Thursday February 9, 2006
	My Valentine.
	"Thank you," she says then putting her full lips onto my cheek (kissing me) and while her lips are there she begins singing and while she's singing she moves her mouth to my ear: If you want some lovin', That I'll give to you. If you want some hugging baby, I can hug some, too. All I want baby, Is some thoughts of you, Just a little bit attention, You know, will see me through. ’Cause you know you're my kind, And I want you to be mine. I idolize you. I would like to make love to you, When the lights are low. I would like to scream to you baby, Just to let you know. "That's nice," I say.  Most of the blood in my body has been redirected to my dong and because of that my nose, hands and feet are cold.  "Tina Turner," she says then putting her arms around my head.  To myself I'm thinking: Holy shit.  I gave her a wrapped Clark bar and a handwritten note and she's all over me.  Man.  The only other time a chick sung to you was when you humped that hitchhiker.  The hitchhiker.  December 2003?  She sung Don't Fear the Reaper to you but that was kinda creepy.  Remember how you entwined your fingers with hers not because you were caught up in the moment but because you were scared she might strangle or knife you.  You shouldn't have picked her up, Norm.  You should have drove right on by.  Creepy and an even creepier voice:  Baby take my hand, we'll be able to fly, 40,000 men and women everyday.  She's the chick that wanted to rent the trunk of your Cadillac.  Said it was better than her last apartment.  Jesus that was stupid.  What kind of a f-ckin' idiot would want to live in the trunk of a car?  No sink or toilet or bathtub.  You should've drove right on by.  That was stupid.  C'mon Norm, get your mind off the hitchhiker and get it back on the chick that's got her arms around you.  C'mon Norm.  Jeez, I humped a hitchhiker at Christmastime.  That's f-cked up.  What kind of person would pick up a hitchhiker a couple of days before Christmas and then hump them?  You didn't even know her.  You're deranged Norman.  Remember how she pulled a wrapped Christmas present from her backpack and gave it to you and then asked for her gift and when you said you didn't have one 'cause she was just a smelly hobo girl you just picked up she got pissed so she took her gift back and that's when you said her gift was gonna be your sausage. Remember Norman?  Remember? I stop thinking about the hitchhiker I met in 2003 and about how she wanted to live in my trunk and about how we humped just a couple of days before Christmas when the woman holding me says: "Do you like Tina Turner Norman?" I say: "Of course." "Happy Valentine's Day baby," she says then putting her lips onto mine. I Idolize You performed by Ike and Tina Turner.  Number five on the chart in 1960.  Written by Ike Turner. PREVIOUS   HOME   NEXT