Monday January 9, 2006
	The snake.
	"You okay Norm?" says the woman standing in the yard across from mine. "Yeah fine," I say.  She always uses my first name even though I've never spoken to her (I occasionally wave when driving past her) and more than once I've gone back into my house when I see her coming my way. "What have you got there?" she says. "A snake," I say, "I ran over a snake with the lawn mower."  People living in Florida mow their lawns throughout the year. When I say snake she walks toward me and because the mower is out I can't get away (and back into the house then closing the blinds and locking the door). "Snake?" she says.   Because she's now standing alongside me I say what I'm sure she wants to hear: "Poor thing." When I say poor thing she stops looking at the mangled snake and looks at me. I know that look.  She's single and I look good on the outside and when I say poor thing she's sure I'm not only handsome but sensitive, too.  "Maybe I should bury him," I say.  If she wasn't standing on top of me I would have simply run the snake over again and again (the mower has a mulching blade). "Bury him?" she says. "Think I should?" I say, then smiling. I'm pretty sure her nipples came out when I said, bury him. "How have you been, Norman?" she says.  I never liked the name Norman.  My stepfather used to call me Wolfgang and when he was really feeling good he'd call me Wolfie or he'd make a howling sound and that meant he had a paying job for me.      "I'm fine," I say, then smiling. "That's good," she says then smiling. She wants more. "If only I saw him earlier I could have steered the mower away from him," I say. She's single and she's got full lips and good female hands and she looks good in shorts and I like the way she paints her toenails and she owns a home and she's an American and I guess I'm supposed to ask her in and then offer her a coffee or a tea but I don't and because I'm uncomfortable with all the smiling I say: "It was good talking with you." Real fast and like something right out of a movie she says: "I'm having a few people over this Friday." "I can't," I say. She says: "Okay." I say: "Okay."   "Watch out for the snakes," she says while walking backwards (her arms crossed).  I'm pretty sure my abrupt I can't has embarrassed her. "I will," I say then smiling.  "Some other time," she says then waving. The mower is self-propelled and it is going good and while I am walking behind it I'm thinking about my aunt Marge who really wasn't my aunt Marge and about how she'd take me shopping on my birthday and tell me how I could have anything I wanted so long as it didn't exceed one dollar. "Anything between here and here, Norman." Do you mean it aunt Marge? "Between here and here Norman, but not anything up there, over here or in this area." When the mower stalls I push the earbuds back into my ears and switch the iPod back on.  The new single by She Wants Revenge (Tear You Apart) is waiting for me as is the latest episode of Madge Weinstein. Madge doesn't like to be kept waiting. PREVIOUS   HOME   NEXT