed garage) and was saved from certain death by a pretty red-haired girl named Nancy (but I still ended up in a mental institution).      Moth Balls & Her Baby Genius  November 11, 2005  19.5 MB  I went to the movies and settled into my seat with my Nestle Sno-Caps and my iced Coca-Cola and real quick I was overcome by the strong stench of moth balls and I date a chick with a kid and she's buying him a DVD called Baby Genius.  How come all Americans think their kid is above average and brilliant and destined for greatness?  Surely some American kids are just fat, carb consuming idiots who'll never amount to anything.  Probably your kid, even.       My Song & Doomsday  October 26, 2005    18.9 MB  A woman living in the United Kingdom phoned me and said that I've been using the word DONG incorrectly.  She informed me that the word DONG when handled properly can be delivered in a sensual, gentle, pleasant manner, unlike the way (according to her) that I've been using it.  I write a song and sing it a-cappella, I also talk about the end of the world, dead cats and a bunch of other stuff.   Dong Song lyrics, HERE.  Dong Song, HERE. Cheryl  October 14, 2005  23.5 MB  I met her late at night inside a Subway sandwich shop inside a Wal-Mart Superstore and we ended up donging one another on the hot soft asphalt between two parked 50 foot trailers left behind by a couple of big-rigs.  She's gone now and I'm thinking that she might have been the ONE for me. The Toilet  October 5, 2005   22.9 MB  I  used the restroom at the movie theater and thought there might be a camera hidden in the air vent above the toilet (aimed at my dong) and somebody left a used diaper (balled up and filled with shit) lying on the wall mounted fold down baby changing table. My Halloween (The Costume)  September 21, 2005  16.3 MB  I wore the same stinkin' skeleton costume every Halloween for seven years in a row and I think my mom once tried to kill me (On Halloween night). Ann Todd and The Tree House  September 13, 2005  14.8 MB  Ann Todd was mine 'til she turned her head and spoke to me and I cut down George's tree house. The Woodpecker  August 15, 2005  12.2 MB  I stumble across a rare (if not extinct) Ivory-billed Woodpecker while walking through a swamp near my home. Dug Up  August 6, 2005  13.5 MB  They had to dig up her great grandmother and (rebury her) and they're not going to rip me off when I'm dead and lying in the funeral parlor. The Incubator  July 28, 2005  14.3 MB  I sent away for a egg incubator from a comic book and the woman living next door to me tells me how hard they're trying to have a baby. The Dolphins  July 19, 2005  10.9 MB   A 400 pound dolphin charged me while standing in the Gulf of Mexico and nearly took off my testicles. The Squirrel  July 11, 2005   12.7 MB  Donna Lindsey, the fair outhouse, the squirrel I took out and my dad the drinker. Independence Day  July 1, 2005  11 MB  On the 4th of July my family and I would hide and when I was a little kid my mom referred to my penis as, "Your dinky". Mrs. Howell  June 23, 2005  10.9 MB  I had five years of piano lessons and can't remember even one note and I used to remove the dead cats from under our rented house in Detroit. Duke is Dead  June 15, 2005  14.8 MB  My mom threw Duke's frozen body over the fence, the church bake sale, I helped a chick change her tire and my unique invention that will prevent me from getting raped when I'm dead and lying on the slab at the funeral parlor. The Date  June 7, 2005  13.6 MB  I date this girl in Tampa, my favorite Taco Bell is now a porn place and Wes, my friend from California, would like me to mail him a few plates of stuffed Grape Leaves. Baby's  Got The Blues Written By Desiree Million, Copyright 2000 Rena Records-Huntsville, AL The Visit 2  June 03, 2005  11.4 MB  My friend from California goes home, thoughts of Yasmin my beautiful English ex-girlfriend and the guy with the paper shredder. The Visit  May 29, 2005  9.79 MB  He's visiting from California during Memorial Day weekend. 101 Positions  May 26, 2005  11.6 MB  Mating positions, Marbles, 7-Eleven Slurpees, my mom and Memorial Day. Aunt Doris  May 21, 2005  12.3 MB  My Aunt Doris, hamburgers and do-yourself-pregnancy testers. My Hamster Died  May 19, 2005  2.41 MB  My hamster died and I'm gonna give it a burial-at-sea.  Podcast from Clearwater Beach, Florida. Turtles and Dog Parks  May 16, 2005  8.32 MB  Turtles for sale and maybe you'll find romance in a dog park. Boots  May 14, 2005  9.1 MB  Cassette recordings, moms and fancy boots. Mother's Day  May 08, 2005  11.9 MB  Mother's Day and the birdhouse, my cat, getting porked when I'm dead, the frozen drink machine and skeletons. The Ceramic Shop  May, 06, 2005  8.33 MB  They were bonding at the ceramic shop and I found some weed in a salt shaker at the Salvation Army Store. The Bowling Prize  May 03, 2005  8.9 MB  I won a prize and put it in my ass. Skype Me  April 28, 2005  5.9 MB  I was gonna Skype people. My Cat and The Vampire  April 26, 2005  8.28 MB  I met a scary old woman at a bar and she needed a ride home. Gas Pumps  April 22, 2005  5.7 MB  Sexuality and gas pumps. Treasure Hunting  April 17, 2005  9.3 MB  I was gonna dig up all kinds of things. Click for 2004 Podcast Archive How can I listen? 1) Add Norm's Podcast feed to your favorite aggregator:  http://www.normaugustinus.com/podfeed.xml 2) You're done! Norm Augustinus was born in Detroit, Michigan (USA), where he later attended Ferris State University earning a degree in Journalism and a Bachelor of Science degree in Television/Theater.  Because of his growing following publications have referred to him as a "underground cult icon". He has appeared in dozens of television commercials and stage plays and has written for numerous publications.  Write to:  naugustinus@gmail.com