I am at the mall and I am asking the salesman questions about the Sleep Number Bed and when I ask a question he doesn't understand (or doesn't like) the salesman refers me to another employee:

"He has a question about the air intake motors in the bed."

A wide hipped, full lipped woman donning a boy haircut and wearing a nametag says:

"Can I help you, sir?"

The nametag pinned to her shirt is telling me (and everyone else) that her name is Catherine but instead of calling her Catherine I call her Cathy and she quickly corrects me:

"My name is Catherine, sir."

The man salesman winks and stretches his lips into a crooked half smile and while he's still smiling his crooked half smile I say: 

"Are the motors that are built into the Sleep Number Bed spark proof?"

The salesman look at one another and when they're done looking at one another the woman smiles and the man salesman winks again and then the woman salesman says:

"Spark Proof?"

Near the register is a big red button (mounted to the wall) and I'm thinking that maybe the red button is used when they encounter someone like me so I retool my delivery:

"Where does the air come from used to inflate each side of the bed?"

After a momentary pause the man salesman says:

"Where does the air come from?"
 
Catherine looks at her watch and then looks at the man salesman and then looks at me and says: 

"The onboard motors inflate the bed using the air in whatever room the Sleep Number Bed happens to find itself."

The man salesman winks and smiles and even Catherine is trying to force a smile and while she is forcing out a company smile I say:

"If a man and woman were particularly gaseous and are emitting methane for hours on end while lying atop the Sleep Number Bed would that air be sucked into the Sleep Number Bed?"

The man salesman says:

"Pardon?"

The woman salesman says:

"I'm not following you, sir."

I say:

"If the air intake motors that inflate the Sleep Number Bed aren't spark proof isn't it conceivable that every time a user inflates the bed their life could be in danger?" 

The man salesman says:

"In danger?"

The woman salesman says:

"The Sleep Number Bed is guaranteed safe and has been laboratory tested, sir."

I say:

"A bed filled with methane could explode especially if the motors aren't spark proof.  Are the motors spark proof?"

The man salesman is now winking at me (again and again) and I realize his winking and smiling was maybe a nervous twitch and not a part of his Sleep Number sales pitch.  The woman has moved to the counter (the heels of her shoes make loud clunking boss like sounds) and she is standing only a foot (0.3048 meters) from the red button when she says:

"You can find more information about the amazing Sleep Number Bed online, sir."

I say:

"If you dropped the fancy TV commercials starring the Bionic Woman and pulled the stylish bed sheets off this thing aren't we really looking at an age-old inflatable vinyl mattress like something one would use in a pool or at the beach?"

The man salesman has manipulated his lips into a ridiculous looking artificial smile and (now) both of his eyelids are rapidly opening and closing.

He says:

"We don't sell exploding pool inflatable's filled with methane gas.  We sell the revolutionary Sleep Number Bed.  My number is 55.  Her Sleep Number is 25.  Perhaps one day you'll find your Sleep Number.  Find your Sleep Number and therein is the answer to all things.   Thanks for visiting us today."

"You've been very informative," I say then exiting the store.   


NOTE-Methane reacts with oxygen in the air to form carbon dioxide and water. The reaction is very exothermic (it produces a large amount of heat vapor):

CH₄ + 2O₂ > CO₂ + 2H₂O


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