Friday December 8, 2006
	The mall at Christmastime.
	I'm at the mall and I'm in the restroom and I'm having trouble getting to the urinal because a good amount of water is on the floor.  When I do unzip and proceed to pee I realize someone has plugged one of the toilets.  While I'm peeing I'm singing along to the music coming out of the ceiling mounted speaker: Meet you in the ladies room, For my money you can't be too soon... While I'm zipping up I'm thinking: Why would I want to meet up with a chick in the ladies room, especially if the floor is wet and the toilet is plugged?  That's sexy?  C'mon Norm, you're supposed to overlook stuff like that when you're overcome by desire.  It shouldn't matter if all the toilets were plugged.  If there's a chick in here and she's waiting for you to hell with stuff like that.  Unzip and ball her.  Lie down on the wet floor even.  Maybe all the up and down motion will cause the two of you to hydroplane from one end of the toilet to the other.  C'mon Norm.  I can understand how it might be easy to ignore the plugged toilet and the odor and all the water on the floor but won't it become painfully obvious after the both of us simultaneously experience massive orgasms?  I couldn't feel my feet for just a sec and I'm still reeling in aftergasms honey, she'll say.  Good for you and me too punkin' but jeez does it smell like shit in here and is that wet toilet paper lodged in your pubic mound and look at your sundress it's soaked right through. As I'm exiting the toilet a woman walks past me pushing a boy that looks to be about ten years old. I know better but I hear a bell go off in my head and when it stops ringing I say:               "He's too old to be taken into the restroom by his mommy."  The woman stops and turns and pulls a cell phone from her big expensive American designer purse. "F-ck off," she says. She's juggling the the cell phone from one hand to the other and her mouth is open and her head is kinda cocked to one side and I guess she's using some sort of body language and I figure that all the juggling means that she'll call the cops right quick if I push the issue.  "F-ck off to you too," I say. They wrap gifts for a fee at the mall and at the gift wrapping table a good to look at woman pulls transparent tape from a dispenser. "How ya doing?" I say. She says: "Merry Christmas." I'm kinda pissed after being told to f-ck off by a woman coming into the toilet and I don't know why but in a low kinda hard to understand mumbled way I say: "Would you wrap my meat?" After a moment of not saying anything the woman stops cutting paper and says: "What did you say?" I'm looking at her and after a second of not saying anything I say (using a lower even more kinda screwed up barely audible voice): "Would you wrap my meat?" After another moment of not saying anything the good to look at woman gift wrapper places the scissors on the counter and reaches for a small walkie-talkie kinda thing and while she's holding it she says: "What did you say?" I figure I've pushed this far enough and when it looks like her thumb is about ready to push the transmit button I say: "This is really neat." After a moment she says: "I'm sorry.  Did you need something wrapped?" I say: "Merry Christmas." As I'm walking away I see her put down the walkie-talkie thing and reach for a spool of red ribbon. "Same to you," she says. PREVIOUS   HOME   NEXT