Sunday December 26, 2004
	Christmas Day.  The mobile home visit.
	I can hear a woman yelling inside the mobile home and when I knock the yelling stops and an elderly man answers the door. "Merry Christmas," I say then holding up my big bag of wrapped gifts.   "Okay," says the man.  He's wearing an oxygen mask. "I'm Norm." "Uh huh," he says then moving away from the door.  Small pieces of coughed up food are sticking to the inside of his transparent plastic oxygen mask. A moment later an elderly woman appears in the doorway and says: "Lorrie Lynn got held up in traffic.  Come on in." When I enter the mobile home a kid approaches me and says: "Does this look like a laptop computer to you?" "I don't know," I say then sitting. "You're an ungrateful little boy," says the elderly man.  "Ungrateful."  From my new vantage point I can see what appears to be a (large) piece of bologna sticking to the inside of the elderly mans oxygen mask (In addition to the small coughed up pieces of food). "Grandpa and me thought you'd really enjoy that gift," says the woman.  Their dog has been barking since my arrival but it stops barking when the elderly man throws his oxygen mask at it. The elderly man says: "Stop yer damn barkin'." "I wanted a real computer," says the boy. "It's just like a computer," says the elderly man. After a pause I say: "This is a Fisher Price Magna Doodle.  It costs about $14 American.  It's nothing like a laptop computer." "A Magna Doodle is every bit as good as a computer," says the elderly man then repositioning the mask over his mouth.  The large piece of dried bologna is gone and I'm thinking that the dog probably ate it when the mask was thrown at him. "It's a magnetic drawing board, sir.  It's far from being every bit as good as a laptop computer," I say. Their dog (a pug?) has shit on the floor (atop the heat register and the trailer smells of shit whenever the heater comes on) and the elderly woman is using a scrap piece of Christmas themed wrapping paper to pick it up and when she feels I'm heading for trouble (with her husband) she says: "How 'bout some eggnog young man?"        I met Lorrie a month ago at a Sunoco gas station (where she worked) and liked her straight away.  She was non threatening, thin and looked real good in her Sunoco employee shirt.  But now, sitting here, I'm wondering if the kid bitchin' about the Magna Doodle is hers and if it is I'm outta here 'cause I ain't mature enough to handle a ready-made family and while I'm thinking about the kid the elderly man says:      "Tell 'em the Magna Doodle is better than a lap computer." I figure I can use the old man as my excuse as to why I left early so I say: "A Magna Doodle isn't better than a laptop computer." The kid says:  "How do I play Doom III with a Magna Doodle?" The elderly woman says: "I'm trying to clean up this shit." "Merry Christmas," says the elderly man then throwing his oxygen mask at me. The kid is crying 'cause the oxygen mask hits him and not me and the dog is barking and the man yells 'cause the elderly woman has thrown the wrapped ball of shit at him and out the door I go. "Tell Lorrie Lynn I'll catch up with her later," I say. Later on I stopped off at Helmet's Bar and Grill and drank down half a dozen Budweiser's.  PREVIOUS   HOME   NEXT