Friday August 11, 2006
	Pipe cleaners and dating.
	They meet once a month and they're single and they're wanting to meet someone and while they're there they create things. A friend has invited me to come along. The date proctor stands at the head of the class and she's explaining how to turn pipe cleaners into works of art and while the attendees are turning things into art they're looking hard for a man or a woman. The single and looking woman sitting to my left says:   "I'm making rings.  I love rings and I'm pretty sure I'll be able to sell these on the internet for a good amount of money.  What are you making?" I say: "I'm bending my pipe cleaners into two-inch circles so that they'll fit over my cock and act as a sort of French tickler so that when I eventually find someone to hump, maybe you even, I'll be properly prepared to dole out a good amount of sexual pleasure." She drops the pipe cleaner rings that aren't worth even a penny and says: "What did you say?" I say: "Try to imagine the look on my humps face when she sees pipe cleaners of all shapes, colors and sizes wrapped around my crank handle." She says: "Hump.  Crank handle.  You're sick." I say: "I don't like to attach a name onto my pumping partner right off.  During the first six months of lovemaking I call every humpee, Soo.  I learned this trick while I was in Vietnam." She says: "You were in Vietnam?" I say: "No, but I'm pretty sure I would have learned something like that had I been there."  She says:    "I'm making quality rings and maybe I'll meet a man in this class and he'll put one of the rings I made on his finger and forty years from now we'll take the pipe cleaner ring from our wall safe and we'll remember how we met and we'll laugh and between laughs we'll drink wine." The single and looking woman sitting to my right says: "I'm making my daughter earrings and my son is getting a wristband." Secretly and to myself I'm thinking: Her daughter ain't gonna like earrings made out of yellow pipe cleaners but I'll bet her feminized son will really enjoy the wristband.   The class proctor says: "When I point to you please stand, introduce yourself and then tell the class what it is that you've created." "I'm first,"  I say.  "Pick me." "You're bizarre," says the woman sitting to my left (The one making the rings). "Please stand and introduce yourself," she says then pointing to me. I stand and while I'm standing I say: "Hello everyone I'm Norm Augustinus and this conjoined series of pipe cleaners was designed to be slid over my prick and this pipe cleaner I'm now holding is really just a pipe cleaner I've bent into the shape of a hook 'cause I frequently smoke my hash pipe while I'm sitting on the toilet and sometimes I drop the pipe into the toilet and I figure that with the aid of this hook I'll be able to fish out the pipe without getting my hands wet." PREVIOUS   HOME   NEXT