Sunday September 25, 2005
	She says Russian made electromagnetic generators are being used to alter the weather in the United States.
	"They're using electromagnetic generators to control our weather," says the woman then drinking down the rest of her red wine. "They are?" I say. "Uh huh," she says then pushing a cracker from her deluxe cheese tray between her lips.  "Russian made," she says when she's sure the cracker is no longer in her mouth. "What's an electromagnetic generator?" I say then ordering another Amber Bock  (brewed by Anheuser-Busch, Inc., in Missouri).  It's Friday night and I'm sitting on a stool inside a coffee house just off Tarpon Avenue in downtown Tarpon Springs (in the Antique District).  "The generators emit a sound wave between three and 30 megahertz from ground based microwave transmitters," she says then ordering another Zinfandel.  Wanting to sound intelligent and worldly I say: "Now that you mention it I seem to recall reading something about those." I've never read anything about microwaves that can alter the weather but I like her perfume and even though I don't want her now I'm thinking that maybe there's a date in it for me further down the road. "Eco-terrorism," she says, "It's the future." "Eco-terrorism," I say then putting the bottle of beer to my lips and when I am done swallowing I smile and say, "You're so right." "Scott Stevens thinks the Japanese Yakuza is responsible." "I've heard of him," I say.  I read his stuff all the time.  I've never heard of him and the only thing I read with any sort of regularity is Cannabis Culture, Weed World, High Times and Hump Magazine though I once dated a woman named Stephens (she got married while I was dating her) and I also knew someone named Scott (he got Herpes and went blind just 8 days after balling a woman hitchhiking her way to Calumet, Michigan, population 976.  His doctors wrote half a dozen medical papers about him regarding the aggressiveness of his Herpes strain and about how incredibly fast he went blind). She's smiling at me and after a moment of silence she says:   "As you know the Yakuza is the Japanese mafia." "Aren't they something," I say then ordering another Amber Bock.   I'm in. I'm thinking I want her now and to hell with the date further down the road. She says: "The clouds formed by the electromagnetic generators are different than normal clouds.  Overall, we're probably looking at more earthquakes, more volcanoes and more hurricanes here in the U.S." I'm on my sixth beer and I'm marveling at how sober and manly and adult-like I appear and usually by now I've said something irregular. "I'm glad I met you, Norm," she says then putting her lips to her glass. "Same here," I say sounding like a grown man.   For no explainable reason that I can think of and right after I was secretly congratulating myself on my controlled behavior I say: "Would you say that a dildo plugged into a wall outlet gives off a good amount of electromagnetic sound waves enough to change the weather?" Usually I'd say vibrator, but sometimes dildo seems like the better choice to me. PREVIOUS   HOME   NEXT