Wednesday November 15, 2006
	Her Christmas wreath.
	"Right about there," she says.  Her name is Audrey M.  She's 27, thin, possesses enormous boobs, is the mother of two girls and I met her at a house party about a week ago (The house where the party was held had been recently tented for termites and additionally it stunk of fecal matter as it was across the street from a sewage processing plant in Clearwater, Florida). I'm adjusting the position of the wreath when I say: "Right about here?" I'm attaching a giant Christmas wreath (with blinking lights) onto the front of her two-story house and she's standing in the front yard a floor below me.  She's asked me to help and now she's supervising me. I'm more interested in her now (then I was the evening I met her).  At the house party everything stunk of shit and it's tough to pickup or send out any kind of sexual vibe when whomever you're wanting to hook-up with is thinking that maybe you've crapped your pants (A couple of Spanish speaking bitches at the party even fainted but the party hosts figure it was residual poison still lingering in the walls from the termite gassing). Audrey says: "That's perfect, Norm." While I'm attaching the wreath using a Black & Decker cordless drill (and screws made to go into stucco) a woman moves past the house pushing a stroller.   I wave and while I'm waving I say: "How are you?" "Asshole," says the woman then pushing the stroller even faster and before I have a chance to call her a greasy egg filled whore Audrey says:   "My neighbors don't like my husband."   Big boobed Audrey is still married but according to her she's officially separated.   "You look a lot like my husband," she says.  "They think you're him." Audrey's husband has hit her on several occasions and in one instance she ran from her home wearing only panties. At the house party she said:      "He has a temper and he's controlling.  He expects me to be pretty and sweet and be ready at all times for sex. Sometimes he spanks me." While Audrey watches me affix the wreath using the Black & Decker I'm thinking (secretly and to myself): Jesus.  Her husband expects her to be pretty and sweet and to be ready for sex at all times.  Damn that sounds like, me.  Be pretty and sweet and ready for sex at all times.  I think I like this guy.  No, I love this guy.  Sometimes he spanks her?  Christ that kills the evening.  I planned on spanking you myself (after I hang the wreath), now what the hell am I supposed to do?  I wonder if any of her neighbors snapped any pictures of her running down the street wearing just panties?  Maybe later on you could go door to door and makes some inquiries.  Hello I'm the divorce attorney for Audrey M.  Do you have any pictures of her running naked wearing only panties?  Video perhaps?  We'd like to enlarge them (poster size prints) or transfer the video to 35mm film to help her case.  Thanks for your time.  C'mon Norm.  She believes in you.  She's having a hard time.  You're helping her with a Christmas wreath (and her two kids are watching you through their bedroom windows) and you're thinking about spankings and underwear.  Show her that men are honorable.  Put the wreath up and forget about the hand job you hoped she'd give you.  Be a man.  Be mature.  Stop thinking about how her tits probably flopped up and down as she ran down the street (out of fear).  Stop thinking about how red her small ass cheeks were from the spanking.  This is practically Christmas, man.  You disgust me Norman. When the screws are all in I say: "All done Audrey." She says: "Would you like to stay for dinner?"  I say: "I've got a tight schedule." She says:   "C'mon, Norm." After a moment of not saying anything I say: "Okay." PREVIOUS   HOME   NEXT