Saturday October 8, 2005
	She likes expensive handbags.
	"Last season I 'bout pulled my hair out trying to find the Chloe Paddington bag," she says then putting the wine glass to her lips.  When she's gotten her fill of red wine she lowers the glass and says: "I called the Linda Dresner boutique in New York and offered them even more money than the purse was being sold for just so I could get one." "How much do purses cost?" I say, then moving my lips into a kinda crooked half smile. "The Paddington was over a thousand," she says, "But it has this really neat working padlock and it comes with a key." "Sounds like it was worth the money," I say then putting the Budweiser bottle to my lips and while I'm pouring the beer into me I'm thinking: A thousand dollars for a purse?  What the f-ck?  A thousand dollars for a stinkin' purse.  Huh?  A thousand dollars?  A thousand dollars is forty blowjobs in Tampa ($40 each or less on any street corner).  A thousand dollars is 200 six-packs of beer.  A thousand dollars would run the average vibrator in America for thirty days (one hundred packs of Duracell D-batteries eight to a package).  A thousand dollars buys one brick of marijuana.    A thousand dollars for a purse that comes with its own chintzy padlock and key? "I'll take another glass of wine," she says to the waiter.   I might be somewhat interested if Chloe equipped the Paddington with a Master Lock combination lock.  The Master Lock combination lock is double armored and it's made of stainless steel.  Master Lock is the best selling combination lock in the world.    I have finished off the Budweiser when she says: "After a tough day at the office it's really rewarding to be able to reach into my Paddington.  I don't know why, it just is." To myself I'm thinking: I'll bet there's half a dozen restraining orders in that purse each one with a different dudes name on it.  In addition to the restraining orders I figure there's a handful of morning-after pills, maybe a switchblade knife and a few winning twist off caps from 16 ounce Coca-Colas (You win one free liter of Coke). "To hell with gas prices, I'd rather have my chocolate Chloe Paddington," she says.  "It just feels nice." "I feel that same way about my wallet," I say.  I don't feel the same way about my wallet.  I could care less about my wallet.  My wallet is made of plastic and it's cracking all over the place and it was given to me when I was kid by an elderly relative who died when he walked through a closed sliding glass door in 1997.  She says: "This season I'm gonna try and lay my hands on the Joni by Mulberry but if I cant get the Joni I'll settle for the Phoebe also by Mulberry but for now I'd like very much to locate a Crystalyn Kae Hobo bag." She has handed me a picture taken from her thousand dollar Paddington that comes with a working lock and key. I say: "The Crystalyn Kae sure is a shiny." She says: "It's a special glazed fabric." "Looks like a real good purse," I say then ordering another Budwesier. Norm's Note: While at Wal-Mart I came across a similar bag to the Crystalyn Kae Hobo Bag; Wal-Mart calls it the Jennifer Metallic Hobo Bag.  The Jennifer has a metallic sheen with ring accents and comes complete with a cell phone pocket.  $15.97 PREVIOUS   HOME   NEXT