Thanksgiving day, Miami Beach Florida. 
 

"Happy Thanksgiving grandma," I say to my grandmother.

"Did you bring it?" she says.

"McClintock Full Flavor Red," I say.    

My grandmother has rolled her own cigarettes for fifty three years.  McClintock is her favorite brand of tobacco. 

"Good boy," she says. 

"A whopping 14 ounces (392 grams) of tobacco," I say. 

"Where's the papers, boy?"

"Black Death grandma," I say then handing her the package.

Black Death is her favorite rolling paper.  She especially enjoys the picture of the skull on the package.    

"Good boy," she says then adding, "And who are you?"   

The and who are you is directed to my date: medium busted, full lipped 25 year old Yasmin Metzger the first woman in the world to undergo the orgasm implant.   

"I'm Yasmin," says my date then smiling.

"Yasmin ain't a name it's a birth control pill," says my grandmother.

"My grandmother reads a lot," I say.

"You're sweet," says my date then pushing the big red button clipped to her leather designer belt.  

The red button is connected to an implant inserted under Yasmin's skin at the base of her spine which triggers a reflex response to produce an instant orgasm and was invented by Dr. Stuart Meloy of North Carolina.  

"Did you have an orgasm?" I say to my date.

"What do you think?" she says then wiping a good amount of drool (saliva) from the front of her shirt.

My medium busted, full lipped date lives with chronic anxiety and has found relief through the instant orgasm implant.    

"Hello Norman," says my mother then kissing my cheek.

"Happy Thanksgiving," says my sister from behind the bathroom door.

My sister Sandy attends all the family gatherings but I've never actually seen her.  

"Is she in there alone?" I say.

"She's washing up with her special friend," says my mother.

Her special friend is usually some dude that she  met while she was hitchhiking her way to my grandmothers house.

"They're probably balling one another in grandma's bath tub," I say.

"You sonofabitch," says my grandmother then throwing her lit cigarette at me.

"Norman," says my mother.

"Oh shit," says my date then pushing the big red button not once but twice.

"I'm supposed to eat turkey and cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie knowing that my sister is getting it on just a few feet from where I'm sitting?"

"You were a bad seed, boy," says my grandmother then using her old tongue to assemble another cigarette.

"This is an important holiday," says my mother.

"Oh shit," says 25 year old Yasmin Metzger.