Sunday February 19, 2006
	My psychiatrist and me.
	"I'm a little concerned," she says then pushing her expensive pen to paper, "You frequently talk in your recordings about how maybe you won't be here tomorrow." "You listen to my Podcasts?" I say.  "Is that what the recordings are called?" she says.  "Uh huh," I say.  "Podcasts." She's a quick study and I'm careful not to give her too much 'cause she's got a mind like Hannibal Lecter. She says: "I enjoy your Podcasts.  They're quite revealing, Norman." I like her.  She's all girl and she has yellow hair and she wears skirts and she has good female hands and sometimes I try to ask her questions regarding her (and when I do she steers the conversation off of her and back onto me). She says: "You talk about intercourse often." When she finishes her sentence she does something to her pad of paper and when she's done doing whatever it was that she was doing to it a fresh sheet of paper appears and the tip of her expensive pen is in a holding pattern just above the paper. I say: "When I was a kid I was walking in this wooded nature park with my aunt Marge who really wasn't my aunt Marge and we nearly stepped on this big ball of snakes." "Your stepfathers sister?" I figure she studies my family tree just prior to our meetings. I say: "I didn't understand it then but there were maybe 50 Garter snakes writhing around in this tight ball all trying to mate with a single female somewhere in that ball." "That's quite common," she says. "My aunt Marge who really wasn't my aunt Marge wrapped her fat fingers around my artsy hand and jerked it hard pulling me away from the ball of screwing snakes and while we were walking she said: That's going on all around you, Norman.  Remember that." "That's very true," says my counselor then writing something down.  I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to miss a single word coming from my mouth so I wait for her to stop writing and look up but she doesn't look up and while she's writing she says, "Go on." I say: "When I got older and realized there was such a thing as intercourse I imagined people inside their homes all balled up like the snakes.  They were in their home and their legs were wrapped around one another and their arms were wrapped around one another and even their tongues were entwined and it was kinda scary and I could see my aunt Marge who really wasn't my aunt Marge walking alongside me:  That's going on all around you.  Remember that Norman." She stops writing whatever it is she is writing and looks up and at me and after maybe 40 seconds of not saying anything she says: "Your aunt Marge probably meant that snakes were mating all around you.  She was giving you a lesson with regards to earthly creatures." I say: "Un huh." She says: "When will you stop saying my aunt Marge who really wasn't my aunt Marge?" I say: "I wanted an expensive toy.  What kind of a person takes someone out on their birthday and tells them that they can have anything they want so long as it doesn't cost more than one dollar?" "Perhaps she had limited resources." "I was the step nephew.  Maybe she thought that even a dollar was pushing it," I say. "Uh huh," she says then looking down and while she's looking down she's writing. I say: "I wanted somebody to love me and push their fingers through my hair or maybe buy me a baseball glove like in the Courtship of Eddie's Father.  You can't get a glove for a dollar." "Please continue," she says. "If she had wanted she could have killed me and dumped my body onto some isolated gravel road." "Uh huh," she says. I say: "I was lucky." The timer bell dings and she stands and says: "Same time next week Norman?" "See you then," I say. PREVIOUS   HOME   NEXT