Wednesday February 14, 2007
     
  My Valentine's Invention.  
 




I say:

"I'm gonna try to sell this idea to a greeting card company."

She says:

"What is it?"

I say: 

"It's a greeting card."

I've only recently met her and she has full red lips and good female hands and while I'm enjoying her perfume I give her my greeting card.

"So," she says after inspecting it then handing it back to me.   

I say:

"When I was a kid my aunt Marge who really wasn't my aunt gave me a birthday card and there was a cardboard wheel inside." 

"The aunt that took you out on your birthday?  The one that said you could have any toy you wanted so long as it was under one dollar?" she says.

I say:

"That's the one."

She says:

"What about her?"

"She gave me a birthday card with a rotatable cardboard wheel inside and the idea was for the buyer of the card to turn the wheel to the kids age," I say.

She says: 

"Huh?" 

"If you're ten years old and it's your birthday the purchaser of the card would turn the thin cardboard dial to the number 10 and then as the recipient you'd read it," I say.

She says:  

"Like how?"

I say:          

"Happy birthday you're 10 years old today."

She asks to see my greeting card invention again and then after a couple of seconds and a long drawn out exhalation of air from her good female lungs she says:

"This is sick, Norm."

I say:
 
"It's not sick it's clever and I bet I'll sell a million of them."

She says:

"Happy Valentines Day my dick is 14 inches long and it's my gift to you?"

I say:

"Just turn the dial to the number that best represents your dick."

She examines the card again and when she's done she gives it back to me and says:

"The dial goes up to 59 and a half inches that's stupid."

"It's not stupid," I say.

"There ain't no man with a 59 and a half inch penis," she says.

I say:

"Do you know that for sure?"

"Where's the one for women," she says then putting her hand out.

After a couple of seconds of looking at each other and not saying anything I pull the card from my back pocket and say:

"It so happens that I did design one for women."

She reads the card aloud:

"Happy Valentine's Day darling.  Also, my vaginal opening is 17 inches from top to bottom?"

"You can adjust the dial from one inch up to a maximum of 71 inches," I say.

"That's really something, Norm," she says then pushing the card into my back pocket.


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