St. Catherine's Spring Fling Jelly Competition, Miami, Florida.


"Sister?" I say, then walking into the gymnasium.  Dozens of glass jars lie atop long tables covered with white tablecloths.

"Our favorite judge," says the sister then putting her cheek within range of my lips.

"So good to see you," I say then putting my lips on her cheek.  

"We've got some fine entries this year," she says then stretching her mouth into a good to look at smile.

"I'm ready," I say.

"How have you been?" she says. 

"I've been good."

"You'll need these," she says, then handing me a yellow envelope containing the first, second and third place ribbons.  

"I'm happy to be a part of this," I say then smiling.

After a pause she says:

"The jellies are waiting for you."  

"I'm on it," I say.

"You're our favorite judge," says the sister then exiting the building. 

After a thorough walkthrough I have selected the top three jellies entered in the 2003 St. Catherine's Spring Fling Jelly Competition.

THIRD PLACE:
Barbara Schmidt 87, Miami, Florida.  She has written the following in the comments section on her official St. Catherine's entry form:

"You'll notice that my jelly is completely transparent.  I have achieved this using specially grown hybrid raspberries then distilling them over 50 times using a secret process given to me by my deceased great grandmother.  To get just one quart of my tasty and amazing Window Jelly takes nearly two weeks effort.  This jar has been donated to a psychiatric hospital near my home."

For her effort I shake her "Window Jelly" out of the glass jar and into the urinal of the men's restroom then refilling the jar using water from the toilet.      

SECOND PLACE:
Olga Plimpton 81, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida.  She has written the following in the comments section on her official St. Catherine's entry form:

"This is orange marmalade which I made from oranges grown from an orange tree in my backyard.  Unlike commercially sold marmalade, my recipe calls for large hunks of orange peel and as you can see they are large.   This will be the last batch of orange marmalade I will make as I lost both my arms and a piece of my ear when the pressure cooker exploded."  

For her effort I remove a pocketknife from my pocket then push the blade into one of St. Catherine's basketballs lying nearby.  I then cut six good size pieces from the skin of the basketball then jam the pieces into the jar of orange marmalade (They look remarkably like pieces of orange peel).  

FIRST PLACE:
Harry O'Connor 73, West Palm Beach, Florida.  He has written the following in the comments section on her official St. Catherine's entry form:

"This is my fine homemade rhubarb jelly.  The glass jelly jar is twelve inches in height, which I order specially for the recipe.  I use four ten inch lengths of raw red rhubarb which you can easily see (Thanks to the glass jars).  I believe the essence of the rhubarb plant itself then leaches out and into the jelly fixins and in the end creates a better tasting one of a kind jelly." 

For his effort I open the twelve inch glass jar then carefully remove the four sticks of red rhubarb replacing them with four matching lengths of red colored rubber hose cut from the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall.