Tuesday July 25, 2006
	Her period.
	A married friend of mine has a waterfront house and I've been invited to stay the weekend.  I'm excited.  My friend has a couple of Jet Skis and there is a boat too and I've just picked up the woman that will be staying the weekend with me. She's new to me.  I say:   "How are you?" She says: "Hi Norm." She's got good female hands and full red lips and as I'm driving I'm imagining her lips atop mine (while her trembling hands move slowly toward my penis).  Of course I'm sitting behind the wheel of my vintage Cadillac and I'm driving and smiling and looking like an educated good to look at man and it isn't likely she has any idea of what I'm thinking about. I say: "I'm sure glad you decided to come." She says: "It sounds like fun." Secretly and to myself I'm thinking: Shit she wants me.  She really just met me and already she wants to spend the weekend with me.  I mean, we're adults she must know what happens when adults get together.  More than likely we'll be walking along the lake at my married friends house and we'll talk and eventually we'll stop talking and maybe gaze at the moon and while we're looking at the moon we'll laugh about how many times I fell off the Jet Ski and right about then I'll pull my pulsating prick out and she'll see it and of course she'll be scared, but then after the initial shock of seeing it (throbbing in the moonlight), she won't be scared anymore she'll be downright happy and right quick we'll hump one another again and again and again.  I say: "Have you ever used a Jet Ski?" She says: "Once."  I say:    "I'll teach you." Secretly and to myself I'm thinking: The two of us will be on that Jet Ski and I'll be sitting behind her teaching her how to use it like an official Jet Ski tutor and we'll be way out in the middle of the lake and it'll be dark out but there's a full moon so we can see one another pretty good and 'cause I'm sitting behind her she'll become aware of my throbbing dong and she'll turn around and we'll start saying sexy shit to each other and then we'll push our tongues into each others mouth and that's when I pull my crank handle out and right quick we'll ball each other and the up and down motion will cause the Jet Ski to bob up and down and there's gonna be massive waves and eerie moans and some of the lakefront residents might think we're the Lockness Monster. She says:  "I've got bad cramps." I say: "There's Alka-Seltzer in the glove box." She turns her head and says:  "I'm on my period, Norm." A minute passes and when it passes I say: "What does that mean?" "I've been experiencing some diarrhea and a little gas, my flow is unusually heavy and I feel like I'm gonna pass out." Secretly and to myself I'm thinking: F-ck me.  We were gonna pork one another on the beach and on the Jet Ski, too.  The Jet Ski was gonna be bobbing up and down.  People were gonna think we we the Lockness f-cking monster.  I say: "Want me to stop and get you some pills or something?" "Maybe you should just turn around," she says. I say: "Chicks on their period swim, laugh, party and even run in foot races in the TV commercials." She says: "Could you find me a restroom?" Secretly and to myself I'm thinking: I'll be on the lake alone beating my own meat sitting atop the Jet Ski.  Just thinking about the waves created by my lone bobbing action is making me sick. I try to salvage the weekend so out of desperation I say: "Once I donged a chick under her folks Christmas tree in Ohio and she had diarrhea." She says: "Get me to a toilet, Norm." PREVIOUS   HOME   NEXT