Monday June 6, 2005
	She went off on this big diatribe about vibrators.
	"Okay so imagine I want sexual pleasure," she says, "And there ain't no man in my life so I decide to use a vibrator."  "No man in your life?" I say.  She's thin and good to look at but like a lot of American women she rarely smiles and if you're a man and you do smile at her she's pretty sure you're unemployed or insane. She says:  "See, I'd use a vibrator but I'm thinking that men probably own the company that designs and manufacturers them." "What does that mean?" I say. "In a way I'd be doing them," she says. We're sitting on the exterior deck of a popular hotel on Clearwater Beach (overlooking the Gulf of Mexico) and we're drinking Rum and Coke (though I rather be drinking Budweiser) and when she says, "In a way I'd be doing them," I'm thinking: Figures.  It's a beautiful day and look at all the chicks here and I'm stuck with an angry man-hater.  She won't use a dildo 'cause men probably own the company that makes them and if she uses it (the vibrator) she'll be screwing them.  Huh?  I wondered how she could be so pretty and still be single. Jesus, look at those tits.  Look at 'em, Norm.  My God.  For the love of God.  You could rest your head on those and your head would be like a big egg.  Yeah, her tits would be like this big warm weatherproof nest and your head is a fragile egg.  That would be nice.  I'd be safe there.  My egg head could rest there and it would be like taking a handful of Xanax only better and look at those lips.  She'd probably put her lips close to one of my ears and she'd say things that would make me stronger and better.  I'd become better.  I'd be a better man.  Better.  She'd say things.  Women can do things like that.  That would be nice.  That would be real nice.  I'd rest my egg on her tits and when I'd wake I'd be better and then she'd say things and I'd be different and better.  That would be nice.  That would be real nice. When the waiter appears she says: "Two Rum and Cokes," and when the waiter has gone I say:  "Maybe you could start an all women company that designs and manufacturers vibrators.  Put stickers on every unit, Designed, manufactured and assembled by women." After a pause she smiles and then says: "There's something lesbian about that." "You could make your own," I say.  "It's quite popular to whittle you're own dildo.  They've got kits at the crafts stores.  My mother made one using Plaster of Paris and a lot of the women at her Bingo hall wanted one." She says: "You're a trip, Norman." She's not angry anymore.  PREVIOUS   HOME   NEXT